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Tales from the Watercooler: Go for customer satisfaction, Mick

The Stones have little to prove in terms of relevance

The Rolling Stones today drag their fragile, papier-mâché bones onto a Barclaycard-branded scaffold in London’s Hyde Park, where they will cough their way through some of their hit records from the inter-war years, just like they did at the same venue in 1969.

Of course, having headlined last weekend’s Glastonbury beat-fest, Mick, Keith, Charlie, Bob, Lefty and “The Thumb” have little to prove in terms of relevance, but I’m disappointed they won’t be repeating one legendary aspect of that long-ago performance, which happened two days after original guitarist, Brian Jones, had been found really most sincerely dead in his pool.

To mark that sad event, Mick Jagger read a poem by Shelley and opened a box of butterflies, hoping they’d flutter into the air and make everyone feel wistful. Sadly, many of the creatures had already gone the way of the recipient of their tribute, so fell dead onto the stage, where hard-partying guitarist Keith – dazzled by their brilliant whiteness – snorted 42 up his nose before he could be stopped.

Perhaps today, in the spirit of corporate synergy displayed by modern rock stars, a better gesture would see Mick, rather than whining his way through some awful romantic poetry, instead reading out the Terms and Conditions offered by Barclaycard to prospective customers. He can then open a box, releasing hundreds of little credit cards to flutter into the crowd. Being plastic, none of them will die during the show and, what’s more, a good many punters will discover some real financial “satisfaction”. Bonus!