If you ask me...They're after me for the death of Diana. And with very good reason

Nothing and no one is safe from the conspiracy theorists' accusations apart from perhaps, Ben Fogle, as it’s just impossible to believe he could get up to such a thing

Share

You may well wonder where I’ve been for the past week and because we are close, you and I, I will tell you: I’ve been on the run. I’ve been on the run from Scotland Yard and I’ve been on the run from MI6 and I’ve been on the run from Mohamed Al-Fayed and I’ve been on the run from The Daily Express and, because I have come to trust you over the years, I will tell you for why: they’re after me for the death of Princess Diana. I just know it.

Conspiracy theorists have already tried to stick it on Prince Philip, the Queen, the paparazzi, the security services and, most recently, the SAS, so I know it is only a matter of time before my name came into the frame.

“I’m off,” I told my husband, “and if anyone asks for me, say you have absolutely no idea of my whereabouts.”

“Answer me straight,” he said. “Did you kill Princess Diana?”

“I did not,” I said, “but if there are groups of people hell-bent on proving the Paris car crash was an organised assassination rather than a tragic accident they are not going to be satisfied until every person has been pursued and investigated.”

As it is, Mr Fayed, on the anniversary of Diana and Dodi’s death each year, gives an all-night, 12-hour, candlelit reading from any random phone book of those he believes were involved in the conspiracy. One year, he even mistakenly took up a take-away menu and insisted a lamb jalfrezi did it, as well as an aloo gobi and a garlic nan! (“Nan Killed Diana,” ran the Daily Express headline). So nothing and no one is safe apart from perhaps, Ben Fogle, as it’s just impossible to believe he could get  up to  such a thing, or our cat, Basil, who wasn’t born at the time, although this may not rule him out in due course.

It may not, ultimately, even rule him out as the father of the unborn, non-existent baby Diana was carrying. Every premature death is a tragedy, but to die when you are carrying an unborn, non-existent baby? Heartbreaking.

My husband waved me off, sadly. I don’t know when, or even if, we’ll see each other again and, as I hide, waiting for the theorists to move on, I hope he’ll be all right. I think he will, as he has his hobbies, which include faking photographs of the 1969 moon landings, plus, when he has the time, writing blogs ridiculing the findings of climate change scientists. “It’s nothing anyone would ever take seriously,” he always says, “but it amuses me.”

Twitter: @deborahross

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Austen Lloyd: Corporate Solicitor NQ+ Oxford

Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: CORPORATE - Corporate Solicitor NQ+ An excelle...

Reach Volunteering: Financial Trustee and Company Secretary

Voluntary Only - Expenses Reimbursed: Reach Volunteering: A trustee (company d...

Recruitment Genius: Senior Project Manager

£45000 - £65000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Shopfitter

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This is an opportunity to join a successful an...

Day In a Page

The Liberal Left should stop feeling guilty about flying the flag of St George and have no qualms about celebrating Englishness, one of Ed Miliband’s closest advisers said  

Don't sneer at the white van driving flag waving man

Stefano Hatfield
Mau Mau uprising: Kenyans still waiting for justice join class action over Britain's role in the emergency

Kenyans still waiting for justice over Mau Mau uprising

Thousands join class action over Britain's role in the emergency
Isis in Iraq: The trauma of the last six months has overwhelmed the remaining Christians in the country

The last Christians in Iraq

After 2,000 years, a community will try anything – including pretending to convert to Islam – to avoid losing everything, says Patrick Cockburn
Black Friday: Helpful discounts for Christmas shoppers, or cynical marketing by desperate retailers?

Helpful discounts for Christmas shoppers, or cynical marketing by desperate retailers?

Britain braced for Black Friday
Bill Cosby's persona goes from America's dad to date-rape drugs

From America's dad to date-rape drugs

Stories of Bill Cosby's alleged sexual assaults may have circulated widely in Hollywood, but they came as a shock to fans, says Rupert Cornwell
Clare Balding: 'Women's sport is kicking off at last'

Clare Balding: 'Women's sport is kicking off at last'

As fans flock to see England women's Wembley debut against Germany, the TV presenter on an exciting 'sea change'
Oh come, all ye multi-faithful: The Christmas jumper is in fashion, but should you wear your religion on your sleeve?

Oh come, all ye multi-faithful

The Christmas jumper is in fashion, but should you wear your religion on your sleeve?
Dr Charles Heatley: The GP off to do battle in the war against Ebola

The GP off to do battle in the war against Ebola

Dr Charles Heatley on joining the NHS volunteers' team bound for Sierra Leone
Flogging vlogging: First video bloggers conquered YouTube. Now they want us to buy their books

Flogging vlogging

First video bloggers conquered YouTube. Now they want us to buy their books
Saturday Night Live vs The Daily Show: US channels wage comedy star wars

Saturday Night Live vs The Daily Show

US channels wage comedy star wars
When is a wine made in Piedmont not a Piemonte wine? When EU rules make Italian vineyards invisible

When is a wine made in Piedmont not a Piemonte wine?

When EU rules make Italian vineyards invisible
Look what's mushrooming now! Meat-free recipes and food scandals help one growing sector

Look what's mushrooming now!

Meat-free recipes and food scandals help one growing sector
Neil Findlay is more a pink shrimp than a red firebrand

More a pink shrimp than a red firebrand

The vilification of the potential Scottish Labour leader Neil Findlay shows how one-note politics is today, says DJ Taylor
Bill Granger recipes: Tenderstem broccoli omelette; Fried eggs with Mexican-style tomato and chilli sauce; Pan-fried cavolo nero with soft-boiled egg

Oeuf quake

Bill Granger's cracking egg recipes
Terry Venables: Wayne Rooney is roaring again and the world knows that England are back

Terry Venables column

Wayne Rooney is roaring again and the world knows that England are back
Michael Calvin: Abject leadership is allowing football’s age-old sores to fester

Abject leadership is allowing football’s age-old sores to fester

Those at the top are allowing the same issues to go unchallenged, says Michael Calvin