Catherine Townsend: Sleeping Around

'Tis the season for binge-dating

Share

All I want for Christmas is to get through the party season without a repeat of last year's catastrophe. It all started when my then-boyfriend gave me a pair of red-and-white crotchless knickers meant to be paired with a Santa hat. This was creepy, not sexy.

We got into a fight, which ended with him saying that he "needed some time apart". So my girlfriend Victoria and I hit an office party, where I loudly declared that I could "drink everyone under the table". Two hours, one margarita contest and a session on the mechanical bull later, I pulled a mild-mannered yet very hot banker named John.

The next thing I knew, we were back at his flat ripping each other's' clothes off. The sex was frantic and fantastic, until the next morning when I woke up feeling like I needed to stick my head into an ice bucket. I could feel my stomach churning when he stepped into the shower, and was reduced to vomiting into his tea towels and frantically throwing them out the window. Not exactly my finest hour.

So this party season, I've tried to be a good girl. I vowed to stick to a three-drink maximum, not make out with any random guys and avoid karaoke bars at all costs. In the past week, I'm delighted to report that I've broken every rule - and it's been fantastic. Instead of just binge-drinking, I've been binge-kissing.

In fact, my week has been so productive that I keep waking up with mens' business cards lining my wallet. And, because I'm still raw from a recent split, I've been taking numbers rather than taking their owners straight home.

On Tuesday, I was moping in my pyjamas when my flatmate dragged me out to a west London nightclub, and we started chatting to a blond Canadian. He offered to walk us home, and when I complained about the lack of late-night food delivery options in London, he called his flatmate, a 6ft 5in sexy fellow-Canadian who cooked us penne. We stayed up talking and eating until 2am, and Mr Pasta e-mailed me the following day.

The next night I went to a nightclub and met a gorgeous personal trainer. We got into a very heated discussion about porn, and shared a laugh at the men in suits attempting to break-dance. Then, moments after an "accidental" wine spill required him to pull his shirt up to reveal a rippled washboard stomach, he asked if he could call me. I was on a roll.

I spent Friday night at a house party, where, under the mistletoe, I locked lips with a Scottish guy whose name I can't recall. This was probably a good thing, since he got into a fight and was chucked out 10 minutes later. Instead I called Mr Pasta, who showed up with a friend and shared a taxi home with me. We kissed for a full 10 minutes outside my door, and drunkenly pawed each other in my lobby.

On Saturday, I went alone to the Ireland Fund's winter ball, surrounded by so many eligible men in tuxedos I felt like I was watching March of the Penguins. I took a deep breath and walked straight up to three guys - and ended up dancing with one of them to Human League cover songs. He took my number, and I kissed him on the cheek.

I may have been more naughty than nice this season, but I'm also realising the wisdom of Oscar Wilde, who said that to fall in love with oneself is the beginning of a lifelong love affair. After all this foreplay, I may even have to take advantage of myself.

c.townsend@independent.co.uk

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Junior Web Designer - Client Liaison

£6 per hour: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity to join a gro...

Recruitment Genius: Service Delivery Manager

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: A Service Delivery Manager is required to join...

Recruitment Genius: Massage Therapist / Sports Therapist

£12000 - £24000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A opportunity has arisen for a ...

Ashdown Group: Practice Accountant - Bournemouth - £38,000

£32000 - £38000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A successful accountancy practice in...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Riyadh is setting itself up as region’s policeman

Lina Khatib
Ed Miliband and David Cameron  

Cameron and Miliband should have faith in their bolder policies

Ian Birrell
No postcode? No vote

Floating voters

How living on a houseboat meant I didn't officially 'exist'
Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin

By Reason of Insanity

Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin
Power dressing is back – but no shoulderpads!

Power dressing is back

But banish all thoughts of Eighties shoulderpads
Spanish stone-age cave paintings 'under threat' after being re-opened to the public

Spanish stone-age cave paintings in Altamira 'under threat'

Caves were re-opened to the public
'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'

Vince Cable interview

'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'
Election 2015: How many of the Government's coalition agreement promises have been kept?

Promises, promises

But how many coalition agreement pledges have been kept?
The Gaza fisherman who built his own reef - and was shot dead there by an Israeli gunboat

The death of a Gaza fisherman

He built his own reef, and was fatally shot there by an Israeli gunboat
Saudi Arabia's airstrikes in Yemen are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Saudi airstrikes are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Arab intervention in Yemen risks entrenching Sunni-Shia divide and handing a victory to Isis, says Patrick Cockburn
Zayn Malik's departure from One Direction shows the perils of fame in the age of social media

The only direction Zayn could go

We wince at the anguish of One Direction's fans, but Malik's departure shows the perils of fame in the age of social media
Young Magician of the Year 2015: Meet the schoolgirl from Newcastle who has her heart set on being the competition's first female winner

Spells like teen spirit

A 16-year-old from Newcastle has set her heart on being the first female to win Young Magician of the Year. Jonathan Owen meets her
Jonathan Anderson: If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

British designer Jonathan Anderson is putting his stamp on venerable house Loewe
Number plates scheme could provide a licence to offend in the land of the free

Licence to offend in the land of the free

Cash-strapped states have hit on a way of making money out of drivers that may be in collision with the First Amendment, says Rupert Cornwell
From farm to fork: Meet the Cornish fishermen, vegetable-growers and butchers causing a stir in London's top restaurants

From farm to fork in Cornwall

One man is bringing together Cornwall's most accomplished growers, fishermen and butchers with London's best chefs to put the finest, freshest produce on the plates of some of the country’s best restaurants
Robert Parker interview: The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes

Robert Parker interview

The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes
Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

We exaggerate regional traits and turn them into jokes - and those on the receiving end are in on it too, says DJ Taylor