Why aren't we celebrating Tony Blair's success as the UN's Middle East peace envoy?

I just can't understand why so many people want to tarnish his peaceful reputation

Share

It is with anguish bordering on physical pain that I must reveal a poisonous attempt to ruin an anniversary. On Friday, it will be seven years precisely since we rejoiced at the news that the Quartet (the UN, EU, US and Russia) had marked Mr Tony Blair’s departure from No 10 by making him its Middle Eastern peace envoy.

While you and I appreciate his transcendent success in that role, others continue to discern a satirical flavour to both the appointment and his subsequent work.

To this end, the team behind The Killing of Tony Blair, a film co-produced by George Galloway and due for release next year, are launching a campaign to get him fired.

They have placed a “Sack Blair” petition, aimed at UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, on change.org, and hope for 100,000 signatures within days.

A letter featuring signatures from across and beyond the political divide will shortly be sent to the Quartet requesting Blair’s eviction from his Jerusalem penthouse; two stellar names from the world of British comedy will soon be unveiled as supporters; and a video featuring Noam Chomsky and  the Telegraph commentator Peter Oborne is expected imminently.

On Friday, meanwhile, Galloway will be the tour guide as a red bus visits such relevant sights of historical importance to the Sack Blair Experience as parliament, the US and Israeli embassies, and, of course, the London HQ of JP Morgan.

This stubborn refusal to acknowledge Mr T’s avoidance of warmongering as he strives to cement the foundation stones of peace he helped to lay cannot meekly be tolerated.

So I will be hosting a rival Tony Blair: Man of Peace tour on Friday for those who find the sneering equally offensive. Due to high demand, plans to hire a red bus have been abandoned for a two-seater sports car.

Raise a glass to the Tories’ favourite EU minister

I am perplexed by continuing efforts, presumably on David Cameron’s behalf, to damage Jean-Claude Juncker’s candidacy for the European Commission presidency.

Right-leaning tabloids claimed over the weekend that the Luxembourger is a curmudgeonly heavy drinker and smoker who takes a drop of brandy for breakfast.

What’s wrong with any of that that? Sounds reassuringly Churchillian to me.

A lesson in Christian spirit from the Holy Mensch

Louise Mensch’s courage in sustaining her attacks on a deceased 24-year-old is matched only by her theological mastery.

Quoting Peaches Geldof’s remark, just before her death, that “I’m going to die like my mother, it’s preordained,” The Sun on Sunday sage addresses her directly to rebuke her once again for succumbing to heroin.

“No, Peaches,” writes Louise (who does she imagine she is? Doris Stokes?), “nothing is preordained.”

This is a remarkable declaration from a devout Catholic. Catholicism teaches that – free will or no free will – absolutely everything is preordained.

The Catholic Encyclopedia defines predestination as “the Divine decree by which God, owing to His infallible prescience of the future, has appointed and ordained from eternity all events occurring in time, especially those which directly proceed from free will”.

What the Holy See teaches about bullying the dead in print is less clear, but it’s hard to imagine Pope Francis being a huge fan of a vindictive exhibitionist whose best defence is her previous admission that her own appetite for Class A substances damaged her mind.

Will the message get through to Labour’s ex-postie?

With Ed Miliband’s approval rating now  2 per cent lower than ebola’s, the thoughts return to the front-bench truancy of Alan Johnson.

If his self-imposed exile seems increasingly absurd, as a retiring David Blunkett agrees, the chilled-out postie’s explanation for resigning as shadow chancellor early in 2011 is even more so. 

According to an acquaintance, Johnners says he quit because he thought people were laughing at him for being cuckolded by a copper. This is pure paranoia. There was no hint of any sniggering, and the only emotion anyone felt for Johnners was sympathy.

If the guy is too brittle for the brutal demands of leadership, so be it. If not – he hinted at a change of heart on the ambition front recently –  there is still time, just, to present Little Ed with the Glenlivet and trusty Luger and orchestrate the Johnson coronation.

READ MORE:
Someone should tell Lady Gaga that porno-chic is out
Don't blame foreign players for England's demise at the World Cup
When will Britain admit to its alcohol problem?

