Scots, of course, are famed throughout the world (well, in Scotland) for inventing a whole host of things: telephones, televisions, penicillin, marmalade and flushing toilets being only a few.
But now it turns out that we Scots invented sex. Och aye the woo-hoo! Well, to be entirely accurate, Scottish fish invented sex, but that’s fine… we’ll add it to our smug list of over-achievements.
Research published in the scientific magazine Nature confirms that, around 385m years ago, an armoured fish called Microbrachius dicki (stop sniggering at the back) was the first-known creature to reproduce by having actual sex, like we do.
That’s not to say that it downloaded a Heart 106.2 Super Smooch compilation, washed under its fins and heated up a Waitrose lasagne for two. No – and forgive me, but there’s really no way of putting this delicately – the real innovation was in the actual penetration and transfer of "the goods" from male to female.
The blokes achieved this by dint of having bony, L-shaped protrusions in their toilet area called claspers. These would make sure the chap was locked fast to the female during the Jurassic rutting in the riverbed.
Now, I’m no scientist, but even I know that the need for such immobility is down to the lack of friction in your average river. As we all know, if you’re going to get down and dirty, you need some purchase; something to push against, be it the bottom of the bed or, in the case of some of my compatriots, the back wall of their local Iceland.
Personally, to know that millennia of love-making are down to the romantic entanglements of a Scottish trout is enormously pleasing. Of course, modern Scottish men still love to clasp their special someone closely, but nowadays we prefer other methods.
And while we may not employ L-shaped protrusions any more, we still know how to treat a lady. Witness the sales of vintage Irn-Bru and fur-lined gaffa tape around Valentine’s Day if you don’t believe me…
Scotland's bragging rights
Scotland's bragging rights
1/19 Baby scans
Ian Donald, a Scottish physician, invented ultrasound while at the University of Glasgow in the 1950s which, of course, is of the utmost importance for baby scans
2/19 iPhone 6
Alexander Graham Bell was educated in Edinburgh, but left Scotland when he was 15. He made his way to Boston - via London and Canada - and in 1876 invented the telephone at the age of just 29. No Bell, no iPhone 6.
3/19 Dolly the sheep
The first animal was cloned at the Roslin Institute in Scotland. Dolly the Sheep lived there from her birth in 1996 to her death in 2003. Her stuffed remains are housed at Edinburgh's Royal Museum
4/19 The bicycle
The first pedal cycle was the work of a blacksmith's son from Dumfriesshire. Kirkpatrick Macmillan was quite unconcerned by the fuss his invention created - and didn't even bother to try and patent it
Sir Alexander Fleming was born in Lochfield in Ayrshire in 1881. He is widely regarded as one of the greatest ever Scots after his interest in natural bacterial action and viruses led to the discovery of penicillin
6/19 The BBC
Though few would say they see the BBC as a Scottish institution, its founder John Reith actually came from Glasgow. He was its first general manager when it was set up as a private company in 1922, and later its first director general when it was made public in 1927
7/19 The wheel
Yes, Scotland invented the wheel. Well, not quite the wheel - the pneumatic tyre. John Boyd Dunlop made the first practical tyre containing air in 1887
8/19 The US Navy (and the SAS)
The US Navy was created largely by John Paul Jones, who was born in Kirkcudbrightshire, while Sir David Stirling founded the SAS
Sir Robert Watson-Watt was born in Brechin and educated in Dundee. He worked for the Air Ministry on 'The Detection of Aircraft by Radio Methods', and by the outbreak of WWII had established radar stations along the east and southern coasts of England
10/19 The adhesive postage stamp
James Chalmers invented the adhesive postage stamp in 1838. He was from Arbroath
11/19 Peter Pan
Peter Pan first appeared as a character in The Little White Bird, a 1902 novel by J M Barrie. Barrie was born in Kirriemuir, Angus
12/19 Aussie Rules football
The first game of Aussie Rules was played in 1858, when it was set up to bridge the gap between different forms of the game played in England and Scotland
13/19 Golf (of course)
Golf was first recorded in Scotland in the 15th century, and the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St Andrews is the world governing body. Scotland is widely promoted as 'The Home of Golf'
14/19 Pie charts (and line charts and bar charts)
The Scottish engineer William Playfair was the founder of the first statistical graphics between 1786 and 1801, in what has become known as a 'milestone' in data visualisation
15/19 The dugout
The dugout was invented by Aberdeen FC coach Donald Colmanin in the 1920s (presumably because he was bored of being rained on)
James Braid, a surgeon and amateur scientist born in 1795 in Kinross-shire, is regarded as the Father of Hypnotism
17/19 Lime cordial
Lauchlan Rose patented the method used to preserve lime cordial without alcohol in 1867, and the first factory producing Rose's was set up in Leith in 1868
18/19 The Bank of England
Despite the name, the Bank of England was actually devised by a Scot. Born in Dumfries and Galloway in 1658, Sir William Paterson tried unsuccessfully to found a separate Scottish Empire but spent his last years in Westminster. He died an advocate of Union
19/19 The toaster
Alan MacMasters was a Scottish scientist, born in Edinburgh, who is credited with creating the first electric bread toaster