Unsuitable Jobs for Wimmin

Female? Want to be a bishop? 'Fraid not...

Share

 

It’s great being a working woman
climbing the ladder all the way to the top.
Till I bumped my head on the glass
and went toppling off.
Thump! Ouch! Crash!

But like a bike or a horse
best get back on and aim onwards.
Though I took a year out to have a baby
my career progression
and salary
have had a little fluctuation
backwards.

Unsuitable jobs for wimmin.
They’re unsuitable jobs for wimmin.

So on I went
Googling through the internet
to find myself my dream career
(though I did also spend a few hours here or there
on Mumsnet.)

I saw a job advert for a Target Elimination Specialist.
I'd be like James Bond
instead of Miss Moneypenny
which did briefly interest me.
But I’ve seen Skyfall.
I know what happens to Dame Judi!

Unsuitable jobs for wimmin.
They’re unsuitable jobs for wimmin.

Then I saw a job for the C of E
‘Bishop vacancies!
Must like wearing robes, choirs
and drinking tea.
No Bishop agencies please’.

Well, I thought, I have an M & S dressing gown
I adored Gareth Malone
in The Choir.
I can’t start my day without a cup of Yorkshire Tea.
They will definitely hire
me.

So I sent off my CV
applying to be
a Bishop.
But the C of E Laity
(which I thought was an Italian coffee,
very milky)
said no.
Because I don’t have a winky.

Unsuitable jobs for wimmin.
They’re unsuitable jobs for wimmin.

This infuriated me.
Those sexist misogynist sods!
Though to be fair
I also don’t believe in God.

But I do believe in wimmin
and our right to choose
to be a Bishop.

Then I heard there was a job going at the BBC
so again I sent off my CV.
‘Hobbies & Interests: making fun of Downton Abbey’.
But I still didn’t get the job
of DG.
(But I forgive them
because my baby loves Cbeebies).

So I thought, if I can’t be
a Bishop of the C of E
or DG of the BBC
then I’d better apply to be
the Governor of the Bank of England
immediately. 

Such a great job.
My men in the office would have to call me ‘the Guv’
Instead of ‘Alright love?’
Their term of endearment
also used at the girls in Spearmint
Rhinos where the men had last year’s Xmas party.
(Sob.)

I didn’t even get an interview
but I was happy it went to Mariah Carey
American songbird.
Turned out I’d misheard.
The new Guv is Mark Carney.
Canadian.

Unsuitable jobs for wimmin.
They’re unsuitable jobs for wimmin.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Key Sales Account Manager - OTE £35,000

£25000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Have you got a proven track rec...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive - OTE £40,000

£15000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a great opportunity for...

Recruitment Genius: Senior Designer / Design Director

£38000 - £48000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This B2B content marketing agen...

Austen Lloyd: Law Costs HOD - Southampton

£50000 - £60000 per annum + Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: An outstanding new...

Day In a Page

Read Next
David Cameron visiting a primary school last year  

The only choice in schools is between the one you want and the ones you don’t

Jane Merrick
Zoë Ball says having her two children was the best thing ever to happen to her  

Start a family – you’ll never have to go out again

John Mullin
Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

Climate change key in Syrian conflict

And it will trigger more war in future
How I outwitted the Gestapo

How I outwitted the Gestapo

My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
The nation's favourite animal revealed

The nation's favourite animal revealed

Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
Is this the way to get young people to vote?

Getting young people to vote

From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot
Poldark star Heida Reed: 'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'

Poldark star Heida Reed

'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'
The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

Netanyahu knows he can get away with anything in America, says Robert Fisk
Families clubbing together to build their own affordable accommodation

Do It Yourself approach to securing a new house

Community land trusts marking a new trend for taking the initiative away from developers
Head of WWF UK: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

David Nussbaum: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

The head of WWF UK remains sanguine despite the Government’s failure to live up to its pledges on the environment
Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

Set in a mythologised 5th-century Britain, ‘The Buried Giant’ is a strange beast
With money, corruption and drugs, this monk fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’

Money, corruption and drugs

The monk who fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’
America's first slavery museum established at Django Unchained plantation - 150 years after slavery outlawed

150 years after it was outlawed...

... America's first slavery museum is established in Louisiana
Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

The first 'American Idol' winner on how she manages to remain her own woman – Jane Austen fascination and all
Tony Oursler on exploring our uneasy relationship with technology with his new show

You won't believe your eyes

Tony Oursler's new show explores our uneasy relationship with technology. He's one of a growing number of artists with that preoccupation
Ian Herbert: Peter Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

The England coach leaves players to find solutions - which makes you wonder where he adds value, says Ian Herbert
War with Isis: Fears that the looming battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

The battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

Aid agencies prepare for vast exodus following planned Iraqi offensive against the Isis-held city, reports Patrick Cockburn