Party longer with Mike Brown on the London Funderground: The Tube to stay open until 2am at the weekend

If only the change could come sooner than 2015

Share

What is the worst feeling in the world?

I’ll tell you. It’s standing outside Camden Tube Station at 1 o’clock in the morning in the pouring rain, filled with fast-percolating lager-wee, surrounded by squealing girls and hollering troglodytes as a drone in an orange jacket shuts the iron gates to the barriers and condemns you to a long, wet, miserable stagger home. Fried chicken will be eaten. An ankle will be sprained. A number of walls and trees will be watered.

Those who are less fortunate will have to ride a night bus. I would rather ride the zombie-womble, John McCririck.

But now, Transport for London has announced something utterly brilliant! The tube will run until at least 2am on Fridays and Saturdays from 2015! I cannot tell you how exciting this is. People will be able to stay an extra hour at house parties and throw their shapes for even longer at clubs.

It seems to have been the brainchild of Transport for London’s Mike Brown. Well Mike Brown…you may have the world’s dullest name but I still want to grab your cheeky chubby cheeks and tongue you on the Circle Line. Mike says he wants to let people have more fun and to boost the night economy. Mike! Where the bloody hell have you been all my life? He must be the best guy in the pub. I reckon there’s a lock-in wherever he goes. He’s the personification of Rio de Janeiro.

Bad news, mind, if you are dumb enough to live on the Piccadilly Line. That will not be getting the extended service…I assume because the donkeys pulling the trains have to get some sleep.

But for most of us Londoners, this is the best news since the Boris bikes allowed us to do a literal fart on Barclays.

Of course, this is fantastic news for pubs and clubs and it’ll allow young women to make their way home safely at night.

But wait…Bob Crowe is circling! Might the unions oppose longer working hours or changed shifts? Would they risk making themselves the biggest party poopers in history? The threatened strikes ahead of the Olympics prove they are a complete and utter bunch of total sincere professionals concerned about passenger safety. So quite possibly.

But wait. The king of rock and rolling stock, Mike Brown, is thrusting along the tunnel with a juddering battle-cry:

“Why would any union have any problems with extra jobs?” He squeals as he thunders along the Party Central line. “We would negotiate pay for extra hours as a permanent fixture but I’m sure they would welcome the prospect of earning some more money.”

That man is like Ronnie Wood with an Osyter Card. Get in there!

Admittedly, we are suffering minor delays here: Le Metro de Paris already runs until 1.40am at weekends und der U-Bahn in Berlin runs all night. New York has the underground system that never sleeps…sort of. So it’s about time the world’s oldest tube (not including Bruce Forsyth) gets with the programme 150 years after it first trundled beneath the cobbles.

The only downside I can think of is that I’ll be tempted to spend more money. An extra hour of drinks will probably equate to, what? Another £20 on alcoholic liquids. Then you’ve got the tube journey from Zone 1 to Zone 2, which costs £2.40. Let me do the maths. One moment…just a sec…that is…£22.40 extra for my night of debauchery! Oh my goodness! I suspect a secret flask of Lambrini might be necessary.

No matter. Another hour of dancing. Another hour of singing. Another hour of eating. Another hour of kissing and smoking and arguing. Thank you Mike Brown. Forget Nelson…I want to give YOU a column.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Finance Director

£65000 - £80000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Finance Director required to jo...

Recruitment Genius: Medico-Legal Assistant

£15000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a unique opportunity fo...

Ashdown Group: (PHP / Python) - Global Media firm

£50000 per annum + 26 days holiday,pension: Ashdown Group: A highly successful...

The Jenrick Group: Quality Inspector

£27000 per annum + pension + holidays: The Jenrick Group: A Quality Technician...

Day In a Page

Read Next
David Cameron faces the press as he arrives in Brussels for the EU leaders summit on Thursday reuters  

On the Tusk of a dilemma: Cameron's latest EU renegotiation foe

Andrew Grice
John Profumo and his wife Valerie Robson in 1959  

Stephen Ward’s trial was disgraceful. There can be no justification for it

Geoffrey Robertson QC
Homeless Veterans appeal: 'You look for someone who's an inspiration and try to be like them'

Homeless Veterans appeal

In 2010, Sgt Gary Jamieson stepped on an IED in Afghanistan and lost his legs and an arm. He reveals what, and who, helped him to make a remarkable recovery
Could cannabis oil reverse the effects of cancer?

Could cannabis oil reverse effects of cancer?

As a film following six patients receiving the controversial treatment is released, Kate Hilpern uncovers a very slippery issue
The Interview movie review: You can't see Seth Rogen and James Franco's Kim Jong Un assassination film, but you can read about it here

The Interview movie review

You can't see Seth Rogen and James Franco's Kim Jong Un assassination film, but you can read about it here
Serial mania has propelled podcasts into the cultural mainstream

How podcasts became mainstream

People have consumed gripping armchair investigation Serial with a relish typically reserved for box-set binges
Jesus Christ has become an unlikely pin-up for hipster marketing companies

Jesus Christ has become an unlikely pin-up

Kevin Lee Light, aka "Jesus", is the newest client of creative agency Mother while rival agency Anomaly has launched Sexy Jesus, depicting the Messiah in a series of Athena-style poses
Rosetta space mission voted most important scientific breakthrough of 2014

A memorable year for science – if not for mice

The most important scientific breakthroughs of 2014
Christmas cocktails to make you merry: From eggnog to Brown Betty and Rum Bumpo

Christmas cocktails to make you merry

Mulled wine is an essential seasonal treat. But now drinkers are rediscovering other traditional festive tipples. Angela Clutton raises a glass to Christmas cocktails
5 best activity trackers

Fitness technology: 5 best activity trackers

Up the ante in your regimen and change the habits of a lifetime with this wearable tech
Paul Scholes column: It's a little-known fact, but I have played one of the seven dwarves

Paul Scholes column

It's a little-known fact, but I have played one of the seven dwarves
Fifa's travelling circus once again steals limelight from real stars

Fifa's travelling circus once again steals limelight from real stars

Club World Cup kicked into the long grass by the continued farce surrounding Blatter, Garcia, Russia and Qatar
Frank Warren column: 2014 – boxing is back and winning new fans

Frank Warren: Boxing is back and winning new fans

2014 proves it's now one of sport's biggest hitters again
Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton: The power dynamics of the two first families

Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton

Karen Tumulty explores the power dynamics of the two first families
Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley with a hotbed of technology start-ups

Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley

The Swedish capital is home to two of the most popular video games in the world, as well as thousands of technology start-ups worth hundreds of millions of pounds – and it's all happened since 2009
Did Japanese workers really get their symbols mixed up and display Santa on a crucifix?

Crucified Santa: Urban myth refuses to die

The story goes that Japanese store workers created a life-size effigy of a smiling "Father Kurisumasu" attached to a facsimile of Our Lord's final instrument of torture
Jennifer Saunders and Kate Moss join David Walliams on set for TV adaptation of The Boy in the Dress

The Boy in the Dress: On set with the stars

Walliams' story about a boy who goes to school in a dress will be shown this Christmas