Manchester United are up and away again. Out of the doldrums with a 4-0 home win over Norwich! And all because Ryan Giggs was appointed temporary manager after United fired poor David Moyes, who just wasn’t up to it. So say football-watchers. They hail the new leader who has brought the squad out of darkness. And will now take them up to football heaven. Wayne Rooney, who scored two of the goals, says: “Giggsy is built to be a manager. We can see that in how he has handled himself.”
Sorry, guys, don’t want to spoil the fun, but I can’t forget that this Giggsy, not that long ago, was notorious for his bedroom scores and a very complicated sex life. And for using his money in court to silence the media. In 2011, the MP John Hemming ignored a gagging order and, in Parliament, revealed Giggs’s extramarital affair with a woman called Imogen Thomas, a minor celeb on reality TV.
The footballer had, apparently, persuaded the judge that he might have to suffer “cruel chants” during matches if fans knew about his infidelity. And that his family life would suffer. But two women weren’t enough. For more than eight years, he also slept with his brother’s wife. That marriage ended and brother Rhodri was unforgiving.
Football has healed that wound. Bro now gives Ryan his support. Everyone is ecstatic. The world’s most famous team is lead by a real man – handsome, stubbly, who plays a beautiful game with women and on the pitch, calculates his moves. Perfect, perfectly sexist. The right man for the job.