My list of the greatest time-wasting internet sites

Bored at work? Here are some suggestions to make the time fly by.

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, it’s time to launch my Christmas novelty book, as I do every year, and although I have previously concentrated on puzzling scientific queries –  Why Is The Fluff In The Tumble Dryer Always Grey? and Do Commandos Really Not Wear Pants?  – I have decided to ring the changes and focus on the best sites for frittering time away on the internet when you could be doing something else, like enjoying a full personal life or progressing nicely in in your chosen career.

So here are my favourites:

Battersea Dogs Home (www.battersea.org.co.uk): This is the prime site for choosing the dog you would adopt if you were in a position to adopt a dog, which you are not. At present, for example, I would adopt Hooch, who “loves cuddles and belly rubs”, if I were in a position to adopt a dog, which I’m not, although if I were in a position, I so would. Time Wasting Potential: As I rule, I can keep going for 17 days without even a toilet break. Other Stuff You Could Be Doing: Tons.

House To Home (www.housetohome.co.uk): This offers great decorating tips should you ever decide to do up your house, which you haven’t touched for decades, but who is to say you won’t start on it tomorrow? Who, who, who? Time Wasting Potential: Can be teamed with trawling eBay for the tat you would bid for, if only you had the energy. Other Stuff You Could Be Doing: Calling in a man to fix the tumble dryer which hasn’t worked for two years.

Daily Mail (www.mailonline.co.uk): Essential daily reading if you are interested in despising every woman who has ever lived, as she’s bound to be either too fat or too thin, or too fat in a thin way, or too thin in a fat way. Time Wasting Potential: As endless as those fat/thin permutations. Other Stuff You Could Be Doing: Liking yourself. A bit.

Jessica The Hippo (YouTube). If you ever tire of Jessica, who has adopted a human family in South Africa and sleeps on their veranda under a frilly pink eiderdown, you are one weird person. Time Wasting Potential: A hippo! Sleeping under a pink frilly eiderdown! What is there to get bored of? Ever? Other Things You Could be Doing: Eating a lot of cheese, which isn’t good, so Jessica may be of positive benefit.

This is an excellent gift for anyone who has ever thought of taking the children swimming, going to the cinema, or actually doing some work – the fools! –  and has already been praised by Stephen Fry: “If it were the only book in the toilet,” he has said, “I might even pick it up.”

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

MBDA UK Ltd: Test Systems Design Engineer

Competitive salary & benefits: MBDA UK Ltd: What’s the opportunity?MBDA has en...

MBDA UK Ltd: PCB Technologies Engineer

Competitive salary & benefits: MBDA UK Ltd: What’s the opportunity?MBDA has en...

Recruitment Genius: IT Support Analyst

£35000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They are the go-to company for ...

Recruitment Genius: Junior Reprographics Assistant

£12500 - £13500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The largest independent reprogr...

Day In a Page

Read Next
The Queen at Derby day during the Epsom Derby Festival, 2013  

As an MP, I shouldn't have to swear allegiance to the Queen – I serve my constituents, not her

Richard Burgon
Fifa president Sepp Blatter  

Fifa presidential election: If I had a vote, I would back Sepp Blatter

Sean O'Grady
Fifa corruption: The 161-page dossier that exposes the organisation's dark heart

The 161-page dossier that exposes Fifa's dark heart

How did a group of corrupt officials turn football’s governing body into what was, in essence, a criminal enterprise? Chris Green and David Connett reveal all
Mediterranean migrant crisis: 'If Europe thinks bombing boats will stop smuggling, it will not. We will defend ourselves,' says Tripoli PM

Exclusive interview with Tripoli PM Khalifa al-Ghweil

'If Europe thinks bombing boats will stop smuggling, it will not. We will defend ourselves'
Raymond Chandler's Los Angeles: How the author foretold the Californian water crisis

Raymond Chandler's Los Angeles

How the author foretold the Californian water crisis
Chinese artist who posted funny image of President Xi Jinping facing five years in prison as authorities crackdown on dissent in the arts

Art attack

Chinese artist who posted funny image of President Xi Jinping facing five years in prison
Marc Jacobs is putting Cher in the limelight as the face of his latest campaign

Cher is the new face of Marc Jacobs

Alexander Fury explains why designers are turning to august stars to front their lines
Parents of six-year-old who beat leukaemia plan to climb Ben Nevis for cancer charity

'I'm climbing Ben Nevis for my daughter'

Karen Attwood's young daughter Yasmin beat cancer. Now her family is about to take on a new challenge - scaling Ben Nevis to help other children
10 best wedding gift ideas

It's that time of year again... 10 best wedding gift ideas

Forget that fancy toaster, we've gone off-list to find memorable gifts that will last a lifetime
Paul Scholes column: With the Premier League over for another year, here are my end of season awards

Paul Scholes column

With the Premier League over for another year, here are my end of season awards
Heysel disaster 30th anniversary: Liverpool have seen too much tragedy to forget fateful day in Belgium

Liverpool have seen too much tragedy to forget Heysel

Thirty years ago, 39 fans waiting to watch a European Cup final died as a result of a fatal cocktail of circumstances. Ian Herbert looks at how a club dealt with this tragedy
Amir Khan vs Chris Algieri: Khan’s audition for Floyd Mayweather may turn into a no-win situation, says Frank Warren

Khan’s audition for Mayweather may turn into a no-win situation

The Bolton fighter could be damned if he dazzles and damned if he doesn’t against Algieri, the man last seen being decked six times by Pacquiao, says Frank Warren
Blundering Tony Blair quits as Middle East peace envoy – only Israel will miss him

Blundering Blair quits as Middle East peace envoy – only Israel will miss him

For Arabs – and for Britons who lost their loved ones in his shambolic war in Iraq – his appointment was an insult, says Robert Fisk
Fifa corruption arrests: All hail the Feds for riding to football's rescue

Fifa corruption arrests

All hail the Feds for riding to football's rescue, says Ian Herbert
Isis in Syria: The Kurdish enclave still resisting the tyranny of President Assad and militant fighters

The Kurdish enclave still resisting the tyranny of Assad and Isis

In Syrian Kurdish cantons along the Turkish border, the progressive aims of the 2011 uprising are being enacted despite the war. Patrick Cockburn returns to Amuda
How I survived Cambodia's Killing Fields: Acclaimed surgeon SreyRam Kuy celebrates her mother's determination to escape the US

How I survived Cambodia's Killing Fields

Acclaimed surgeon SreyRam Kuy celebrates her mother's determination to escape to the US
Stephen Mangan interview: From posh buffoon to pregnant dad, the actor has quite a range

How Stephen Mangan got his range

Posh buffoon, hapless writer, pregnant dad - Mangan is certainly a versatile actor