Molesworth’s guide to the new grammar SATs

No peking at yore naybors answer sheet. you have 45 minutes...

Share

Boo sucks we hav just lurned that we now all hav yet another SATS TEST to do this year and it is grammer chiz chiz all so that the beaks can crush the brave fearles sprit of boys (altho the GURLS all luv the subj) and always sa things like you didnt orter sa that molesworth you should hav said whom not who ect ect I mene realy this is the living end. It is all the super whiz I don’t think idea of Michael Gove who hav a face like a squished tomato and for once I do not exagerrate.

So in we all troop into the hall chiz moan drone masters man the exits with kalashnikovs ect it is the same old storey. No peking at yore naybors answer sheet hand over all buble gum cut throte razors attom bombs ect you have 45 minutes turn over the paper NOW.

 

Q. Circle all the adverbs in the sentence below:

“Excitedly, Dan opened the heavy lid. He paused briefly and looked at the treasure.”

Cor I mene strike a lite but could somebode explane to me what is going on in Dans head? If i had discovered a box of tresure the last thing i would be doing is circling the adverbs. I care less than 0 for adverbs at the best of times but if had found a box of roobies emralds gold ect the first thing i would do would be stuf  my pokets with the lot and then SCRAM. Also that look like 2 scentences to me hem hem.

 

Q. A prefix is a letter or a group of letters added to the beginning of a word to make a new word. For example: “Unhappy”.

Go on. I am wating for the question mark at the end of this but it seme that even the people setting this loopy test do not kno their own subj. quis custodet ipsos custodies eh? (Lat.)

 

Put a prefix at the beginning of each word to make it mean the opposite:  __behave  __correct  __possible

Maybe this hav something to do with the previous Q. maybe it do not. As it is i neither kno nor care. Next!

 

Q. Circle the preposition in this sentence: She waited until 10 o’clock.

Agane with the circling. Why must we circle the proposition? Are we afrade of it? Do it hav fangs or a switchblade? I sa we charge it before 10 o’clock when it least expect it hurrah hurrah.

 

Q. – but o dere our time is now up hand papers in wate for results tremble tremble and think about future job prospects which lets face it do not exist unless pater and mater hav sent you to ETON. Will this test help us when we ring people up all day and sa excuse me sir or madam hav you considered changing yore gas suplier? I think NOT. 

(With acknowledgments to Geoffrey Willans)

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
SPONSORED FEATURES
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Barnardo's: Corporate Audit and Inspection – Retail Intern (Leeds)

Unpaid - £4 lunch allowance plus travel to and from work: Barnardo's: Purpose ...

Recruitment Genius: Content Writer - Global Financial Services

£25000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: From modest beginnings the comp...

Recruitment Genius: Web Developer - PHP

£35000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: From modest beginnings the comp...

Recruitment Genius: Customer Service / Receptionist

£15000 - £24000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward, who were killed after a gunman opened fire during a live broadcast in Virginia  

Because of Facebook and Twitter I still have Alison Parker's final chilling moments looping in my head

Nash Riggins
A Chinese investor holds prayer beads as he monitors stock prices at a brokerage house in Beijing  

We fear China's growing power. But it is morally reprehensible to celebrate the country's woes

Fokke Obbema
The Silk Roads that trace civilisation: Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places

The Silk Roads that trace civilisation

Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places
House of Lords: Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled

The honours that shame Britain

Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled
When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race

'When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race'

Why are black men living the stereotypes and why are we letting them get away with it?
International Tap Festival: Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic

International Tap Festival comes to the UK

Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic
War with Isis: Is Turkey's buffer zone in Syria a matter of self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

Turkey's buffer zone in Syria: self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

Ankara accused of exacerbating racial division by allowing Turkmen minority to cross the border
Doris Lessing: Acclaimed novelist was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show

'A subversive brothel keeper and Communist'

Acclaimed novelist Doris Lessing was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show
Big Blue Live: BBC's Springwatch offshoot swaps back gardens for California's Monterey Bay

BBC heads to the Californian coast

The Big Blue Live crew is preparing for the first of three episodes on Sunday night, filming from boats, planes and an aquarium studio
Austin Bidwell: The Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England with the most daring forgery the world had known

Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England

Conman Austin Bidwell. was a heartless cad who carried out the most daring forgery the world had known
Car hacking scandal: Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked

Car hacking scandal

Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked
10 best placemats

Take your seat: 10 best placemats

Protect your table and dine in style with a bold new accessory
Ashes 2015: Alastair Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

Aussie skipper Michael Clarke was lured into believing that what we witnessed at Edgbaston and Trent Bridge would continue in London, says Kevin Garside
Can Rafael Benitez get the best out of Gareth Bale at Real Madrid?

Can Benitez get the best out of Bale?

Back at the club he watched as a boy, the pressure is on Benitez to find a winning blend from Real's multiple talents. As La Liga begins, Pete Jenson asks if it will be enough to stop Barcelona
Athletics World Championships 2015: Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jessica Ennis-Hill and Katarina Johnson-Thompson heptathlon rivalry

Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jess and Kat rivalry

The last time the two British heptathletes competed, Ennis-Hill was on the way to Olympic gold and Johnson-Thompson was just a promising teenager. But a lot has happened in the following three years
Jeremy Corbyn: Joining a shrewd operator desperate for power as he visits the North East

Jeremy Corbyn interview: A shrewd operator desperate for power

His radical anti-austerity agenda has caught the imagination of the left and politically disaffected and set a staid Labour leadership election alight
Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief: Defender of ancient city's past was killed for protecting its future

Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief

Robert Fisk on the defender of the ancient city's past who was killed for protecting its future