- Monday 05 August 2013
- My Account
- Logout
- Register
- Login
- News
-
Voices
-
Find by writer
- Yasmin Alibhai-Brown
- Rebecca Armstrong
- Memphis Barker
- Terence Blacker
- Chris Blackhurst
- David Blanchflower
- Archie Bland
- Ian Burrell
- Andrew Buncombe
- Ben Chu
- Patrick Cockburn
- Laura Davis
- Mary Dejevsky
- Grace Dent
- Robert Fisk
- Andrew Grice
- Stefano Hatfield
- Philip Hensher
- Ian Herbert
- Howard Jacobson
- Ellen E Jones
- Alice Jones
- Owen Jones
- Simon Kelner
- Dominic Lawson
- Donald Macintyre
- Lisa Markwell
- Comment
- Campaigns
- Debate
- Editorials
- Letters
- IV Drip
- Archive
- Our Voices
- Commentators
- Columnists
- Democracy 2015
- IV Drip Archive
-
Find by writer
- Sport
- Tech
- Life
- Property
- Arts & Ents
- Travel
- Money
- IndyBest
- Blogs
- Student
- Offers
Wednesday 24 July 2013
I'm bored of Anthony Weiner 'sext' scandals - but I'm even more bored of these hypocritical puritans
Some people think it's anti-feminist for Weiner’s wife to “stand by her man”, but giving oppressive Victorian values a huge V sign is the exact opposite
The New York Times has called for him to pull out. (Presumably they refer to the race for mayor). Three of his rivals have, with brazen political expediency, also called for his withdrawal. (It’s telling, in our heavy-breathing patriarchy, how much the language of politics is the language of penetration).
Yes, Anthony Weiner, America’s gyrating frontman of nominative determinism, has been a bad boy. Just weeks after launching his bid to become New York Mayor, and two years after quitting Congress for lurid chats with half a dozen women, he’s reportedly waved his wiener about. Again. And on the internet. To a woman who isn’t his wife. He’s even, allegedly, exchanged “sexts” with her.
Personally, I object more to the portmanteau - and to his hilariously unsexy online moniker “Carlos Danger” - than to the acts of apparent spousal betrayal. Given the widespread dissemination of his last X-rated “selfie”, has anyone not yet seen the Democrat’s penis?
I’m bored of it. But I’m more bored of the outcry’s hypocrisy, of a culture that clutches its pearls in public while receiving “pearl necklaces” behind the neighbour’s blinds, of Britain and America’s puritanical rhetoric around any whiff of sexual behaviour outside one’s marriage.
Infidelity only hurts or ruins relationships because we’re conditioned into thinking it is the “ultimate betrayal”; that it is “disloyal” and “unfaithful” to the sacred bond - proof someone doesn’t love us. Let us unpick this shaming, controlling guff, and grow up. When people rage at their “cheating” partner for claiming their one-night stand “was just sex,” they should instead listen. It really is just that. If you cannot separate emotions from sex it is invaluable to remember how many are perfectly capable of it. When “cheaters” cry, “It meant nothing,” all it really meant was, “I wanted sex with someone else.” Big deal. Check your ego. No one person can sexually fulfill another entirely. Can’t we look into our Aladdin’s cave sexual psyches and admit this?
To brand extra-spousal jollies “cheating” is to cheat ourselves: to suffocate our sexualities and shackle our relationships. Patriarchy’s boomerang stupidity can be seen clearly here: men tell women not to “put out” easily and to only have sex within a relationship – that anything else is filthy and slutty. They do this through a million shame messages (the site on which the Weiner allegations erupted is, illustratively, called TheDirty.com). Shaming helps shut women down sexually. Husbands become frustrated and go elsewhere, and their wife/girlfriend leaves, heartbroken, unable to accept the “just sex” line. What a ghastly waste.
It is often seen as anti-feminist for a wife, like Weiner’s, to “stand by her man”. But it’s the opposite: a woman giving oppressive Victorian values a huge V sign.
So if you find your spouse in bed with another consenting adult, I have a suggestion: don’t beat them, join them.
-
Peter Capaldi is right choice, in the right time and space for Doctor Who role
Mathew Sweet -
Lessons from the tortured life of Daniel Pelka
Mary Dejevsky -
Peter Capaldi is revealed as the new Doctor Who
Laura Davis -
Millions take to the streets of Egypt in an ever-growing media fantasy
Robert Fisk -
Peter Capaldi tackles the tough gig as the 12th Doctor Who
James Legge
-
Omagh report confirms the authorities had the bombers in their sights
-
The sham of the bedroom tax
-
I won't let the trolls win with #TwitterSilence - they want us to shut up
-
#TwitterSilence: Was Caitlin Moran's Twitter boycott an effective form of protest?
-
Could austerity really be good for the arts? Of course
-
From spin doctor to Doctor Who: Is Peter Capaldi the right choice to play the regenerated Time Lord?
How will you make today delicious?
Tell us how you plan to make today delicious and you could win a £50 M&S gift card.
Win a three-night weekend break for two in Stockholm
Hesperus Press are offering the chance to win a three-night weekend away for two to Stockholm.
Summer food reader survey
Take our grocery shopping survey for your chance to win a £100 M&S store gift card.
See Norway’s spectacular coastline
There is no finer way to discover and explore the dramatic Norwegian coastline than aboard an authentic Hurtigruten cruise.
Where's Wallonia?
War and peace: history revisited in the cities of Southern Belgium - a travel guide in association with the Belgian Tourist Office.
Win first-class inter-rail passes
Win first-class rail passes to explore the sights and sounds of Europe with redspottedhanky.com.
Celebrate the joy of reading with NOOK®
You can buy a NOOK Simple Touch Glowlight at £69, or the NOOK HD 8GB Tablet for just £99 - until 3 September.
Enter the latest Independent competitions
Win anything from gadgets to five-star holidays on our competitions and offers page.
Business videos from commercial thought leaders
Watch the best in the business world give their insights into the world of business.
Patrick Strudwick
-
Gay Marriage Bill: This has been a wonderful day. I only wish the 14-year-old me could have seen it
-
World Aids Day: Suddenly I had a future, the relief was immense
-
Don't punish victims of violent crime further by removing compensation they desperately need
-
Pierre Dukan: 'Yes, slimmer teenagers do deserve better exam grades'
Get the best in opinion from Independent Voices, straight to your inbox every Thursday lunchtime.
Subscribe
iJobs General
Year 1 Teacher
£90 - £160 per day: Randstad Education Group: A Primary School in Bradford are...
Commercial Lawyer – Renewable Energy
£28000 - £32000 Per Annum: The Green Recruitment Company: Job Title: Commercia...
Solar PV - Sales South
£30000 Per Annum Bonus + Car: The Green Recruitment Company: Job Title: Solar ...
Renewable Heating Sales Manager
£25000 Per Annum basic + car + commission: The Green Recruitment Company: The ...
Day In a Page
Special report: How my father's face turned up in Robert Capa's lost suitcase
The unmade speech: An alternative draft of history
Funny business: Meet the women running comedy
DJ Taylor: Who stole the people's own culture?
Guest List: IoS Literary Editor suggests some books for your summer holiday
Rupert Cornwell: What if Edward Snowden had stayed to fight his corner?
Comedian Tig Notaro: 'Hello. I have cancer'
Bill Granger's Asia-influenced egg recipes


