Why aren't we celebrating Tony Blair's success as the UN's Middle East peace envoy?

I just can't understand why so many people want to tarnish his peaceful reputation

Share

It is with anguish bordering on physical pain that I must reveal a poisonous attempt to ruin an anniversary. On Friday, it will be seven years precisely since we rejoiced at the news that the Quartet (the UN, EU, US and Russia) had marked Mr Tony Blair’s departure from No 10 by making him its Middle Eastern peace envoy.

While you and I appreciate his transcendent success in that role, others continue to discern a satirical flavour to both the appointment and his subsequent work.

To this end, the team behind The Killing of Tony Blair, a film co-produced by George Galloway and due for release next year, are launching a campaign to get him fired.

They have placed a “Sack Blair” petition, aimed at UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, on change.org, and hope for 100,000 signatures within days.

A letter featuring signatures from across and beyond the political divide will shortly be sent to the Quartet requesting Blair’s eviction from his Jerusalem penthouse; two stellar names from the world of British comedy will soon be unveiled as supporters; and a video featuring Noam Chomsky and  the Telegraph commentator Peter Oborne is expected imminently.

On Friday, meanwhile, Galloway will be the tour guide as a red bus visits such relevant sights of historical importance to the Sack Blair Experience as parliament, the US and Israeli embassies, and, of course, the London HQ of JP Morgan.

This stubborn refusal to acknowledge Mr T’s avoidance of warmongering as he strives to cement the foundation stones of peace he helped to lay cannot meekly be tolerated.

So I will be hosting a rival Tony Blair: Man of Peace tour on Friday for those who find the sneering equally offensive. Due to high demand, plans to hire a red bus have been abandoned for a two-seater sports car.

Raise a glass to the Tories’ favourite EU minister

I am perplexed by continuing efforts, presumably on David Cameron’s behalf, to damage Jean-Claude Juncker’s candidacy for the European Commission presidency.

Right-leaning tabloids claimed over the weekend that the Luxembourger is a curmudgeonly heavy drinker and smoker who takes a drop of brandy for breakfast.

What’s wrong with any of that that? Sounds reassuringly Churchillian to me.

A lesson in Christian spirit from the Holy Mensch

Louise Mensch’s courage in sustaining her attacks on a deceased 24-year-old is matched only by her theological mastery.

Quoting Peaches Geldof’s remark, just before her death, that “I’m going to die like my mother, it’s preordained,” The Sun on Sunday sage addresses her directly to rebuke her once again for succumbing to heroin.

“No, Peaches,” writes Louise (who does she imagine she is? Doris Stokes?), “nothing is preordained.”

This is a remarkable declaration from a devout Catholic. Catholicism teaches that – free will or no free will – absolutely everything is preordained.

The Catholic Encyclopedia defines predestination as “the Divine decree by which God, owing to His infallible prescience of the future, has appointed and ordained from eternity all events occurring in time, especially those which directly proceed from free will”.

What the Holy See teaches about bullying the dead in print is less clear, but it’s hard to imagine Pope Francis being a huge fan of a vindictive exhibitionist whose best defence is her previous admission that her own appetite for Class A substances damaged her mind.

Will the message get through to Labour’s ex-postie?

With Ed Miliband’s approval rating now  2 per cent lower than ebola’s, the thoughts return to the front-bench truancy of Alan Johnson.

If his self-imposed exile seems increasingly absurd, as a retiring David Blunkett agrees, the chilled-out postie’s explanation for resigning as shadow chancellor early in 2011 is even more so. 

According to an acquaintance, Johnners says he quit because he thought people were laughing at him for being cuckolded by a copper. This is pure paranoia. There was no hint of any sniggering, and the only emotion anyone felt for Johnners was sympathy.

If the guy is too brittle for the brutal demands of leadership, so be it. If not – he hinted at a change of heart on the ambition front recently –  there is still time, just, to present Little Ed with the Glenlivet and trusty Luger and orchestrate the Johnson coronation.

READ MORE:
Someone should tell Lady Gaga that porno-chic is out
Don't blame foreign players for England's demise at the World Cup
When will Britain admit to its alcohol problem?

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Senior Digital Marketing Consultant

£28000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Senior Digital Marketing Cons...

Recruitment Genius: Assistant Stores Keeper

£16640 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An Assistant Stores Keeper is r...

Recruitment Genius: Claims Administrator

£16000 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an excellent opportunit...

Recruitment Genius: Software Developer - C# / ASP.NET / SQL

£17000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Developer required to join a bu...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Mosul falls: Talk of Iraq retaking the town, held by IS since June, is unconvincing  

Isis on the run? The US portrayal is very far from the truth

Patrick Cockburn
Ed Miliband:  

Ed Miliband: I pledge to make Britain a more just and equal country

Ed Miliband
'It was first time I had ever tasted chocolate. I kept a piece, and when Amsterdam was liberated, I gave it to the first Allied soldier I saw'

Bread from heaven

Dutch survivors thank RAF for World War II drop that saved millions
Britain will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power - Labour

How 'the Axe' helped Labour

UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power
Rare and exclusive video shows the horrific price paid by activists for challenging the rule of jihadist extremists in Syria

The price to be paid for challenging the rule of extremists

A revolution now 'consuming its own children'
Welcome to the world of Megagames

Welcome to the world of Megagames

300 players take part in Watch the Skies! board game in London
'Nymphomaniac' actress reveals what it was really like to star in one of the most explicit films ever

Charlotte Gainsbourg on 'Nymphomaniac'

Starring in one of the most explicit films ever
Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers

Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi

The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers
Vince Cable interview: Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'

Vince Cable exclusive interview

Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'
Iwan Rheon interview: Game of Thrones star returns to his Welsh roots to record debut album

Iwan Rheon is returning to his Welsh roots

Rheon is best known for his role as the Bastard of Bolton. It's gruelling playing a sadistic torturer, he tells Craig McLean, but it hasn't stopped him recording an album of Welsh psychedelia
Russell Brand's interview with Ed Miliband has got everyone talking about The Trews

Everyone is talking about The Trews

Russell Brand's 'true news' videos attract millions of viewers. But today's 'Milibrand' interview introduced his resolutely amateurish style to a whole new crowd
Morne Hardenberg interview: Cameraman for BBC's upcoming show Shark on filming the ocean's most dangerous predator

It's time for my close-up

Meet the man who films great whites for a living
Increasing numbers of homeless people in America keep their mobile phones on the streets

Homeless people keep mobile phones

A homeless person with a smartphone is a common sight in the US. And that's creating a network where the 'hobo' community can share information - and fight stigma - like never before
'Queer saint' Peter Watson left his mark on British culture by bankrolling artworld giants

'Queer saint' who bankrolled artworld giants

British culture owes a huge debt to Peter Watson, says Michael Prodger
Pushkin Prizes: Unusual exchange programme aims to bring countries together through culture

Pushkin Prizes brings countries together

Ten Scottish schoolchildren and their Russian peers attended a creative writing workshop in the Highlands this week
14 best kids' hoodies

14 best kids' hoodies

Don't get caught out by that wind on the beach. Zip them up in a lightweight top to see them through summer to autumn
Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The acceptable face of the Emirates

The acceptable face of the Emirates

Has Abu Dhabi found a way to blend petrodollars with principles, asks Robert Fisk