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Principal Arboricultural Consultant

£35000 Per Annum: The Green Recruitment Company: Job Title: Principal Arboricu...

Trainee Digital Forensic Analyst

£17000 - £18000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Trainee Digital Fo...

Planning Manager (Training, Learning and Development) - London

£35000 - £38000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: A highly successful, glob...

Asset Finance Solicitor

Highly Competitive Salary: Austen Lloyd: CITY - ASSET FINANCE - An outstanding...

Day In a Page

Read Next
James Foley's murder by Isis has shocked the West  

Today Isis is attacking the Middle East. Tomorrow it’ll be the West

James Bloodworth
Ferguson: In the heartlands of America, a descent into madness

A descent into madness in America's heartlands

David Usborne arrived in Ferguson, Missouri to be greeted by a scene more redolent of Gaza and Afghanistan
BBC’s filming of raid at Sir Cliff’s home ‘may be result of corruption’

BBC faces corruption allegation over its Sir Cliff police raid coverage

Reporter’s relationship with police under scrutiny as DG is summoned by MPs to explain extensive live broadcast of swoop on singer’s home
Lauded therapist Harley Mille still in limbo as battle to stay in Britain drags on

Lauded therapist still in limbo as battle to stay in Britain drags on

Australian Harley Miller is as frustrated by court delays as she is with the idiosyncrasies of immigration law
Lewis Fry Richardson's weather forecasts changed the world. But could his predictions of war do the same?

Lewis Fry Richardson's weather forecasts changed the world...

But could his predictions of war do the same?
Kate Bush asks fans not to take photos at her London gigs: 'I want to have contact with the audience, not iPhones'

'I want to have contact with the audience, not iPhones'

Kate Bush asks fans not to take photos at her London gigs
Under-35s have rated gardening in their top five favourite leisure activities, but why?

Young at hort

Under-35s have rated gardening in their top five favourite leisure activities. But why are so many people are swapping sweaty clubs for leafy shrubs?
Tim Vine, winner of the Funniest Joke of the Fringe award: 'making a quip as funny as possible is an art'

Beyond a joke

Tim Vine, winner of the Funniest Joke of the Fringe award, has nigh-on 200 in his act. So how are they conceived?
The late Peter O'Toole shines in 'Katherine of Alexandria' despite illness

The late Peter O'Toole shines in 'Katherine of Alexandria' despite illness

Sadly though, the Lawrence of Arabia star is not around to lend his own critique
Wicken Fen in Cambridgeshire: The joy of camping in a wetland nature reserve and sleeping under the stars

A wild night out

Wicken Fen in Cambridgeshire offers a rare chance to camp in a wetland nature reserve
Comic Sans for Cancer exhibition: It’s the font that’s openly ridiculed for its jaunty style, but figures of fun have their fans

Comic Sans for Cancer exhibition

It’s the font that’s openly ridiculed for its jaunty style, but figures of fun have their fans
Besiktas vs Arsenal: Five things we learnt from the Champions League first-leg tie

Besiktas vs Arsenal

Five things we learnt from the Champions League first-leg tie
Rory McIlroy a smash hit on the US talk show circuit

Rory McIlroy a smash hit on the US talk show circuit

As the Northern Irishman prepares for the Barclays, he finds time to appear on TV in the States, where he’s now such a global superstar that he needs no introduction
Boy racer Max Verstappen stays relaxed over step up to Formula One

Boy racer Max Verstappen stays relaxed over step up to F1

The 16-year-old will become the sport’s youngest-ever driver when he makes his debut for Toro Rosso next season
Fear brings the enemies of Isis together at last

Fear brings the enemies of Isis together at last

But belated attempts to unite will be to no avail if the Sunni caliphate remains strong in Syria, says Patrick Cockburn
Charlie Gilmour: 'I wondered if I would end up killing myself in jail'

Charlie Gilmour: 'I wondered if I'd end up killing myself in jail'

Following last week's report on prison suicides, the former inmate asks how much progress we have made in the 50 years since the abolition of capital punishment