I married a box-set binger, and I can't keep up

Share

My wife and I lead separate televisual lives. This is not an admission that our 14-year marriage is in trouble – just that we watch entirely different shows. In the flush of young love, she put up with my choice in telly and I in hers. I would pretend that I loved American box-sets that went on for ever, and she would pretend to love World's Scariest Police Chases. We now have an open marriage in which our TV preferences are clear and defined. She will sneak away to watch Made in Chelsea or Mad Men while I devour the latest UK output such as the opus that is Ex on the Beach.

Just occasionally, however, we bond over a show. In the past, we have enjoyed 24, Homeland, Breaking Bad, Modern Family and America's Next Top Model together. The problem is that even when we find something we both like, we have differing consumption rates. Stacey is a binger, and once she has a taste for a show, loves to wolf it down as fast as possible, often demanding that we watch six or seven episodes in a row. I am very different. I like to ration our viewings so that we might be able to stretch out our new, mutual treat for ages. This, like much else in a marriage, causes discord.

We have come very late to the party that is Game of Thrones. I resisted for ages as I assumed that it was for the Dungeons and Dragons crowd. I tend to loathe sci-fi and anything that resembles a prog-rock album cover on principle. But I kept being told that I should give it a go and then, when it made the cover of Vanity Fair, I knew we should try it. We were hooked instantly and I soon had to fight a glorious battle of my own to slow down our rate of consumption. Stacey seemed determined to get up to date within a week. I was looking to stretch it out for at least a month.

In the case of Game of Thrones, however, I fear she might have the right approach. As the story develops there are so many different contenders for the Iron Throne that I find myself getting quite confused. Also, it started off as a fairly normal pseudo-historical drama but suddenly dragons and evil spirits are appearing all over the place and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. It seems that I have somehow been lured unwittingly into a Yes album.

It's our 14th wedding anniversary tomorrow and we shall be spending it in a local hotel. Experience has taught me that my wife no longer wants expensive foreign holidays or exciting surprises (not quite true, sadly), she just wants a night away from trying to get the kids to bed, and a lie-in with someone else cooking breakfast. I was going to get her a special present to boot, but the traditional 14th anniversary gift is ivory. This presents me with an ethical problem. Do I really want to give her a piece of dead elephant to celebrate our union? I've gone with a Kardashians box-set instead. Nothing is too good for my beloved Khaleesi, Mother of Dragons.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Business Analyst - Kent - up to £33,000

£30000 - £33000 per annum + bonus and pension: Ashdown Group: Business Analyst...

Recruitment Genius: Web Content Administrator

£14000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Web Content Administrator is required ...

SThree: Recruitment Resourcer

£20000 - £21000 per annum + uncapped commission: SThree: As a graduate you are...

Recruitment Genius: Lift and Elevator Service Manager - Birmingham

£38000 - £42000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An exciting opportunity has ari...

Day In a Page

Read Next
A Yorkshire Terrier waits to be judged during the Toy and Utility day of the Crufts dog show at the NEC in Birmingham  

There are no winners at Crufts. Dogs deserve better than to suffer and die for a 'beauty' pageant

Mimi Bekhechi
 

Daily catch-up: how come Ed Miliband’s tuition fee ‘cut’ is so popular, then?

John Rentoul
Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

Climate change key in Syrian conflict

And it will trigger more war in future
How I outwitted the Gestapo

How I outwitted the Gestapo

My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
The nation's favourite animal revealed

The nation's favourite animal revealed

Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
Is this the way to get young people to vote?

Getting young people to vote

From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot
Poldark star Heida Reed: 'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'

Poldark star Heida Reed

'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'
The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

Netanyahu knows he can get away with anything in America, says Robert Fisk
Families clubbing together to build their own affordable accommodation

Do It Yourself approach to securing a new house

Community land trusts marking a new trend for taking the initiative away from developers
Head of WWF UK: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

David Nussbaum: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

The head of WWF UK remains sanguine despite the Government’s failure to live up to its pledges on the environment
Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

Set in a mythologised 5th-century Britain, ‘The Buried Giant’ is a strange beast
With money, corruption and drugs, this monk fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’

Money, corruption and drugs

The monk who fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’
America's first slavery museum established at Django Unchained plantation - 150 years after slavery outlawed

150 years after it was outlawed...

... America's first slavery museum is established in Louisiana
Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

The first 'American Idol' winner on how she manages to remain her own woman – Jane Austen fascination and all
Tony Oursler on exploring our uneasy relationship with technology with his new show

You won't believe your eyes

Tony Oursler's new show explores our uneasy relationship with technology. He's one of a growing number of artists with that preoccupation
Ian Herbert: Peter Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

The England coach leaves players to find solutions - which makes you wonder where he adds value, says Ian Herbert
War with Isis: Fears that the looming battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

The battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

Aid agencies prepare for vast exodus following planned Iraqi offensive against the Isis-held city, reports Patrick Cockburn