Let’s not talk frankly about porn

Where can a full and frank porn talk go aside from one person decreeing that the other cannot have the sexual outlet they rely on?

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David Cameron has called on British couples to have a frank discussion about pornography, so that they can decide what to do when he enforces his magical online porn-block.

But his advice won’t be welcome to many. Porn is the elephant (in cheap suspenders) in the room in lots of relationships. No one wants to think that – 20 minutes after they leave the house – their partner has their pants off and is watching people with prettier genitals in positions which would reactivate a grumbling hernia. For an easy life, they ignore. Where can a full and frank porn talk go, in many cases, aside from one person decreeing that the other cannot have the sexual outlet they rely on?

Of course, if Cameron really wants to cut the numbers accessing hardcore porn then he should tell people that every time they go to FilthyVids.com it not only alerts him in Downing Street, but he can actually see them getting all sweaty and he really bloody enjoys it. Suddenly, downtime with BBC4, iPlayer and History of Ceramics sounds a more pleasurable option.

From Tom Cruise to Mr Tickle?

I’m being as open-minded as I can about Tom Cruise, John Travolta and the thousands of other Scientologists gathering in Clearwater, Florida, this week for the dedication of their new $145m “cathedral”. The 377,000-square-foot Flag Building has been in construction for nearly 15 years, so it’s a bit churlish to not be chuffed for them.

The centre will be a venue for their “Super Power” programme. It’s not clear what superpowers Tom and John might be after, but if it were me I’d work towards a pair of long arms like Mr Tickle, who could make toast and tea from his bed without getting up. Ridiculous, I know, but just as feasible as much of L Ron Hubbard’s wisdom.

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