Much has already been written about how Twitter went mental as Germany destroyed Brazil in the World Cup semi-finals. I'm now going to write a little bit more about it. From the moment the third goal was scored, people knew that something rather extraordinary was happening and wanted to both share the moment, and try to be funny about it.
I'd kicked off early with a tweet before the match about somewhere in deepest, darkest Brazil there being a little village full of elderly Nazis rooting furtively for the Fatherland. This theme was developed as the rout unfolded. Soon people were joking about every German in Brazil having to go into hiding and how this would not be the first time and so on. Meanwhile, Piers Morgan was being widely ridiculed after his tweet urging people to "never write off Brazil in Brazil. They will win …." Personally I was just thrilled that he wasn't urging Brazil to play Kevin Pietersen in the same way that, like a love-struck schoolboy, he daily bombards cricket's authorities.
By now, people with design skills had started to tweet doctored pictures of the statue of Christ the Redeemer taking off like a rocket or being replaced by a gurning Angela Merkel. At half-time the BBC showed a curious ad for EastEnders involving some of the cast faking incredible football skills. "Brazil should bring on Sharon for the second half," quipped Gary Lineker in the studio. The telly started showing close-ups of weeping Brazilian children and distraught beauties in the crowd. I urged British men to do their duty and "hug a Brazilian beauty" – only to get some typical Twitter grumblings from people in Yorkshire who complained that there weren't many Brazilians in their area, as though this was somehow my fault.
I have had a lot of tweets recently featuring supposed doppelgangers. First I was accused of being the excitable Mexican manager in disguise. On this night however, there was a widespread view that my "athletic" brother, the wonderfully named Julio Cesar, was playing in goal for Brazil. All I can say is that I am glad it was him and not me. To my delight, it appeared that Lily Allen and I were in sync as we both tweeted at the same time regarding David Luiz's extraordinary resemblance to Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons.
When Brazil managed to sneak in a last-minute goal a friend of mine tweeted his relief as "for a second there, I thought Brazil were going to be totally humiliated". And then the game was over and everybody put their phones and computers down after what had been a seriously tiring 90 minutes of online armchair action.
The eventual winner was not Germany but the gentleman who tweeted: "Most embarrassing semi since I went to see Brokeback Mountain with my dad". How on earth did we ever manage to watch major sporting events without Twitter, with only the family to bore and annoy? Thank God for progress.