Luluvise: Nobody - male or female - comes out of this boyfriend-rating app looking good

Ever wanted to judge ex-boyfriends online? Here's your chance...

Share
Related Topics

Luluvise is a new app that integrates with Facebook to let you rate men you’ve dated and judge them by what other women say about them. Naturally, when you meet someone you fancy, the first thing you do is Google them. Luluvise is capitalising on that perfectly natural neurotic tendency. Basically, it’s normalising Facebook-stalking.

“The vast majority of reviews are positive — ex-girlfriends, sisters, and friends helping other girls discover the guys they believe are keepers... Lulu isn't a place to trash-talk: Lulu's review system makes it impossible for a vindictive ex to reveal the size of a guy's itty bitty friend,” says the blurb.

The app is littered with these coy euphemisms. It’s true, you can’t say he has a tiny, oh what’s that silly grown-up anatomically correct word for it? oh yes, a tiny PENIS. But you can tell other users about his “#Big.Feet.” And the reason it’s impossible to “trash-talk” about them is all the men in all the world can be rated with a choice of six simple multiple-choice answers. You just tick a box. Just like those little “how do you rate our service?” cards at the end of a meal. Which is fine. It’s not like men have feelings or anything. You can rate his earning power too, by saying if he’s likely to be wearing “dumpster clothes” in five years’ time or an “Italian suit”. And all the information a woman wants to know about a man before she dates him is if he is sexy, good in bed and rich.

Men have no right to reply to the gossip about them, because the app is just for girls. Now, some people might argue that if the gender-roles were reversed then the app might be a tiny bit sexist and objectifying the men it rates (except the site doesn’t call them just “men”. They are  categorised as “#GrillMasters” and “#Trekkies” instead). But that’s fine, because they are just men. Just stupid cookie-cutter men who can’t feel or think and can be summarised in a few sassy phrases of cute girl-talk. Some of them “#Smell Amazeballs” - that’s all you really need to know in order to decide whether to embark on a relationship with them - isn’t it?

The only thing worse than an app that endorses rating men behind their back and making women sound like materialistic dolts would be a site that gets men to tell women how to behave in order to please them. It would make women second-guess themselves and have questions like, “when’s the right time to have sex with a guy you’re dating?” and then let men tell them they are sluts and won’t ever get a boyfriend if they have sex on the first date. Oh wait. The Lulu site has a blog, called “Dear Dude” that does exactly that.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

SEN Teaching Assistant

£70 - £85 per day: Randstad Education Group: SEN Teaching Assistants needed in...

Year 4 Teacher required for 2 terms

£21500 - £35000 per annum: Randstad Education Cambridge: Randstad Education ar...

Accounts Assistant - Sales Ledger, Sage Line 50 - St Albans

£20000 - £22000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: A highly successful and w...

EBD Teacher

£120 - £130 per day: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Are you a quailed Teacher ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Dance yourself happy: strutting their stuff is, apparently, better for people than visiting the gym  

How should we measure the 'worth' of our nation?

Dan Holden
An Ottawa police officer runs with his weapon drawn outside Parliament Hill in Ottawa  

Ottawa shooting: Canada’s innocence is not lost — unless we want it to be

Jake Heller
How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?

A crime that reveals London's dark heart

How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?
Meet 'Porridge' and 'Vampire': Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker

Lost in translation: Western monikers

Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker. Simon Usborne, who met a 'Porridge' and a 'Vampire' while in China, can see the problem
Handy hacks that make life easier: New book reveals how to rid your inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone

Handy hacks that make life easier

New book reveals how to rid your email inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone with a loo-roll
KidZania lets children try their hands at being a firefighter, doctor or factory worker for the day

KidZania: It's a small world

The new 'educational entertainment experience' in London's Shepherd's Bush will allow children to try out the jobs that are usually undertaken by adults, including firefighter, doctor or factory worker
Renée Zellweger's real crime has been to age in an industry that prizes women's youth over humanity

'Renée Zellweger's real crime was to age'

The actress's altered appearance raised eyebrows at Elle's Women in Hollywood awards on Monday
From Cinderella to The Jungle Book, Disney plans live-action remakes of animated classics

Disney plans live-action remakes of animated classics

From Cinderella to The Jungle Book, Patrick Grafton-Green wonders if they can ever recapture the old magic
Thousands of teenagers to visit battlefields of the First World War in new Government scheme

Pupils to visit First World War battlefields

A new Government scheme aims to bring the the horrors of the conflict to life over the next five years
The 10 best smartphone accessories

Make the most of your mobile: 10 best smartphone accessories

Try these add-ons for everything from secret charging to making sure you never lose your keys again
Mario Balotelli substituted at half-time against Real Madrid: Was this shirt swapping the real reason?

Liverpool v Real Madrid

Mario Balotelli substituted at half-time. Was shirt swapping the real reason?
West Indies tour of India: Hurricane set to sweep Windies into the shadows

Hurricane set to sweep Windies into the shadows

Decision to pull out of India tour leaves the WICB fighting for its existence with an off-field storm building
Indiana serial killer? Man arrested for murdering teenage prostitute confesses to six other murders - and police fear there could be many more

A new American serial killer?

Police fear man arrested for murder of teen prostitute could be responsible for killing spree dating back 20 years
Sweetie, the fake 10-year-old girl designed to catch online predators, claims her first scalp

Sting to trap paedophiles may not carry weight in UK courts

Computer image of ‘Sweetie’ represented entrapment, experts say
Fukushima nuclear crisis: Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on - and may never return home

Return to Fukushima – a land they will never call home again

Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on from nuclear disaster
Wildlife Photographer of the Year: Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize

Wildlife Photographer of the Year

Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize
Online petitions: Sign here to change the world

Want to change the world? Just sign here

The proliferation of online petitions allows us to register our protests at the touch of a button. But do they change anything?