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Just look at the contribution Yashika Bageerathi might have made to Britain. I mean – obviously she had to be deported

The 19-year-old Mauritian caused so much chaos that hundreds rallied round to support her

That’s got rid of her then. That student we deported a few weeks before her Maths A-levels has been flown back to Mauritius, that’s how to deal with immigrants who come over here trying to solve our equations. Otherwise we’ll end up with millions of them coming here, squaring x after x until there’s none left. Because the truth is there simply aren’t enough equilateral triangles to go round.

As well as studying for exams, it appears Yashika Bageerathi spent much of her free time teaching Maths to younger students, and fund-raising for the school. But thankfully we’ve sent her away now, so we won’t have to put up with her sponging off the rest of us like that again.

Take take take, that’s all it is with these people “Ooh can I come round and help your daughter with any difficulties she’s having with decimals?” Then it’s “I want to raise money to stop the school collapsing”, and STILL we let them in. We’re MUGS.

Some people might suggest Yashika was making a positive contribution, as she would have gone into work in a specialised field and paid taxes and made the country better off. But what if the exam over-ran, by 45 years? Then she’d be entitled to a pension paid for by you and me, the long-suffering taxpayer. Or what if, during the exam, she had an accident with a logarithm that broke her legs and left her lying in hospital for ever? The cost of looking after her for eternity would be an infinite sum, which is an amount we simply can’t afford in these difficult times.

There’s another argument for such strict rules on deporting people, which seems to be, “If we allowed her to stay, other foreigners might spot we’re a soft touch and copy her. And we simply don’t have the resources to cope with that amount of help and fund-raising. Our services are at breaking point already, so more people helping them out would finally make them snap”.

Yashika’s mother, community and school pleaded for her to be allowed to complete her exams. But the Home Office insisted her visa had run out so she had to go. This makes sense, as long as you believe that all immigration is a drain on us, and involves us looking after all those who come. For example, according to this theory, an African paramedic might be treating a stroke victim on the pavement, but if their papers expired at that moment they should be immediately deported, with an immigration officer explaining that rules are rules and we can’t keep bailing out immigrants, before apologising to the patient for having to pay taxes to fund this foreigner, and assuring him he’s now free to mop up his own dribble.

The assumption is that every extra person simply takes, but contributes nothing. If this is true it’s essential to keep the population as low as possible, to ensure we stay wealthy. For example, in 1840 Britain’s population was around a quarter of what it is now, so we must have been four times better off. With so few people to share the money with, loom workers would travel to the mill every morning up the canal in a private yacht, which is why many people believe the TV show Made in Chelsea is based on Hard Times by Charles Dickens.

Every rise in population and immigration appears to have coincided with an increase in overall wealth, so the next trick, if you wish to make out that immigration causes disaster, is to exaggerate the numbers. This is why Migration Watch produce reports such as “20 billion Latvians set to arrive in Hemel Hempstead”. 

Then you have to portray immigrants as sinister figures, so you get articles in certain newspapers that start, “A hate-filled immigrant preacher of hate, infamous for his iron nose shaped like an AK-47 for firing tracer bullets at the elderly, and who once demanded Dorset should be exploded in holy glory unless its tea-shoppes stopped serving scones during Ramadam, has appealed to the European Court in Strasbourg against a jail sentence as he claims it’s his basic human right to watch International Darts and the prison has ‘no plans at present to install Sky Sports 4’.”    

But an immigrant is probably more likely to be someone like Yashika, and it’s easy to see the social chaos she caused. She created so much discord that hundreds of students and neighbours fought her deportation, to the extent that even the local Conservative MP, who has campaigned as being “tough on immigration”, had to say he was disappointed with the decision to send her away.

But somehow a climate has been created in which it’s seen as vote-winning to deport a popular, generous young woman, with her mother screaming in anguish. Maybe the Home Office will issue a statement that goes, “Any other punk like to try their chances with the Home Secretary. Eh? EH? Then shut up and do what I say or the 90-year-old Bengali man who runs the chemist with his daughters gets it next.”

In their defence it may be that they haven’t worked out that if someone arrives, and contributes more than they take, that means there is more than there was before they came. If only there was a way of finding more people who understood maths, to help clear this matter up.