So, tag is just a kids’ game, eh? Think again ...

We were too stunned. The painful sting of humiliation kept us awake that night

Share

It all started innocently enough. We were walking back to our car, having picked the kids up from school. The kids were playing a game of tag with another family with four daughters. “You’re it … no you’re it … no you’re it …” The eternal playground refrain was passed from kid to kid at a supersonic rate.

We are great friends with the parents, and chatted amicably as we walked. Then one of their kids tagged me. This wasn’t in the rules. I am a mildly competitive fellow and so I chased down their seven-year-old and tagged her. The next thing I knew, it was playground mayhem.

Their seven-year-old tagged my wife, who tagged the other mum, who tried to tag me as I frantically barricaded my kids in the car. I eventually screeched off having dislodged the other mum as she tried to wrench open my door. We roared home heady on the rush of victory. We left a gloating message on the other family’s mobile. You don’t mess with the Jolys, was the gist.

Once home we were still celebrating when the eldest daughter of the enemy burst into our kitchen. She tagged my daughter and legged it out of the house  to the waiting getaway vehicle. We were too stunned to react. The painful sting of humiliation kept us all awake that night and, the next morning, we held an emergency meeting and a plan of action was hatched. Ten minutes later and the whole  family was in the car and on the half-an-hour drive to the enemy’s imposing riverside home.

When we got there, we parked down the road and quietly entered through an unlocked side gate. We spotted the mother and a daughter vulnerable in the garden, and we pounced. My daughter and I cornered and tagged the girl before legging it back to the car. There was no sign of my wife and son – they had gone Awol. We drove back down the lane alongside the house looking for survivors. My son suddenly burst from a hiding place and made it into the car untagged. We sped off, still unsure whether my wife had made it. By now, our cruising had attracted the attention of some horsey neighbours.

They arrived just in time to see my wife clamber over a 9ft dry stone wall and crumple into a heap on the side of the lane before dragging herself to our car shouting: “Drive, drive ….”

We burned off, past the horsey couple, howling the family victory song. Once home we bolted the doors and windows and listened to the message our enemies had left. They were coming for us.

That was three days ago. We have not been outside since. A man came to deliver a package yesterday and we refused to let him in because we suspected some form of Trojan horsery. Our supplies are getting low and paranoia is setting in. “Sometimes, it’s better to be the hunter than the hunted,” said my son in an overly emotional manner. I told him to shut up and check the basement as there was a weird rattling coming from down there. I think this might have all gone a little too far.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Marketing & Sales Manager

£40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A reputable organisation within the leisure i...

Tradewind Recruitment: Science Teacher

£90 - £140 per day: Tradewind Recruitment: I am currently working in partnersh...

Recruitment Genius: Doctors - Dubai - High "Tax Free" Earnings

£96000 - £200000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Looking for a better earning p...

Recruitment Genius: PHP Developer

£32000 - £36000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A rapidly expanding company in ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
British Prime Minister Tony Blair (L) pictured shaking hands with Libyan leader Colonel Moamer Kadhafi on 25 March 2004.  

There's nothing wrong with Labour’s modernisers except how outdated they look

Mark Steel
 

Any chance the other parties will run their election campaigns without any deceit or nastiness?

Nigel Farage
Isis hostage crisis: The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power

Isis hostage crisis

The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power, says Robert Fisk
Missing salvage expert who found $50m of sunken treasure before disappearing, tracked down at last

The runaway buccaneers and the ship full of gold

Salvage expert Tommy Thompson found sunken treasure worth millions. Then he vanished... until now
Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Maverick artist Grayson Perry backs our campaign
Assisted Dying Bill: I want to be able to decide about my own death - I want to have control of my life

Assisted Dying Bill: 'I want control of my life'

This week the Assisted Dying Bill is debated in the Lords. Virginia Ironside, who has already made plans for her own self-deliverance, argues that it's time we allowed people a humane, compassionate death
Move over, kale - cabbage is the new rising star

Cabbage is king again

Sophie Morris banishes thoughts of soggy school dinners and turns over a new leaf
11 best winter skin treats

Give your moisturiser a helping hand: 11 best winter skin treats

Get an extra boost of nourishment from one of these hard-working products
Paul Scholes column: The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him

Paul Scholes column

The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him
Frank Warren column: No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans

Frank Warren's Ringside

No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans
Isis hostage crisis: Militant group stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

Isis stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

The jihadis are being squeezed militarily and economically, but there is no sign of an implosion, says Patrick Cockburn
Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action

Virtual reality: Seeing is believing

Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action
Homeless Veterans appeal: MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’

Homeless Veterans appeal

MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’ to help
Larry David, Steve Coogan and other comedians share stories of depression in new documentary

Comedians share stories of depression

The director of the new documentary, Kevin Pollak, tells Jessica Barrett how he got them to talk
Has The Archers lost the plot with it's spicy storylines?

Has The Archers lost the plot?

A growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent over the rural soap's spicy storylines; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried, says Simon Kelner
English Heritage adds 14 post-war office buildings to its protected lists

14 office buildings added to protected lists

Christopher Beanland explores the underrated appeal of these palaces of pen-pushing
Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Scientists unearthed the cranial fragments from Manot Cave in West Galilee