Without ‘Zoo’ magazine, how would anyone know I'm a sex object?

How would people even know that women are constantly available sex objects unless magazines such as Zoo were around to normalise sexism and inform them this is so?

Lawyers warned the magazines create a degrading environment (Ian Francis / Alamy)

If you ask me, I did something this morning I have never done before and purchased a copy of a “lads’ mag” called Zoo; one of the publications groups like UK Feminista and Object are clamouring to have banned from supermarkets and newsagents, or are at least to have sold in plain packaging. And you know what? I honestly don’t understand what all the fuss is about.

Indeed, as a sex object myself who wishes to be seen as constantly available – ask anyone, and they’ll all tell you that, first and foremost, I’m a sex object who wishes to be seen as constantly available – I don’t see the harm. It’s only a bit of fun. And who doesn’t want to look at a pretty girl? God, some of these feminist types need to lighten up.

Plus, how would people even know that women are constantly available sex objects unless magazines such as Zoo were around to normalise sexism and inform them this is so? I could be going about my business and no one would even suspect! It might not even cross their mind! Imagine!

The thing is, it’s a perfectly good magazine and, in particular, I enjoyed the photographic spread on topless Lana Parker, the “Surrey sexpot” who, according to the strapline, “could do with a visit from a friendly male builder...”.

Not my ellipsis, theirs, but I ask you: who couldn’t do with a visit from a friendly male builder...? Know what I mean? Some of those feminists, couldn’t they do with a visit from a friendly male builder...? Know what I mean? Anyway, in her Q&A, Lana’s own words are phrased as follows:

“I’m trying to decorate my new bedroom and I’ve knocked a hole out of the wall. I need a bit of male help, if anyone wants to give me a hand...” Cheeky! Saucy! But nothing to get het up about. Dear me, no. In fact, without these magazines, and their drip-drip, dehumanising effect, and all their ellipses, how would anyone even know we are all craving “a bit of male help...” and a “visit from the friendly male builder...”, even in those instances when no outward sign is given.

Who is to say, even, that we don’t want to be jumped in the back of a cab? Or in that dark alley? Speaking personally, and having now read a copy of Zoo, I’m just pleased that there are, at least, some people out there who understand that when I say “No” I actually mean “Yes!”; yes, come and mend my hole in the wall! Bring filler!

So, feminist types, get real and stop trying to establish links between sexualised, objectified images of women with violence and rape, when the truth is? You just need a good, old-fashioned seeing-to. Gagging for it, I bet...

Twitter: @deborahross