Molesworth’s guide to the new grammar SATs

No peking at yore naybors answer sheet. you have 45 minutes...

Share

Boo sucks we hav just lurned that we now all hav yet another SATS TEST to do this year and it is grammer chiz chiz all so that the beaks can crush the brave fearles sprit of boys (altho the GURLS all luv the subj) and always sa things like you didnt orter sa that molesworth you should hav said whom not who ect ect I mene realy this is the living end. It is all the super whiz I don’t think idea of Michael Gove who hav a face like a squished tomato and for once I do not exagerrate.

So in we all troop into the hall chiz moan drone masters man the exits with kalashnikovs ect it is the same old storey. No peking at yore naybors answer sheet hand over all buble gum cut throte razors attom bombs ect you have 45 minutes turn over the paper NOW.

 

Q. Circle all the adverbs in the sentence below:

“Excitedly, Dan opened the heavy lid. He paused briefly and looked at the treasure.”

Cor I mene strike a lite but could somebode explane to me what is going on in Dans head? If i had discovered a box of tresure the last thing i would be doing is circling the adverbs. I care less than 0 for adverbs at the best of times but if had found a box of roobies emralds gold ect the first thing i would do would be stuf  my pokets with the lot and then SCRAM. Also that look like 2 scentences to me hem hem.

 

Q. A prefix is a letter or a group of letters added to the beginning of a word to make a new word. For example: “Unhappy”.

Go on. I am wating for the question mark at the end of this but it seme that even the people setting this loopy test do not kno their own subj. quis custodet ipsos custodies eh? (Lat.)

 

Put a prefix at the beginning of each word to make it mean the opposite:  __behave  __correct  __possible

Maybe this hav something to do with the previous Q. maybe it do not. As it is i neither kno nor care. Next!

 

Q. Circle the preposition in this sentence: She waited until 10 o’clock.

Agane with the circling. Why must we circle the proposition? Are we afrade of it? Do it hav fangs or a switchblade? I sa we charge it before 10 o’clock when it least expect it hurrah hurrah.

 

Q. – but o dere our time is now up hand papers in wate for results tremble tremble and think about future job prospects which lets face it do not exist unless pater and mater hav sent you to ETON. Will this test help us when we ring people up all day and sa excuse me sir or madam hav you considered changing yore gas suplier? I think NOT. 

(With acknowledgments to Geoffrey Willans)

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Middleware Support Analyst

£45000 - £50000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client is curr...

Senior Java Developer/Designer

£400 - £450 Per Day: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: My client are looking fo...

Domino Developer and Administrator

£40000 - £45000 Per Annum + benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Domino ...

IT Teacher

£100 - £120 per day: Randstad Education Group: Full or Part Time ICT Teacher ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Daily catch-up: Cameron’s speech, his place in history, and the Pedant Club

John Rentoul
 

Why Facebook won't be feeling threatened by Ello...yet

Ed Rex
Italian couples fake UK divorce scam on an ‘industrial scale’

Welcome to Maidenhead, the divorce capital of... Italy

A look at the the legal tourists who exploited our liberal dissolution rules
Tom and Jerry cartoons now carry a 'racial prejudice' warning on Amazon

Tom and Jerry cartoons now carry a 'racial prejudice' warning on Amazon

The vintage series has often been criticised for racial stereotyping
An app for the amorous: Could Good2Go end disputes about sexual consent - without being a passion-killer?

An app for the amorous

Could Good2Go end disputes about sexual consent - without being a passion-killer?
Llansanffraid is now Llansantffraid. Welsh town changes its name, but can you spot the difference?

Llansanffraid is now Llansantffraid

Welsh town changes its name, but can you spot the difference?
Charlotte Riley: At the peak of her powers

Charlotte Riley: At the peak of her powers

After a few early missteps with Chekhov, her acting career has taken her to Hollywood. Next up is a role in the BBC’s gangster drama ‘Peaky Blinders’
She's having a laugh: Britain's female comedians have never had it so good

She's having a laugh

Britain's female comedians have never had it so good, says stand-up Natalie Haynes
Sistine Chapel to ‘sing’ with new LED lights designed to bring Michelangelo’s masterpiece out of the shadows

Let there be light

Sistine Chapel to ‘sing’ with new LEDs designed to bring Michelangelo’s masterpiece out of the shadows
Great British Bake Off, semi-final, review: Richard remains the baker to beat

Tensions rise in Bake Off's pastry week

Richard remains the baker to beat as Chetna begins to flake
Paris Fashion Week, spring/summer 2015: Time travel fashion at Louis Vuitton in Paris

A look to the future

It's time travel fashion at Louis Vuitton in Paris
The 10 best bedspreads

The 10 best bedspreads

Before you up the tog count on your duvet, add an extra layer and a room-changing piece to your bed this autumn
Arsenal vs Galatasaray: Five things we learnt from the Emirates

Arsenal vs Galatasaray

Five things we learnt from the Gunners' Champions League victory at the Emirates
Stuart Lancaster’s long-term deal makes sense – a rarity for a decision taken by the RFU

Lancaster’s long-term deal makes sense – a rarity for a decision taken by the RFU

This deal gives England a head-start to prepare for 2019 World Cup, says Chris Hewett
Ebola outbreak: The children orphaned by the virus – then rejected by surviving relatives over fear of infection

The children orphaned by Ebola...

... then rejected by surviving relatives over fear of infection
Pride: Are censors pandering to homophobia?

Are censors pandering to homophobia?

US film censors have ruled 'Pride' unfit for under-16s, though it contains no sex or violence
The magic of roundabouts

Lords of the rings

Just who are the Roundabout Appreciation Society?