If you ask me...They're after me for the death of Diana. And with very good reason

Nothing and no one is safe from the conspiracy theorists' accusations apart from perhaps, Ben Fogle, as it’s just impossible to believe he could get up to such a thing

Share

You may well wonder where I’ve been for the past week and because we are close, you and I, I will tell you: I’ve been on the run. I’ve been on the run from Scotland Yard and I’ve been on the run from MI6 and I’ve been on the run from Mohamed Al-Fayed and I’ve been on the run from The Daily Express and, because I have come to trust you over the years, I will tell you for why: they’re after me for the death of Princess Diana. I just know it.

Conspiracy theorists have already tried to stick it on Prince Philip, the Queen, the paparazzi, the security services and, most recently, the SAS, so I know it is only a matter of time before my name came into the frame.

“I’m off,” I told my husband, “and if anyone asks for me, say you have absolutely no idea of my whereabouts.”

“Answer me straight,” he said. “Did you kill Princess Diana?”

“I did not,” I said, “but if there are groups of people hell-bent on proving the Paris car crash was an organised assassination rather than a tragic accident they are not going to be satisfied until every person has been pursued and investigated.”

As it is, Mr Fayed, on the anniversary of Diana and Dodi’s death each year, gives an all-night, 12-hour, candlelit reading from any random phone book of those he believes were involved in the conspiracy. One year, he even mistakenly took up a take-away menu and insisted a lamb jalfrezi did it, as well as an aloo gobi and a garlic nan! (“Nan Killed Diana,” ran the Daily Express headline). So nothing and no one is safe apart from perhaps, Ben Fogle, as it’s just impossible to believe he could get  up to  such a thing, or our cat, Basil, who wasn’t born at the time, although this may not rule him out in due course.

It may not, ultimately, even rule him out as the father of the unborn, non-existent baby Diana was carrying. Every premature death is a tragedy, but to die when you are carrying an unborn, non-existent baby? Heartbreaking.

My husband waved me off, sadly. I don’t know when, or even if, we’ll see each other again and, as I hide, waiting for the theorists to move on, I hope he’ll be all right. I think he will, as he has his hobbies, which include faking photographs of the 1969 moon landings, plus, when he has the time, writing blogs ridiculing the findings of climate change scientists. “It’s nothing anyone would ever take seriously,” he always says, “but it amuses me.”

Twitter: @deborahross

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Solutions Architect - Permanent - London - £70k DOE

£60000 - £70000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...

General Cover Teacher

£110 - £130 per day: Randstad Education Reading: Great opportunities for Cover...

Maths Teacher

£110 - £130 per day: Randstad Education Reading: QTS Maths Teachers needed for...

Maths Teacher

£110 - £130 per day: Randstad Education Reading: QTS Maths Teachers needed for...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Renée Zellweger's real crime has been to age in an industry that prizes women's youth over humanity

Amanda Hess
Armed RCMP officers approach Centre Block on Parliament Hilll  

Ottawa shooting: A shock attack in a peaceful nation

Jeffrey Simpson
How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?

A crime that reveals London's dark heart

How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?
Meet 'Porridge' and 'Vampire': Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker

Lost in translation: Western monikers

Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker. Simon Usborne, who met a 'Porridge' and a 'Vampire' while in China, can see the problem
KidZania lets children try their hands at being a firefighter, doctor or factory worker for the day

KidZania: It's a small world

The new 'educational entertainment experience' in London's Shepherd's Bush will allow children to try out the jobs that are usually undertaken by adults, including firefighter, doctor or factory worker
Renée Zellweger's real crime has been to age in an industry that prizes women's youth over humanity

'Renée Zellweger's real crime was to age'

The actress's altered appearance raised eyebrows at Elle's Women in Hollywood awards on Monday
The 10 best smartphone accessories

Make the most of your mobile: 10 best smartphone accessories

Try these add-ons for everything from secret charging to making sure you never lose your keys again
West Indies tour of India: Hurricane set to sweep Windies into the shadows

Hurricane set to sweep Windies into the shadows

Decision to pull out of India tour leaves the WICB fighting for its existence with an off-field storm building
Indiana serial killer? Man arrested for murdering teenage prostitute confesses to six other murders - and police fear there could be many more

A new American serial killer?

Police fear man arrested for murder of teen prostitute could be responsible for killing spree dating back 20 years
Sweetie, the fake 10-year-old girl designed to catch online predators, claims her first scalp

Sting to trap paedophiles may not carry weight in UK courts

Computer image of ‘Sweetie’ represented entrapment, experts say
Fukushima nuclear crisis: Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on - and may never return home

Return to Fukushima – a land they will never call home again

Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on from nuclear disaster
Wildlife Photographer of the Year: Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize

Wildlife Photographer of the Year

Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize
Online petitions: Sign here to change the world

Want to change the world? Just sign here

The proliferation of online petitions allows us to register our protests at the touch of a button. But do they change anything?
Ed Sheeran hits back after being labelled too boring to headline festivals

'You need me, I don’t need you'

Ed Sheeran hits back after being labelled too boring to headline festivals
How to Get Away with Murder: Shonda Rhimes reinvents the legal drama

How to Get Away with Murder

Shonda Rhimes reinvents the legal drama
A cup of tea is every worker's right

Hard to swallow

Three hospitals in Leicester have banned their staff from drinking tea and coffee in public areas. Christopher Hirst explains why he thinks that a cuppa is every worker's right
Which animals are nearly extinct?

Which animals are nearly extinct?

Conservationists in Kenya are in mourning after the death of a white northern rhino, which has left the species with a single male. These are the other species on the brink