Rejoice! The days will get longer from now on

Everything is getting better, unless your other half has listened to the adverts and bought you some anti-wrinkle cream and a diet book

Share

If you have woken up this morning and feel a little bit jaded and worse for wear, do not fear, I bring good news! Because today is the day that the days start becoming longer and everything finally starts to get better. I bet you can practically feel it already.

Yesterday was the shortest and darkest day of the year in Britain, and also the day that all the shops held a "Panic Saturday" of pre-Christmas sales. If you found yourself at the shops yesterday, amid the kind of consumers whose theory of Christmas shopping is "wait till you see the whites of their eyes", bad luck. And relax: the worst is over now.

Unless, of course, you're one of those people whose theory of Christmas shopping is "wait till Christmas Eve and then panic buy everything in a petrol station", in which case bad luck your nearest and dearest. Or unless you're one of those people who keeps being polled in surveys which claim to show that we all hate our friends and families this Christmas. The latest one reveals that one in seven women would rather spend the festive season with their pets than their "loved ones", and that 12:56pm is the most stressful point of Christmas Day. Ladies, whoever you are, if you seriously hate cooking Christmas dinner that much then let someone else do it, or order a curry. And who are these "loved ones" that we all supposedly hate so much?

Anyway, from today on everything starts getting better, unless your other half has listened to the adverts and the bestseller charts and has bought you some anti-wrinkle cream and a diet book for Christmas, or that new bra that talks to you and tells you when you're about to overeat and to do some deep breathing exercises instead. (May the sweet baby Jesus preserve us.) These are the kind of "loved ones" we could all do without, but the good news is that there's still time for them to see reason and take those so-called gifts back to the shop. They could swap them for a bottle of gin, some loose-fitting trousers and a takeaway pizza, maybe. Point them in the direction of Kathleen Turner, who announced last week, "I don't look like I did 30 years ago. Get over it!"

Anyway, definitely once Christmas is over everything will start getting better, provided you can ignore the constant barrage in January of everyone telling you to get thinner and sort your life out. No animal in the known universe chooses the dark, cold winter months to sort its life out, not even hares or bears, who pop out of hibernation (we are led to believe) only to eat some Quality Street in their pyjamas. There's a reason for this: January is miserable enough without a cabbage soup diet. (Come to think of it, being on a cabbage soup diet could be the reason why your loved ones hate you.)

So, all in all, everything is getting better now that the winter solstice is over, it's obvious. Unless, that is, you're in Australia. But we don't feel sorry for you; you're warm.

twitter.com/@katyguest36912

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Business Manager

£32000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Business Manager is required ...

Recruitment Genius: Operations Manager

£45000 - £55000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Panel & Cabinet Wireman

£20000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Panel Wireman required for small electro...

Recruitment Genius: Electronics Test Engineer

£25000 - £27000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An SME based in East Cheshire, ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Newspaper stands have been criticised by the Child Eyes campaign  

There were more reader complaints this year – but, then again, there were more readers

Will Gore
 

People drink to shut out pain and stress. Arresting them won’t help

Deborah Coughlin
A timely reminder of the bloody anniversary we all forgot

A timely reminder of the bloody anniversary we all forgot

Who remembers that this week we enter the 150th anniversary year of the end of the American Civil War, asks Robert Fisk
Downfall of Dustin 'Screech' Diamond, the 'Saved By The Bell' star charged with bar stabbing

Scarred by the bell

The downfall of the TV star charged with bar stabbing
Why 2014 was a year of technological let-downs

Why 2014 was a year of technological let-downs

Security breaches and overhyped start-ups dominated a year in which very little changed (save the size of your phone)
Cuba's golf revolution: But will the revolutionary nation take 'bourgeois' game to its heart?

Will revolutionary Cuba take 'bourgeois' golf to its heart?

Fidel Castro ridiculed the game – but now investment in leisure resort projects is welcome
Ed Richards: Parting view of Ofcom chief. . . we hate jokes on the disabled

Parting view of Ofcom chief. . . we hate jokes on the disabled

Bad language once got TV viewers irate, inciting calls to broadcasting switchboards. But now there is a worse offender, says retiring head of the media watchdog, Ed Richards
War with Isis: The West needs more than a White Knight

The West needs more than a White Knight

Despite billions spent on weapons, the US has not been able to counter Isis's gruesome tactics, says Patrick Cockburn
Return to Helmand: Private Davey Graham recalls the day he was shot by the Taliban

'The day I was shot by the Taliban'

Private Davey Graham was shot five times during an ambush in 2007 - it was the first, controversial photograph to show the dangers our soldiers faced in Helmand province
Revealed: the best and worst airlines for delays

Revealed: the best and worst airlines for delays

Many flyers are failing to claim compensation to which they are entitled, a new survey has found
The stories that defined 2014: From the Scottish independence referendum to the Ice Bucket Challenge, our writers voice their opinions

The stories that defined 2014

From the Scottish independence referendum to the Ice Bucket Challenge, our writers voice their opinions
Stoke-on-Trent becomes first British city to be classified as 'disaster resilient' by the United Nations

Disaster looming? Now you know where to head...

Which British city has become the first to be awarded special 'resilience' status by the UN?
Finally, a diet that works: Californian pastor's wildly popular Daniel Plan has seen his congregation greatly reduced

Finally, a diet that works

Californian pastor's wildly popular Daniel Plan has seen his congregation greatly reduced
Say it with... lyrics: The power of song was never greater, according to our internet searches

Say it with... lyrics

The power of song was never greater, according to our internet searches
Professor Danielle George: On a mission to bring back the art of 'thinkering'

The joys of 'thinkering'

Professor Danielle George on why we have to nurture tomorrow's scientists today
Monique Roffey: The author on father figures, the nation's narcissism and New Year reflections

Monique Roffey interview

The author on father figures, the nation's narcissism and New Year reflections
Introducing my anti-heroes of 2014

Introducing my anti-heroes of 2014

Their outrageousness and originality makes the world a bit more interesting, says Ellen E Jones