Tales from the Water Cooler: Yet another reason to prefer dogs

The only conclusion I can come to is that the cats are getting ready to take over

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I don’t want to get a reputation for being in any way alarmist – even though just a few weeks ago I issued a stern warning to i readers that the robots were poised to take over – but the fact that I have previous for doom-mongering shouldn’t take anything away from the impact of two chilling stories which have this week left me a little, well, on-edge.

First a family in Santiago, Chile comes down in the morning – sleepy of eye and full of cornflake expectation – only to find an actual, death-capable puma ripping their lovely kitchen a new serving hatch.

An isolated aberration? You might think so. But then a family in Muchalls in Aberdeenshire opened their garage door to find a random cat which, by virtue of it having been implanted with a tracking chip, was identified as belonging to someone in Fuerteventura in the Canary Islands.

Now, the fact that I am definitely a dog person should not colour your receipt of this news and, without wishing to upset anyone, the only conclusion I can come to is that the cats are getting ready to take over.

Furthermore, they seem to be planning their initial assault with a battalion of operatives which speak – or understand – Spanish.

Should we be worried? I think Attenborough knows something and it’s about time he spoke up.

Twitter: @DonaldAMacInnes

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