Matthew Norman on Monday: Courageous Kelvin is a delicate petal

The shadow of poverty looms in Ed Miliband's conference speech; Boris scores an own goal on World Cup '66, and an apology to the Church of Scientology

Share
Related Topics

Try not to look on this as special pleading for a dear old friend, but the character assassination of Kelvin MacKenzie must cease forthwith. One weeny mistake over Hillsborough – hardly, as his courageous demand for an apology from South Yorkshire police makes plain, his fault anyway – must not besmirch his reputation. From recent coverage, the naïve might assume that an editor is responsible for the headlines he writes and the reports he prints against his colleague’s advice.

Even those who should know better fall into the trap. “It was my decision and my decision alone to do that front page in that way,” another Kelvin MacKenzie, pictured, once recalled, “and I made a rather serious error.”  Heaven knows how this second Kelvin came by such a notion. The truth is better captured by the analysis of Sun exclusives that proved a touch parsimonious with the actualité made, long ago, by yet a third Kelvin MacKenzie: “When I published those stories, they were not lies. They were great stories that later turned out to be untrue – and that is different. What am I supposed to feel ashamed about?” Is this not the very argument so persuasively advanced, regarding Iraq, by Mr Tony Blair? As with a rival Trinity, it is an intellectual challenge too far to comprehend where one Kelvin begins and another ends. Ultimately, it boils down to the very quality he invested in the police: it is a matter of blind faith. Whether or not the BBC retains it, and continues to book him for Question Time, I do and forever shall.

Dom’s tax arguments are just genius

Concerns mount that Dominic Mohan, the present editor of The Sun, concentrates too much of his cerebral firepower on the leader column, at the expense of showbiz and sport. Take this from yesterday. “The mansion tax is set for a comeback. Why? Because it was a great idea? No. If it had been, David Cameron wouldn’t have axed it from the last Budget.” A devastating argument, recalling how passionately Dom welcomed all the great ideas (granny tax, pasty tax, and so on) Mr Cameron was happy to leave in the Budget. Dom’s a genius, and no mistake.

The shadow of poverty looms

Good luck to Ed Miliband with tomorrow’s speech, which will apparently focus on being a comprehensive kid who, while others were pelting the town oiks of Slough with golden sovereigns, rose four hours before he went to bed in a pot hole on the M1. Sadly, there may be no room in the moving address for a paean to his brother David, who reprises his popular prince-across-the-water act by making only a fleeting appearance at the conference. Even if David happens to be off earning a few bob, what of it? Those exposed to the sort of gruelling childhood the Milibandroids’ endured, in the shadow of Hampstead’s dark, satanic millionaire’s rows, never lose the terror of poverty. Did Cherie teach us nothing at all?

Advice for Danny:  do not be tempted

If The Sunday Times is right about Danny Alexander having put together a leadership campaign team, lest Nick Clegg suddenly fall, the advice to Danny is briefly put. Don’t. Be. Silly.

Boris’s ignorance of sporting history

That Bullingdon competitive streak hits a new zenith with Boris Johnson, pictured, attempting to trump the PM in the field of staggering ignorance. “I was only 2” is Boris’s explanation for citing Bobby Moore as the hat-trick scorer in 1966. Well said. It’s crazy to expect a chap to know about obscure events he didn’t sentiently live through. I mean, it’s hardly as if Boris ever presented a TV documentary based on his own book about the Roman Empire.

An apology to the Church of Scientology

The Church of Scientology: an apology. Along with other know-nothing media twerps, I have from time to time ridiculed this religion as a less than bona fide faith. I now learn from a tabloid that Scientologists recently addressed Tottenham Hotspur players about the evils of drugs. In light of Spurs 3-2 win at Old Trafford on Saturday, I apologise to Scientology for doubting dianetics and other central tenets of this fine religion. We also ask Daniel Levy, the club’s adorably pointy-headed chairman, to rename the club Tottenham Hubbards, and to replace the cockerel as club emblem with a Mission Impossible publicity shot of Tom Cruise, pictured.

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Office Administrator

£14000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An Office Administrator is requ...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive - Commercial Vehicles - OTE £40,000

£12000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Due to expansion and growth of ...

Ashdown Group: Senior PHP Developer - Sheffield - £50,000

£40000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Senior PHP Developer position with a...

Recruitment Genius: Operations Leader - Plasma Processing

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: An Operations Leader is required to join a lea...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

i Editor's Letter: Most powerful woman in British politics

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
All the major parties are under pressure from sceptical voters to spell out their tax and spending plans  

Yet again, the economy is the battleground on which the election will be fought

Patrick Diamond
Revealed: Why Mohammed Emwazi chose the 'safe option' of fighting for Isis, rather than following his friends to al-Shabaab in Somalia

Why Mohammed Emwazi chose Isis

His friends were betrayed and killed by al-Shabaab
'The solution can never be to impassively watch on while desperate people drown'
An open letter to David Cameron: Building fortress Europe has had deadly results

Open letter to David Cameron

Building the walls of fortress Europe has had deadly results
Tory candidates' tweets not as 'spontaneous' as they seem - you don't say!

You don't say!

Tory candidates' election tweets not as 'spontaneous' as they appear
Mubi: Netflix for people who want to stop just watching trash

So what is Mubi?

Netflix for people who want to stop just watching trash all the time
The impossible job: how to follow Kevin Spacey?

The hardest job in theatre?

How to follow Kevin Spacey
Armenian genocide: To continue to deny the truth of this mass human cruelty is close to a criminal lie

Armenian genocide and the 'good Turks'

To continue to deny the truth of this mass human cruelty is close to a criminal lie
Lou Reed: The truth about the singer's upbringing beyond the biographers' and memoirists' myths

'Lou needed care, but what he got was ECT'

The truth about the singer's upbringing beyond
Migrant boat disaster: This human tragedy has been brewing for four years and EU states can't say they were not warned

This human tragedy has been brewing for years

EU states can't say they were not warned
Women's sportswear: From tackling a marathon to a jog in the park, the right kit can help

Women's sportswear

From tackling a marathon to a jog in the park, the right kit can help
Hillary Clinton's outfits will be as important as her policies in her presidential bid

Clinton's clothes

Like it or not, her outfits will be as important as her policies
NHS struggling to monitor the safety and efficacy of its services outsourced to private providers

Who's monitoring the outsourced NHS services?

A report finds that private firms are not being properly assessed for their quality of care
Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

The Tory MP said he did not want to stand again unless his party's manifesto ruled out a third runway. But he's doing so. Watch this space
How do Greek voters feel about Syriza's backtracking on its anti-austerity pledge?

How do Greeks feel about Syriza?

Five voters from different backgrounds tell us what they expect from Syriza's charismatic leader Alexis Tsipras
From Iraq to Libya and Syria: The wars that come back to haunt us

The wars that come back to haunt us

David Cameron should not escape blame for his role in conflicts that are still raging, argues Patrick Cockburn
Sam Baker and Lauren Laverne: Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

A new website is trying to declutter the internet to help busy women. Holly Williams meets the founders