Alison Taylor on relationships: Should you let one text ruin everything?

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The Independent Online

If I could work out how much time I'd spent agonising over texts sent in the past few years, I'd probably have to reassess my life goals. It's scary the way you can do your head in over something as daft as a text.

This is the thing about texting – or WhatsApping, or whatever. You put it out there but you can't guarantee what will come back. And you certainly can't guarantee your text will be taken in the spirit with which it was sent.

Having being on a couple of dates with a guy and reached the chit-chat texting stage, a friend of mine texted him saying, "CILLA BLACK IS DEAD". Then, nothing. He vanished. She later asked me: "Did the Cilla text scare him off?" When I'd stopped laughing it did seem perplexing. All she was doing was delivering the news, albeit in capitals. Most people reacted to Cilla's death. But not him? Or did he think my friend was strange for liking Cilla Black? Or flippant for delivering the news with no "Isn't it awful?". All these questions have swirled around her head. "I just wish these weren't the last words I said to him," she said.

It's like when a guy once told me he wasn't free on a night I'd asked him out for a beer and I replied with, "F*ck you then!" It was a joke but I can see that it might have seemed a little aggressive, with him not yet knowing my sense of humour. As my mum said: "Not everyone thinks your jokes are as funny as you do".

My favourite messaging story of late concerns another friend, who after telling a Tinder date she was in the bath with a candle received the reply, "I hope you burn and drown". Now I'm a fan of the risqué text but even I wouldn't have pressed send on that. Still, respect to him for giving it a go. I think if she'd liked him enough she would have let him have that (somewhat disturbing) joke. My boyfriend got over my f*ck you text.

@lovefoolforever

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