If you ask me...My family means business and as housewife and mother, that makes me its CEO

I'm afraid I've had to lay off my youngest, but then being an executive domestic decision maker involves some tough choices

Share

If you ask me, I’m fascinated by this business of repositioning the housewife as a “domestic CEO” who, at various junctures, assumes the role of “head accountant”, “travel agent”, “executive decision maker” (etc, etc) and whose children represent “the most thrilling corporate project, one where competition with rival families can be especially fierce”.

I certainly know this is the case because, just this morning, I laid off my youngest who, I’m afraid to report, has always proved a hopeless loafer. He won’t even engage in regular Spanish, let alone extra Spanish on a Tuesday evening!

It is never pleasant laying off your own child – there were tears as he gathered his belongings and security marched him out – but as I said to him: “If we are going to see everything though a male, capitalist prism, you must accept that we, as a corporation, simply cannot afford to carry you any more.” I also had a daughter once, but I outsourced her to China.

 Personally, I love seeing the world through a male, capitalist prism in which becoming a CEO is viewed as the ultimate prize; as everyone’s ambition realised. Some days, looking at the world like this is all I would do, if only I had the time between making executive decisions and running the travel agency and conducting performance reviews. (The dog is going to have to go next, which is a shame, as I am rather fond of him on a personal level.)

And although some would argue this re-labelling of the housewife is just a sop to avoid discussing the true contribution she makes to society, economic and otherwise, or concentrating on better working conditions for mothers who do have jobs, I’m not among them. Seriously, what part of being a housewife isn’t like being a CEO? Are you telling me the CEO of BT doesn’t spend most of his time making meals for those who show no gratitude, attending to “employees” who need a wee at 2am, affecting an interest in diggers/tractors/dinosaurs, and doing lots and lots of other boring stuff for no money, no sick pay, no holiday pay, no pension, no shares and no economic independence of any kind? If you don’t mind my asking, are you living on another planet?

The thing is, until there are as many stay-at-home dads as mums and as many females heading corporations as there are males, some might say all this “CEO” business is actually rubbish. Fair enough, but it’s not what I said to the dog. Instead, I said: “You’ve already had a verbal warning and two written ones. One more, and you’re out.”

It’ll break my heart, but if you’re going to go with the capitalist way of thinking, it has to be done.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Finance Director

£65000 - £80000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Finance Director required to jo...

Recruitment Genius: Medico-Legal Assistant

£15000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a unique opportunity fo...

Ashdown Group: (PHP / Python) - Global Media firm

£50000 per annum + 26 days holiday,pension: Ashdown Group: A highly successful...

The Jenrick Group: Quality Inspector

£27000 per annum + pension + holidays: The Jenrick Group: A Quality Technician...

Day In a Page

Read Next
David Cameron faces the press as he arrives in Brussels for the EU leaders summit on Thursday reuters  

On the Tusk of a dilemma: Cameron's latest EU renegotiation foe

Andrew Grice
John Profumo and his wife Valerie Robson in 1959  

Stephen Ward’s trial was disgraceful. There can be no justification for it

Geoffrey Robertson QC
Homeless Veterans appeal: 'You look for someone who's an inspiration and try to be like them'

Homeless Veterans appeal

In 2010, Sgt Gary Jamieson stepped on an IED in Afghanistan and lost his legs and an arm. He reveals what, and who, helped him to make a remarkable recovery
Could cannabis oil reverse the effects of cancer?

Could cannabis oil reverse effects of cancer?

As a film following six patients receiving the controversial treatment is released, Kate Hilpern uncovers a very slippery issue
The Interview movie review: You can't see Seth Rogen and James Franco's Kim Jong Un assassination film, but you can read about it here

The Interview movie review

You can't see Seth Rogen and James Franco's Kim Jong Un assassination film, but you can read about it here
Serial mania has propelled podcasts into the cultural mainstream

How podcasts became mainstream

People have consumed gripping armchair investigation Serial with a relish typically reserved for box-set binges
Jesus Christ has become an unlikely pin-up for hipster marketing companies

Jesus Christ has become an unlikely pin-up

Kevin Lee Light, aka "Jesus", is the newest client of creative agency Mother while rival agency Anomaly has launched Sexy Jesus, depicting the Messiah in a series of Athena-style poses
Rosetta space mission voted most important scientific breakthrough of 2014

A memorable year for science – if not for mice

The most important scientific breakthroughs of 2014
Christmas cocktails to make you merry: From eggnog to Brown Betty and Rum Bumpo

Christmas cocktails to make you merry

Mulled wine is an essential seasonal treat. But now drinkers are rediscovering other traditional festive tipples. Angela Clutton raises a glass to Christmas cocktails
5 best activity trackers

Fitness technology: 5 best activity trackers

Up the ante in your regimen and change the habits of a lifetime with this wearable tech
Paul Scholes column: It's a little-known fact, but I have played one of the seven dwarves

Paul Scholes column

It's a little-known fact, but I have played one of the seven dwarves
Fifa's travelling circus once again steals limelight from real stars

Fifa's travelling circus once again steals limelight from real stars

Club World Cup kicked into the long grass by the continued farce surrounding Blatter, Garcia, Russia and Qatar
Frank Warren column: 2014 – boxing is back and winning new fans

Frank Warren: Boxing is back and winning new fans

2014 proves it's now one of sport's biggest hitters again
Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton: The power dynamics of the two first families

Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton

Karen Tumulty explores the power dynamics of the two first families
Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley with a hotbed of technology start-ups

Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley

The Swedish capital is home to two of the most popular video games in the world, as well as thousands of technology start-ups worth hundreds of millions of pounds – and it's all happened since 2009
Did Japanese workers really get their symbols mixed up and display Santa on a crucifix?

Crucified Santa: Urban myth refuses to die

The story goes that Japanese store workers created a life-size effigy of a smiling "Father Kurisumasu" attached to a facsimile of Our Lord's final instrument of torture
Jennifer Saunders and Kate Moss join David Walliams on set for TV adaptation of The Boy in the Dress

The Boy in the Dress: On set with the stars

Walliams' story about a boy who goes to school in a dress will be shown this Christmas