Charles Nevin: Did I mention that the world is ending?

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The Independent Online

Happy Monday. And we have a splendid week in prospect. The highlight will be tomorrow in Blackpool when Alan Shearer unveils a waxwork of himself at Madame Tussauds. Usually, it's quite easy to distinguish the dummy from the animated reality, but I have a feeling this will be a different ball game. Elsewhere, today marks the 187th birthday of Levi Morton, the only American vice-president to die on his birthday, and the 54th anniversary of the death of Eliot Ness of the Untouchables. Morton, who was also Ambassador to France, drove the first rivet into the Statue of Liberty. "The name's Ness; my friends call me 'Happy'," was, sadly, an invention of Barry Cryer for Russ Abbot.

Tomatoes, I see, are the most Googled British fruit and veg, barrowloads ahead of any other. No one seems quite sure why. I have some ideas: 1. Watch out, Nick Clegg.2. Signwriters checking where to put the apostrophe. 3. People who don't realise "Go Google Tomato" is a modish request to desist or depart. 4. Quizgoers checking the tomato: fruit or veg question. 5. No, go Google tomato yourself. Other news: strawberries early, apples and pears fine, plums crushed.

Actually, I think Cleggy might be over the worst. Time for a news cycle bile refocus. But, please, do remember that Heather Mills has hurt herself skiing, and today is a sad one for poor John Prescott as it's the tenth anniversary of that chap with the mullet hurling an egg at him. My top new obloquy object tips: Chris Huhne, Blue, Ell, Ed Miliband's nose, Niki and some others I could name, on Twitter. Elsewhere around the agenda, I expect Max Mosley's bottom to fade while Pippa Middleton's obviously has legs.

But you will be wanting your weekly inspiration from the wise, great and good intimately connected with today. So here's some telling advice from the First Earl of Hardwicke to his son, the Second Earl, who died on this date in 1790, aged 70: Drink wine with warm water and keep your sheets well aired. Oh, and I almost forgot, the world will end on Saturday, according to an 89-year-old Californian, Harold Camping. Happy Monday.