Alice-Azania Jarvis: What's this polling booth doing here?

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The Independent Online

So did you, didn't you? Vote, obvs. Mindful of the hour-long queue at last year's general election, I arrived to find the wind whistling through a deserted polling station at 9am yesterday. As the tumbleweed began drifting past, I was joined by two other people who were promptly given their ballot papers and instructed to vote Yes or No. A few moments passed, punctuated by much mumbling from the couple. And then: "Sorry, love, what is it we're voting for?"

* To America, now, where we take up the case of the shortest-lived crime caper in history (yes, boys and girls, this man is the veritable anti-Osama bin Laden). The Associated Press reports that in Onondaga County, New York, an unnamed man has been arrested after dialling 911 whilst in the process of committing a crime. The unfortunate soul was driving a car full of stolen material, discussing a future heist, and calling the police all at the same time. Lesson One: It would appear that men can, after all, multitask. Lesson Two: lock your phone.

* Vanity Fair has responded to the news of Bin Laden's death by printing a report that, in the wake of September 11, Michael Jackson, Marlon Brando and Elizabeth Taylor fled New York City by car, fearful that they might be the target of future hostilities. The threesome, unencumbered by entourage or assistance, proceeded to stop at every outlet of KFC and Burger King until they reached Ohio. "Why not McDonald's?" you cry. It is indeed a pressing issue.

* Finally, can we all take a moment to congratulate Philip Treacy? The milliner created the lion's share of hats walking up the red carpet to last week's royal wedding. Yes, including Princess Beatrice's. And now he's given an interview. A fabulous one. "My inspiration was beauty and elegance," he says, preposterously (if you've seen the hat). "I wanted them to look gorgeous and beautiful. Gorgeous and beautiful can be open to interpretation. I thought they looked gorgeous and beautiful. But no one is crying if anyone didn't." Indeed, they're not. Quite the opposite – not least in the case of the designer himself. A quick visit to the Harrods website, and you can purchase a Treacy "Gondola Hat". For £2,000.