Rejoice! The days will get longer from now on

Everything is getting better, unless your other half has listened to the adverts and bought you some anti-wrinkle cream and a diet book

Share

If you have woken up this morning and feel a little bit jaded and worse for wear, do not fear, I bring good news! Because today is the day that the days start becoming longer and everything finally starts to get better. I bet you can practically feel it already.

Yesterday was the shortest and darkest day of the year in Britain, and also the day that all the shops held a "Panic Saturday" of pre-Christmas sales. If you found yourself at the shops yesterday, amid the kind of consumers whose theory of Christmas shopping is "wait till you see the whites of their eyes", bad luck. And relax: the worst is over now.

Unless, of course, you're one of those people whose theory of Christmas shopping is "wait till Christmas Eve and then panic buy everything in a petrol station", in which case bad luck your nearest and dearest. Or unless you're one of those people who keeps being polled in surveys which claim to show that we all hate our friends and families this Christmas. The latest one reveals that one in seven women would rather spend the festive season with their pets than their "loved ones", and that 12:56pm is the most stressful point of Christmas Day. Ladies, whoever you are, if you seriously hate cooking Christmas dinner that much then let someone else do it, or order a curry. And who are these "loved ones" that we all supposedly hate so much?

Anyway, from today on everything starts getting better, unless your other half has listened to the adverts and the bestseller charts and has bought you some anti-wrinkle cream and a diet book for Christmas, or that new bra that talks to you and tells you when you're about to overeat and to do some deep breathing exercises instead. (May the sweet baby Jesus preserve us.) These are the kind of "loved ones" we could all do without, but the good news is that there's still time for them to see reason and take those so-called gifts back to the shop. They could swap them for a bottle of gin, some loose-fitting trousers and a takeaway pizza, maybe. Point them in the direction of Kathleen Turner, who announced last week, "I don't look like I did 30 years ago. Get over it!"

Anyway, definitely once Christmas is over everything will start getting better, provided you can ignore the constant barrage in January of everyone telling you to get thinner and sort your life out. No animal in the known universe chooses the dark, cold winter months to sort its life out, not even hares or bears, who pop out of hibernation (we are led to believe) only to eat some Quality Street in their pyjamas. There's a reason for this: January is miserable enough without a cabbage soup diet. (Come to think of it, being on a cabbage soup diet could be the reason why your loved ones hate you.)

So, all in all, everything is getting better now that the winter solstice is over, it's obvious. Unless, that is, you're in Australia. But we don't feel sorry for you; you're warm.

twitter.com/@katyguest36912

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Senior Web Designer / Front End Developer

£28000 - £32000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This fast expanding web managem...

Ashdown Group: Trainee Consultant - Surrey / South West London

£22000 per annum + pension,bonus,career progression: Ashdown Group: An establi...

Ashdown Group: Trainee Consultant - Surrey/ South West London

£22000 per annum + pension,bonus,career progression: Ashdown Group: An establi...

Ashdown Group: Recruitment Consultant / Account Manager - Surrey / SW London

£40000 per annum + realistic targets: Ashdown Group: A thriving recruitment co...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

i Editor's Letter: Why it won’t be the i wot won it – our promise to you

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
A relative of dead Bangladeshi blogger Washiqur Rahman reacts after seeing his body at Dhaka Medical College in Dhaka on March 30,  

Atheists are being hacked to death in Bangladesh, and soon there will be none left

Rory Fenton
No postcode? No vote

Floating voters

How living on a houseboat meant I didn't officially 'exist'
Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin

By Reason of Insanity

Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin
Power dressing is back – but no shoulderpads!

Power dressing is back

But banish all thoughts of Eighties shoulderpads
Spanish stone-age cave paintings 'under threat' after being re-opened to the public

Spanish stone-age cave paintings in Altamira 'under threat'

Caves were re-opened to the public
'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'

Vince Cable interview

'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'
Election 2015: How many of the Government's coalition agreement promises have been kept?

Promises, promises

But how many coalition agreement pledges have been kept?
The Gaza fisherman who built his own reef - and was shot dead there by an Israeli gunboat

The death of a Gaza fisherman

He built his own reef, and was fatally shot there by an Israeli gunboat
Saudi Arabia's airstrikes in Yemen are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Saudi airstrikes are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Arab intervention in Yemen risks entrenching Sunni-Shia divide and handing a victory to Isis, says Patrick Cockburn
Zayn Malik's departure from One Direction shows the perils of fame in the age of social media

The only direction Zayn could go

We wince at the anguish of One Direction's fans, but Malik's departure shows the perils of fame in the age of social media
Young Magician of the Year 2015: Meet the schoolgirl from Newcastle who has her heart set on being the competition's first female winner

Spells like teen spirit

A 16-year-old from Newcastle has set her heart on being the first female to win Young Magician of the Year. Jonathan Owen meets her
Jonathan Anderson: If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

British designer Jonathan Anderson is putting his stamp on venerable house Loewe
Number plates scheme could provide a licence to offend in the land of the free

Licence to offend in the land of the free

Cash-strapped states have hit on a way of making money out of drivers that may be in collision with the First Amendment, says Rupert Cornwell
From farm to fork: Meet the Cornish fishermen, vegetable-growers and butchers causing a stir in London's top restaurants

From farm to fork in Cornwall

One man is bringing together Cornwall's most accomplished growers, fishermen and butchers with London's best chefs to put the finest, freshest produce on the plates of some of the country’s best restaurants
Robert Parker interview: The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes

Robert Parker interview

The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes
Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

We exaggerate regional traits and turn them into jokes - and those on the receiving end are in on it too, says DJ Taylor