If you ask me...Bongo-Bongo Land should send cash to the UK, not the other way round!

I have often visited so can report, first-hand, that it is not a mythical destination devised as a means of referring to Third World countries in a derogatory way

Share

If you ask me, the moment Ukip MEP Godfrey Bloom opened his mouth and said British aid should not go to “Bongo-Bongo Land” I knew we were in for it; that there would be a tide of moral outrage of the kind that could last almost a full 48 hours, before another, different tide of moral outrage swept everyone away elsewhere. They are exhausting, these waves, and often so hysterical they’re all reaction without any thought.

Is Mr Bloom simply a racist idiot? Or might there be something in what he said?

First, I need to say my family and I have visited Bongo-Bongo Land on several occasions, as arranged by the specialists, Bongo-Bongo Adventures (www.BongoBongoAdventures.com), so can report, first-hand, that it is not a mythical destination, devised as a means of referring to Third World countries in a derogatory and patronisingly colonial way.

It is a real place with a fantastic landscape, and great beaches, but I would not advise visiting without an expert guide. Bongo-Bongo Adventures can arrange this, and it will ensure you’re met at the airport and immediately transferred via jeep or people carrier to a nice hotel – the Bongo-Bongo Hilton, usually – without seeing anything of the real people or the real city, which would be a drag.

Your final destination will be up to you, but we have always stayed at Lake Bongo-Bongo Lodge, which is right on the edge of Lake Bongo-Bongo in the middle of the country’s national park, and foreign-owned, so they understand our quirky First World ways, like wanting a proper toilet. There’s tons to do. You can go on safari, and disturb wildlife, or take a day trip to a local town, shopping in the market for local-made goods so dirt cheap it’s like: No wonder they can’t afford to send their own children to school!

In the evening, you’ll be so pooped it’ll be all you can do to sit on the veranda, sip a pina colada as served by your personal butler, and watch the sun going down while thinking: “This is the life! They should be sending cash to the UK, not the other way round!” Our personal butler is always Joseph, who has worked at the lodge since he was seven years old and loves it so much he’d rather sleep on a bare patch of ground out back than ever leave the place!

So, you know, I just wish people would think a little more before they shoot their mouths off about “racism”, or patronising colonialism, and also I hope they’ll visit Bongo-Bongo Land, although one last word of advice: never leave tips. They’ll only waste the money on something silly and unnecessary, like fancy sunglasses, so it’s for their own good, really. Yes, it is.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Project Coordinator

Competitive: The Green Recruitment Company: The Organisation: The Green Recrui...

Project Manager (HR)- Bristol - Upto £400 p/day

£350 - £400 per annum + competitive: Orgtel: Project Manager (specializing in ...

Embedded Linux Engineer

£40000 - £50000 per annum + competitive: Progressive Recruitment: Embedded Sof...

Senior Hardware Design Engineer - Broadcast

£50000 - £65000 per annum + Benefits: Progressive Recruitment: Working for a m...

Day In a Page

Read Next
The Lada became a symbol of Russia’s failure to keep up with Western economies  

Our sanctions will not cripple Russia. It is doing a lot of the dirty work itself

Hamish McRae
The Israeli ambassador to the US, Ron Dermer, has been dubbed ‘Bibi’s brain’  

Israel's propaganda machine is finally starting to misfire

Patrick Cockburn
Save the tiger: The animals bred for bones on China’s tiger farms

The animals bred for bones on China’s tiger farms

The big cats kept in captivity to perform for paying audiences and then, when dead, their bodies used to fortify wine
A former custard factory, a Midlands bog and a Leeds cemetery all included in top 50 hidden spots in the UK

A former custard factory, a Midlands bog and a Leeds cemetery

Introducing the top 50 hidden spots in Britain
Ebola epidemic: Plagued by fear

Ebola epidemic: Plagued by fear

How a disease that has claimed fewer than 2,000 victims in its history has earned a place in the darkest corner of the public's imagination
Chris Pratt: From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

He was homeless in Hawaii when he got his big break. Now the comic actor Chris Pratt is Hollywood's new favourite action star
How live cinema screenings can boost arts audiences

How live cinema screenings can boost arts audiences

Broadcasting plays and exhibitions to cinemas is a sure-fire box office smash
Shipping container hotels: Pop-up hotels filling a niche

Pop-up hotels filling a niche

Spending the night in a shipping container doesn't sound appealing, but these mobile crash pads are popping up at the summer's biggest events
Native American headdresses are not fashion accessories

Feather dust-up

A Canadian festival has banned Native American headwear. Haven't we been here before?
Boris Johnson's war on diesel

Boris Johnson's war on diesel

11m cars here run on diesel. It's seen as a greener alternative to unleaded petrol. So why is London's mayor on a crusade against the black pump?
5 best waterproof cameras

Splash and flash: 5 best waterproof cameras

Don't let water stop you taking snaps with one of these machines that will take you from the sand to meters deep
Louis van Gaal interview: Manchester United manager discusses tactics and rebuilding after the David Moyes era

Louis van Gaal interview

Manchester United manager discusses tactics and rebuilding after the David Moyes era
Will Gore: The goodwill shown by fans towards Alastair Cook will evaporate rapidly if India win the series

Will Gore: Outside Edge

The goodwill shown by fans towards Alastair Cook will evaporate rapidly if India win the series
The children were playing in the street with toy guns. The air strikes were tragically real

The air strikes were tragically real

The children were playing in the street with toy guns
Boozy, ignorant, intolerant, but very polite – The British, as others see us

Britain as others see us

Boozy, ignorant, intolerant, but very polite
How did our legends really begin?

How did our legends really begin?

Applying the theory of evolution to the world's many mythologies
Watch out: Lambrusco is back on the menu

Lambrusco is back on the menu

Naff Seventies corner-shop staple is this year's Aperol Spritz