Morrissey autobiography: I can’t wait to discover this charming man’s side of the story

Plus, at least the badger cull is black and white for Nick Clegg

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The Independent Online

Morrissey’s autobiography is out today apparently, but don’t hold your breath, it’s been a bit “on again, off again”. No matter what his book is like, he is a wonderful, cantankerous, problematic national treasure. A man whose natural working state is reminiscent of a tom cat in full umbrage being lifted into a pet carrier.

I await the arrival of his memoirs on my Kindle with as much glee as a sugar-fuelled child on Christmas Eve, if only to find out if Morrissey can remember his reasons for falling out with bandmates in The Smiths, legally threatening, sacking and cutting off so many people over the past 20 years.

Or, like all the best feuds – and I empathise with this fully – does Morrissey have no real factual memories of the detail, he just knows he was right and he’s still bloody furious?

Not such a black and white issue after all, Nick

Just when Nick Clegg couldn’t seem any less reliable as a human being, he’s announced that as an “animal-lover” he’s in full support of the Somserset and Gloucester badger cull.

Maybe he’s realised that a badger stood upright in a Next suit with policies mainly involving “scrabbling in mud” and “trying not to spread TB, but no guarantees” has more chance of success than he does in future elections.

More seriously, it’s time for a proper debate in the Commons about the issue. The online petition currently stands at 105,000 signatures. The Shadow Environment Secretary, Mary Creagh, argues that the Government is pressing ahead with the cull, despite official advice that it will cost more than it saves and will actually spread bovine TB in the short term as badgers are disturbed by the shooting.

But Clegg is not moved by these types of words. I look forward, in a few years’ time, to a special edit of his “I’m sorry” charity track, where he can rhyme “badgers” with “I’m a jelly-elbowed pain in the nadgers”.