Just look at the contribution Yashika Bageerathi might have made to Britain. I mean – obviously she had to be deported

The 19-year-old Mauritian caused so much chaos that hundreds rallied round to support her

Share

That’s got rid of her then. That student we deported a few weeks before her Maths A-levels has been flown back to Mauritius, that’s how to deal with immigrants who come over here trying to solve our equations. Otherwise we’ll end up with millions of them coming here, squaring x after x until there’s none left. Because the truth is there simply aren’t enough equilateral triangles to go round.

As well as studying for exams, it appears Yashika Bageerathi spent much of her free time teaching Maths to younger students, and fund-raising for the school. But thankfully we’ve sent her away now, so we won’t have to put up with her sponging off the rest of us like that again.

Take take take, that’s all it is with these people “Ooh can I come round and help your daughter with any difficulties she’s having with decimals?” Then it’s “I want to raise money to stop the school collapsing”, and STILL we let them in. We’re MUGS.

Some people might suggest Yashika was making a positive contribution, as she would have gone into work in a specialised field and paid taxes and made the country better off. But what if the exam over-ran, by 45 years? Then she’d be entitled to a pension paid for by you and me, the long-suffering taxpayer. Or what if, during the exam, she had an accident with a logarithm that broke her legs and left her lying in hospital for ever? The cost of looking after her for eternity would be an infinite sum, which is an amount we simply can’t afford in these difficult times.

There’s another argument for such strict rules on deporting people, which seems to be, “If we allowed her to stay, other foreigners might spot we’re a soft touch and copy her. And we simply don’t have the resources to cope with that amount of help and fund-raising. Our services are at breaking point already, so more people helping them out would finally make them snap”.

Yashika’s mother, community and school pleaded for her to be allowed to complete her exams. But the Home Office insisted her visa had run out so she had to go. This makes sense, as long as you believe that all immigration is a drain on us, and involves us looking after all those who come. For example, according to this theory, an African paramedic might be treating a stroke victim on the pavement, but if their papers expired at that moment they should be immediately deported, with an immigration officer explaining that rules are rules and we can’t keep bailing out immigrants, before apologising to the patient for having to pay taxes to fund this foreigner, and assuring him he’s now free to mop up his own dribble.

The assumption is that every extra person simply takes, but contributes nothing. If this is true it’s essential to keep the population as low as possible, to ensure we stay wealthy. For example, in 1840 Britain’s population was around a quarter of what it is now, so we must have been four times better off. With so few people to share the money with, loom workers would travel to the mill every morning up the canal in a private yacht, which is why many people believe the TV show Made in Chelsea is based on Hard Times by Charles Dickens.

Every rise in population and immigration appears to have coincided with an increase in overall wealth, so the next trick, if you wish to make out that immigration causes disaster, is to exaggerate the numbers. This is why Migration Watch produce reports such as “20 billion Latvians set to arrive in Hemel Hempstead”. 

Then you have to portray immigrants as sinister figures, so you get articles in certain newspapers that start, “A hate-filled immigrant preacher of hate, infamous for his iron nose shaped like an AK-47 for firing tracer bullets at the elderly, and who once demanded Dorset should be exploded in holy glory unless its tea-shoppes stopped serving scones during Ramadam, has appealed to the European Court in Strasbourg against a jail sentence as he claims it’s his basic human right to watch International Darts and the prison has ‘no plans at present to install Sky Sports 4’.”    

But an immigrant is probably more likely to be someone like Yashika, and it’s easy to see the social chaos she caused. She created so much discord that hundreds of students and neighbours fought her deportation, to the extent that even the local Conservative MP, who has campaigned as being “tough on immigration”, had to say he was disappointed with the decision to send her away.

But somehow a climate has been created in which it’s seen as vote-winning to deport a popular, generous young woman, with her mother screaming in anguish. Maybe the Home Office will issue a statement that goes, “Any other punk like to try their chances with the Home Secretary. Eh? EH? Then shut up and do what I say or the 90-year-old Bengali man who runs the chemist with his daughters gets it next.”

In their defence it may be that they haven’t worked out that if someone arrives, and contributes more than they take, that means there is more than there was before they came. If only there was a way of finding more people who understood maths, to help clear this matter up.

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Senior Accounts Assistant - Accounts Payable - St. Albans

£26000 - £28000 per annum + benefits : Ashdown Group: Senior Accounts Assistan...

Ashdown Group: Treasury Assistant - Accounts Assistant - London, Old Street

£24000 - £26000 per annum + benefits : Ashdown Group: A highly successful, glo...

Recruitment Genius: Installation and Service / Security Engineer

£22000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company is part of a Group...

Recruitment Genius: Service Charge Accounts Assistant

£16000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Are you a a young, dynamic pers...

Day In a Page

Read Next
A Gold Ferrari sits outside Chanel on Sloane Street  

Sunday Times Rich List: We are no longer in thrall to very rich people

Terence Blacker
David Cameron was openly emotional at the prospect of Scotland leaving the union before the referendum  

Remember when David Cameron almost cried over Scotland because he loved it so much?

Matthew Norman
General Election 2015: Chuka Umunna on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband

Chuka Umunna: A virus of racism runs through Ukip

The shadow business secretary on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband
Yemen crisis: This exotic war will soon become Europe's problem

Yemen's exotic war will soon affect Europe

Terrorism and boatloads of desperate migrants will be the outcome of the Saudi air campaign, says Patrick Cockburn
Marginal Streets project aims to document voters in the run-up to the General Election

Marginal Streets project documents voters

Independent photographers Joseph Fox and Orlando Gili are uploading two portraits of constituents to their website for each day of the campaign
Game of Thrones: Visit the real-life kingdom of Westeros to see where violent history ends and telly tourism begins

The real-life kingdom of Westeros

Is there something a little uncomfortable about Game of Thrones shooting in Northern Ireland?
How to survive a social-media mauling, by the tough women of Twitter

How to survive a Twitter mauling

Mary Beard, Caroline Criado-Perez, Louise Mensch, Bunny La Roche and Courtney Barrasford reveal how to trounce the trolls
Gallipoli centenary: At dawn, the young remember the young who perished in one of the First World War's bloodiest battles

At dawn, the young remember the young

A century ago, soldiers of the Empire – many no more than boys – spilt on to Gallipoli’s beaches. On this 100th Anzac Day, there are personal, poetic tributes to their sacrifice
Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves

Follow the money as never before

Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves, reports Rupert Cornwell
Samuel West interview: The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents

Samuel West interview

The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents
General Election 2015: Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

Fashion editor, Alexander Fury, on what the leaders' appearances tell us about them
Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

The architect of the HeForShe movement and head of UN Women on the world's failure to combat domestic violence
Public relations as 'art'? Surely not

Confessions of a former PR man

The 'art' of public relations is being celebrated by the V&A museum, triggering some happy memories for DJ Taylor
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef succumbs to his sugar cravings with super-luxurious sweet treats

Bill Granger's luxurious sweet treats

Our chef loves to stop for 30 minutes to catch up on the day's gossip, while nibbling on something sweet
London Marathon 2015: Paula Radcliffe and the mother of all goodbyes

The mother of all goodbyes

Paula Radcliffe's farewell to the London Marathon will be a family affair
Everton vs Manchester United: Steven Naismith demands 'better' if Toffees are to upset the odds against United

Steven Naismith: 'We know we must do better'

The Everton forward explains the reasons behind club's decline this season
Arsenal vs Chelsea: Praise to Arsene Wenger for having the courage of his convictions

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Praise to Wenger for having the courage of his convictions