Party longer with Mike Brown on the London Funderground: The Tube to stay open until 2am at the weekend

If only the change could come sooner than 2015

Share

What is the worst feeling in the world?

I’ll tell you. It’s standing outside Camden Tube Station at 1 o’clock in the morning in the pouring rain, filled with fast-percolating lager-wee, surrounded by squealing girls and hollering troglodytes as a drone in an orange jacket shuts the iron gates to the barriers and condemns you to a long, wet, miserable stagger home. Fried chicken will be eaten. An ankle will be sprained. A number of walls and trees will be watered.

Those who are less fortunate will have to ride a night bus. I would rather ride the zombie-womble, John McCririck.

But now, Transport for London has announced something utterly brilliant! The tube will run until at least 2am on Fridays and Saturdays from 2015! I cannot tell you how exciting this is. People will be able to stay an extra hour at house parties and throw their shapes for even longer at clubs.

It seems to have been the brainchild of Transport for London’s Mike Brown. Well Mike Brown…you may have the world’s dullest name but I still want to grab your cheeky chubby cheeks and tongue you on the Circle Line. Mike says he wants to let people have more fun and to boost the night economy. Mike! Where the bloody hell have you been all my life? He must be the best guy in the pub. I reckon there’s a lock-in wherever he goes. He’s the personification of Rio de Janeiro.

Bad news, mind, if you are dumb enough to live on the Piccadilly Line. That will not be getting the extended service…I assume because the donkeys pulling the trains have to get some sleep.

But for most of us Londoners, this is the best news since the Boris bikes allowed us to do a literal fart on Barclays.

Of course, this is fantastic news for pubs and clubs and it’ll allow young women to make their way home safely at night.

But wait…Bob Crowe is circling! Might the unions oppose longer working hours or changed shifts? Would they risk making themselves the biggest party poopers in history? The threatened strikes ahead of the Olympics prove they are a complete and utter bunch of total sincere professionals concerned about passenger safety. So quite possibly.

But wait. The king of rock and rolling stock, Mike Brown, is thrusting along the tunnel with a juddering battle-cry:

“Why would any union have any problems with extra jobs?” He squeals as he thunders along the Party Central line. “We would negotiate pay for extra hours as a permanent fixture but I’m sure they would welcome the prospect of earning some more money.”

That man is like Ronnie Wood with an Osyter Card. Get in there!

Admittedly, we are suffering minor delays here: Le Metro de Paris already runs until 1.40am at weekends und der U-Bahn in Berlin runs all night. New York has the underground system that never sleeps…sort of. So it’s about time the world’s oldest tube (not including Bruce Forsyth) gets with the programme 150 years after it first trundled beneath the cobbles.

The only downside I can think of is that I’ll be tempted to spend more money. An extra hour of drinks will probably equate to, what? Another £20 on alcoholic liquids. Then you’ve got the tube journey from Zone 1 to Zone 2, which costs £2.40. Let me do the maths. One moment…just a sec…that is…£22.40 extra for my night of debauchery! Oh my goodness! I suspect a secret flask of Lambrini might be necessary.

No matter. Another hour of dancing. Another hour of singing. Another hour of eating. Another hour of kissing and smoking and arguing. Thank you Mike Brown. Forget Nelson…I want to give YOU a column.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Senior Marketing Manager - Central London - £50,000

£40000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager (Campaigns, Offlin...

Head of Marketing - Acquisition & Direct Reponse Marketing

£90000 - £135000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Head of Marketing (B2C, Acquisition...

1st Line Service Desk Analyst

£27000 - £30000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client who are...

Trainee Recruitment Consultant - Birmingham - Huxley Associates

£18000 - £23000 per annum + Commission: SThree: Huxley Associates are currentl...

Day In a Page

Read Next
David Miller, 24, and Hannah Witheridge, 23 were killed on the small island of Koh Tao on 15 September  

Now we know whose fault it is if you end up being murdered in Thailand

Chloe Hamilton
Women-only train carriages would be an insult to both sexes  

Women-only carriages would be an insult to both sexes

Katie Grant
Isis is an hour from Baghdad, the Iraq army has little chance against it, and air strikes won't help

Isis an hour away from Baghdad -

and with no sign of Iraq army being able to make a successful counter-attack
Turner Prize 2014 is frustratingly timid

Turner Prize 2014 is frustratingly timid

The exhibition nods to rich and potentially brilliant ideas, but steps back
Last chance to see: Half the world’s animals have disappeared over the last 40 years

Last chance to see...

The Earth’s animal wildlife population has halved in 40 years
So here's why teenagers are always grumpy - and it's not what you think

Truth behind teens' grumpiness

Early school hours mess with their biological clocks
Why can no one stop hackers putting celebrities' private photos online?

Hacked photos: the third wave

Why can no one stop hackers putting celebrities' private photos online?
Royal Ballet star dubbed 'Charlize Theron in pointe shoes' takes on Manon

Homegrown ballerina is on the rise

Royal Ballet star Melissa Hamilton is about to tackle the role of Manon
Education, eduction, education? Our growing fascination with what really goes on in school

Education, education, education

TV documentaries filmed in classrooms are now a genre in their own right
It’s reasonable to negotiate with the likes of Isis, so why don’t we do it and save lives?

It’s perfectly reasonable to negotiate with villains like Isis

So why don’t we do it and save some lives?
This man just ran a marathon in under 2 hours 3 minutes. Is a 2-hour race in sight?

Is a sub-2-hour race now within sight?

Dennis Kimetto breaks marathon record
We shall not be moved, say Stratford's single parents fighting eviction

Inside the E15 'occupation'

We shall not be moved, say Stratford single parents
Air strikes alone will fail to stop Isis

Air strikes alone will fail to stop Isis

Talks between all touched by the crisis in Syria and Iraq can achieve as much as the Tornadoes, says Patrick Cockburn
Nadhim Zahawi: From a refugee on welfare to the heart of No 10

Nadhim Zahawi: From a refugee on welfare to the heart of No 10

The Tory MP speaks for the first time about the devastating effect of his father's bankruptcy
Witches: A history of misogyny

Witches: A history of misogyny

The sexist abuse that haunts modern life is nothing new: women have been 'trolled' in art for 500 years
Shona Rhimes interview: Meet the most powerful woman in US television

Meet the most powerful woman in US television

Writer and producer of shows like Grey's Anatomy, Shonda Rhimes now has her own evening of primetime TV – but she’s taking it in her stride
'Before They Pass Away': Endangered communities photographed 'like Kate Moss'

Endangered communities photographed 'like Kate Moss'

Jimmy Nelson travelled the world to photograph 35 threatened tribes in an unashamedly glamorous style