How the very civil marriage between Cameron and Clegg brought out Gyles Brandreth's inner luvvie

Our diarist reports some deeply felt remarks by the former Tory MP

Share
Related Topics

The former Tory MP, Gyles Brandreth, who now writes books and appears regularly on Just a Minute, has been struggling to keep apace of the modern metrosexual Cameroon Conservative Party, to judge from his comments at a lunch given yesterday by The Oldie magazine.

“I was an MP until the people spoke – the bastards!” he said. “I was a loyal MP. When John Major became leader of my party, that’s when I began to go grey, overnight. When William Hague became leader of my party, I began to go bald. I was only grateful that Ann Widdecombe didn’t become leader.

“Two years ago, with advent of the coalition, you know, these two attractive posh boys, Nick and Dave, both in their forties but looking younger, over six foot tall, lovely glossy hair, when they had what looked to all the world, and to me, like a civil partnership ceremony conducted in the Rose Garden of No 10, I just thought this is the time for me to come out as a little bit gay. The two of them, Nick and Dave, they came sashaying down the steps, not actually holding hands but definitely touching – I watched it on live television with the sound turned down and my Judy Garland CDs on.”

Assange our Saviour

An interesting statement was posted yesterday on the Media Lens website, which aims to counter the distortions of the established media by presenting the truth: “WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange is to professional journalism what Jesus was to orthodox religion.” It is an argument that could go on for two thousand years. Or not.

'Low point' indeed

There have been some fireworks on Barnard Council Town Council, in County Durham, where old resentments were reignited when someone decided to hold a Guy Fawkes night celebration close to some stables. The stable owner complained to the local councillor, John Watson, who circulated an email accusing another councillor, Thom Robinson, of being on an “ego trip” whereupon Coun Robinson retaliated by accusing Coun Watson of presenting “fiction and unchecked rumour as fact.”

When the council met, what was originally an argument about frightening the horse became a “kangaroo court”, according to Coun Watson, who accused yet another councillor, Newton Wood, of being “out to get me” for which “slander” he was given a rocket by the Mayor, Frank Harrison, who ordered him to apologise, instead of which Coun Watson walked out. It was a “low point” in a long unhappy story, the Teesdale Mercury reported.

Eclipse of the Sun

As the editors of national newspaper assembled yesterday to meet the Prime Minister, all entered on foot except the Editor of The Sun, Dominic Mohan, who drove to the gates of Downing Street and was miffed when the police refused to let his car through. It would not have happened in the old days. 

A very modern euphemism

Hansard records that the Culture Secretary Maria Miller used the phrase “the status quo is not an option” five times during the half hour that she was speaking and answering questions on the Leveson report in the Commons, though it seemed like more at the time. As a matter of fact, this is untrue. As that learned backbench Conservative MP, Jacob Rees-Mogg reminded Ms Miller “self-evidently the status quo is always an option.” Peter Lilley, an old Thatcherite ex-Cabinet minister, pulled her up even more sharply, telling her that the phrase is “the mantra of those in the commentariat who have no idea what should be done.” So, next time you hear the phrase “the status quo is not an option” be assured that you are listening to someone who has not got a clue what to do next.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Finance Director

£65000 - £80000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Finance Director required to jo...

Recruitment Genius: Medico-Legal Assistant

£15000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a unique opportunity fo...

Ashdown Group: (PHP / Python) - Global Media firm

£50000 per annum + 26 days holiday,pension: Ashdown Group: A highly successful...

The Jenrick Group: Quality Inspector

£27000 per annum + pension + holidays: The Jenrick Group: A Quality Technician...

Day In a Page

Read Next
David Cameron faces the press as he arrives in Brussels for the EU leaders summit on Thursday reuters  

On the Tusk of a dilemma: Cameron's latest EU renegotiation foe

Andrew Grice
John Profumo and his wife Valerie Robson in 1959  

Stephen Ward’s trial was disgraceful. There can be no justification for it

Geoffrey Robertson QC
Homeless Veterans appeal: 'You look for someone who's an inspiration and try to be like them'

Homeless Veterans appeal

In 2010, Sgt Gary Jamieson stepped on an IED in Afghanistan and lost his legs and an arm. He reveals what, and who, helped him to make a remarkable recovery
Could cannabis oil reverse the effects of cancer?

Could cannabis oil reverse effects of cancer?

As a film following six patients receiving the controversial treatment is released, Kate Hilpern uncovers a very slippery issue
The Interview movie review: You can't see Seth Rogen and James Franco's Kim Jong Un assassination film, but you can read about it here

The Interview movie review

You can't see Seth Rogen and James Franco's Kim Jong Un assassination film, but you can read about it here
Serial mania has propelled podcasts into the cultural mainstream

How podcasts became mainstream

People have consumed gripping armchair investigation Serial with a relish typically reserved for box-set binges
Jesus Christ has become an unlikely pin-up for hipster marketing companies

Jesus Christ has become an unlikely pin-up

Kevin Lee Light, aka "Jesus", is the newest client of creative agency Mother while rival agency Anomaly has launched Sexy Jesus, depicting the Messiah in a series of Athena-style poses
Rosetta space mission voted most important scientific breakthrough of 2014

A memorable year for science – if not for mice

The most important scientific breakthroughs of 2014
Christmas cocktails to make you merry: From eggnog to Brown Betty and Rum Bumpo

Christmas cocktails to make you merry

Mulled wine is an essential seasonal treat. But now drinkers are rediscovering other traditional festive tipples. Angela Clutton raises a glass to Christmas cocktails
5 best activity trackers

Fitness technology: 5 best activity trackers

Up the ante in your regimen and change the habits of a lifetime with this wearable tech
Paul Scholes column: It's a little-known fact, but I have played one of the seven dwarves

Paul Scholes column

It's a little-known fact, but I have played one of the seven dwarves
Fifa's travelling circus once again steals limelight from real stars

Fifa's travelling circus once again steals limelight from real stars

Club World Cup kicked into the long grass by the continued farce surrounding Blatter, Garcia, Russia and Qatar
Frank Warren column: 2014 – boxing is back and winning new fans

Frank Warren: Boxing is back and winning new fans

2014 proves it's now one of sport's biggest hitters again
Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton: The power dynamics of the two first families

Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton

Karen Tumulty explores the power dynamics of the two first families
Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley with a hotbed of technology start-ups

Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley

The Swedish capital is home to two of the most popular video games in the world, as well as thousands of technology start-ups worth hundreds of millions of pounds – and it's all happened since 2009
Did Japanese workers really get their symbols mixed up and display Santa on a crucifix?

Crucified Santa: Urban myth refuses to die

The story goes that Japanese store workers created a life-size effigy of a smiling "Father Kurisumasu" attached to a facsimile of Our Lord's final instrument of torture
Jennifer Saunders and Kate Moss join David Walliams on set for TV adaptation of The Boy in the Dress

The Boy in the Dress: On set with the stars

Walliams' story about a boy who goes to school in a dress will be shown this Christmas