If you ask me... Don’t knock a man who falls asleep in front of the TV and then denies it

Perhaps this IS the time to stick up for those poor fools

Share

If you ask me, all this fuss in recent days about the depiction of men on television and in advertising as hopeless and useless and dim-witted, and you know what? I am entirely on their side.

Poor men. True, they still effectively run the world, and have all the economic power, but is that any excuse? Just because men have been cruising along while women have, for the past century, put in serious work thinking about what it means to be a woman, is that any reason to now treat them as if they’re only useful for opening stubborn jars and reaching high shelves? Is it any excuse for pointing and laughing while, having had every advantage since the very beginning of time, expecting them to simply suck it up? Is it?

So, to redress this horrible, vile trend, let me tell you about some of the things men are brilliant at and which women will never even be vaguely competent at, no matter how hard we might try. Here you are:

* Men are brilliant at coming home and reporting so-and-so has had a baby without ever having enquired about sex, weight or name.

* Men are brilliant at raiding your greeting cards drawer, which is why you receive a card you have bought yourself every birthday.

* Men are brilliant at falling asleep in front of the television and then denying it – “I wasn’t asleep!” – and maintaining to this day that they saw The Shawshank Redemption through to the end when “he went to the electric chair”.

* Men are brilliant at answering the phone and almost instantly saying: “I’ll pass you over to your mother.”

* Men are brilliant at showing you their secret inside pockets, and offering a guided tour.

* Men are brilliant at coming home and reporting that they bumped into someone who knows you, Janice, who sends her love, even though you do not know a Janice, have never known a Janice, and it is only after he has broken down under intense questioning – what does her hair look like? Is her dog called Betty? – he will accept that it could have been Leslie, maybe.

* Men are brilliant at insisting that they have to be missing for 24 hours before they will declare themselves lost.

* Men are brilliant at never taking a bag with them to the shops.

* Men are brilliant at saying they’re not mind-readers.

* Men are brilliant at having “short cuts” which take longer than the regular route.

So, all I’m saying, is lay off men, as it’s hurtful, and unnecessary, and as for Homer Simpson being a bad role model for fatherhood, yes, awful. A dad who obviously loves his kids and sticks around? How far-fetched and ridiculous is that?

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Project Manager - Pensions

£32000 - £38000 Per Annum Bonus, Life Insurance + Other Benefits: Clearwater P...

Project Coordinator - Cisco Partner - £110 p/d

£110 per day + competitive: Orgtel: Project Coordinator (SC Cleared), Cisco Go...

KYC Analyst, Birmingham - £200-£250 p/d

£200 - £250 per day + competitive: Orgtel: KYC Analyst, Key Banking Client, Bi...

Test Manager - Banking - Yorkshire - £450 per day

£400 - £500 per day: Orgtel: Test Manager - Banking - West Yorkshire - £400-£5...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

The No campaign has a classic advertising problem: they need to turn a negative into a positive

John Hegarty
 

August catch-up: genius of Apple, fools and commercial enterprises, and the Queen

John Rentoul
Ukraine crisis: The phoney war is over as Russian troops and armour pour across the border

The phoney war is over

Russian troops and armour pour into Ukraine
Potatoes could be off the menu as crop pests threaten UK

Potatoes could be off the menu as crop pests threaten UK

The world’s entire food system is under attack - and Britain is most at risk, according to a new study
Gangnam smile: why the Chinese are flocking to South Korea to buy a new face

Gangnam smile: why the Chinese are flocking to South Korea to buy a new face

Seoul's plastic surgery industry is booming thanks to the popularity of the K-Pop look
From Mozart to Orson Welles: Creative geniuses who peaked too soon

Creative geniuses who peaked too soon

After the death of Sandy Wilson, 90, who wrote his only hit musical in his twenties, John Walsh wonders what it's like to peak too soon and go on to live a life more ordinary
Caught in the crossfire of a cyber Cold War

Caught in the crossfire of a cyber Cold War

Fears are mounting that Vladimir Putin has instructed hackers to target banks like JP Morgan
Salomé's feminine wiles have inspired writers, painters and musicians for 2,000 years

Salomé: A head for seduction

Salomé's feminine wiles have inspired writers, painters and musicians for 2,000 years. Now audiences can meet the Biblical femme fatale in two new stage and screen projects
From Bram Stoker to Stanley Kubrick, the British Library's latest exhibition celebrates all things Gothic

British Library celebrates all things Gothic

Forthcoming exhibition Terror and Wonder: The Gothic Imagination will be the UK's largest ever celebration of Gothic literature
The Hard Rock Café's owners are embroiled in a bitter legal dispute - but is the restaurant chain worth fighting for?

Is the Hard Rock Café worth fighting for?

The restaurant chain's owners are currently embroiled in a bitter legal dispute
Caribbean cuisine is becoming increasingly popular in the UK ... and there's more to it than jerk chicken at carnival

In search of Caribbean soul food

Caribbean cuisine is becoming increasingly popular in the UK ... and there's more to it than jerk chicken at carnival
11 best face powders

11 best face powders

Sweep away shiny skin with our pick of the best pressed and loose powder bases
England vs Norway: Roy Hodgson's hands tied by exploding top flight

Roy Hodgson's hands tied by exploding top flight

Lack of Englishmen at leading Premier League clubs leaves manager hamstrung
Angel Di Maria and Cristiano Ronaldo: A tale of two Manchester United No 7s

Di Maria and Ronaldo: A tale of two Manchester United No 7s

They both inherited the iconic shirt at Old Trafford, but the £59.7m new boy is joining a club in a very different state
Israel-Gaza conflict: No victory for Israel despite weeks of death and devastation

Robert Fisk: No victory for Israel despite weeks of devastation

Palestinians have won: they are still in Gaza, and Hamas is still there
Mary Beard writes character reference for Twitter troll who called her a 'slut'

Unlikely friends: Mary Beard and the troll who called her a ‘filthy old slut’

The Cambridge University classicist even wrote the student a character reference
America’s new apartheid: Prosperous white districts are choosing to break away from black cities and go it alone

America’s new apartheid

Prosperous white districts are choosing to break away from black cities and go it alone