Beliebers could not Belieb it!
That scrawny pop-ferret Justin Dweeber left his young fans waiting 49 minutes before finally prancing out on stage, opening his mouth and sicking out his back-catalogue of vapid pop-nonsense.
By then it was too late. Many of his little followers had been forced to leave the Oh..2 Late, so as not to miss the last train home.
Imagine them, clutching their Bieber-dolls and Bieber-mugs and Bieber-training bras, weeping into their Justin-juice cartons and bawling: Mummy! I thought Justin cared about me! How could he leave me waiting there all that time? It’s…it’s almost as though he’s nothing more than a cynical, hollow, corporate, bleached, blanched, buffed, varnished, money-making marionette with a record deal rather than a soul who is sucking money, dreams, latent-sexuality, dignity, individuality and innocence out of me with every auto-tuned lisp.
It must be a terribly brittle moment for any parent to see their daughters cling to such transparent music industry manipulation like iron filings to a magnet. It is a frightening thought that human enthusiasm can be manipulated with such ease. Pop music has been around long enough now, for the record companies to know exactly how to pull our strings with cheap and easy pop-porridge. Emili Sandé. With children it feels a little more poisonous, especially when fans are seemingly treated with such disdain as at last night’s concert.
The long and much-booed delay has been blamed on technical issues. We couldn’t expect Justin to whip out his miniature screwdriver and fix the problem, but wouldn’t a true star insist on going out on stage and entertaining his many fans with impromptu a cappella songs? That’s what Cliff Richard would have done. Even Britney Spears would have dashed out and demolished a speaker with an umbrella. Madonna would have flashed a moob. Tom Jones would have sprayed his head green and walked around like a massive singing broccoli. But Bieber? Not a girlish squeak.
This afternoon, he Bietweeted: "There is no excuse and I apologise for anyone we upset. However it was great show and I'm proud of that…I never have any intent to upset or let anyone down. And I'm not okay with things being exaggerated…” An interesting and somewhat petulant standpoint, from a performer whose talent has been exaggerated ever since he first infested the music scene in 2009, to the excitement of girls and paedophiles the world over.
Perhaps Justin’s apparent disregard for his fans at last night’s performance might make some of his Beliebers stop beliebing. At the very least it might make parents think twice before shelling out silly amounts of money on tickets in the first place, just so their daughters can wear their latest inappropriately miniscule Jack Wills shorts to another celebration of vapidity. This is the truth, you see. It is hopeless directing one’s ire at the concert promoters or Bieber-puppeteers. The true villains of this piece are the idiots who paid for the tickets in the first place.
It’s reported that once Bieber finally scampered onto the stage, he was booed between every song. If only that were true. In fact, it was the sound of ten thousand parents, lowing like cattle in dumb unison as their credit cards were milked dry. Will the Justin Bieber gravy train roll on regardless of this debacle? You’d better Belieb it!