Charles Nevin: Mr Osborne would make a fine statue

Start the week...

Share
Related Topics

Happy Monday. Have you come far? I mention it because today, 606 years and 235 years ago respectively, both the great Chinese admiral, Zheng He, and the heroic British navigator, Captain James Cook, set out on epic journeys of world discovery. By a remarkable coincidence, this is also the very day Waterloo Station opened 163 years ago. Items of lost property handed in there over the years have included a human brain, a jar of bull's sperm, a stuffed eagle, a grandfather clock, a canoe, a deep fat fryer and a kitchen sink, but not a double bed. That was on the Northern Line. Ah, the excitement of travel!



Worrying news, though, for the traveller approaching London from Europe: there are doubts about the erection of the celebratory 50m-high giant white horse near Ebbsfleet: unbridled costs, apparently (£12m). There must be more affordable ways of symbolising Britain. How about: 1. A giant tea towel, featuring that happy young royal couple and a view of Windsor Castle. 2. An appropriately modest statue of the Chancellor of the Exchequer, stripped to his waistcoat, with rolled shirtsleeves, neckerchief and pick, bearing the legend, "We Are All In This Together!" 3. A pickled banker. 4. An Agincourt longbowman holding up, in legendary fashion, two fingers. 5. The Arch of the Unknown Health And Safety Officer, topped with bronze banana skin.



To get you up to speed for the coming week, here is my exclusive round-up of recent research: 1. Norwegians are eating more fish. 2. Children get bored during the holidays. 3. Eight out of ten bears prefer the woods. 4. Unauthorised access to mobile phone messages can cause trouble. 5. In general, according to Korean researchers, the lower the ratio of the lengths of the index and ring fingers on a man's right hand, the longer his penis.



Finally, inspiring quotes from two of the week's leading anniversarialists. First, Whistler (born yesterday, 1834), on being told there were "only two painters in the world, yourself and Velázquez": "Why drag Velázquez into it?"; and Mrs Emmeline Pankhurst, the great suffragette (born Friday, 1858): "Trust in God. She will provide". Happy Monday.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Maths Teacher

£110 - £200 per day: Randstad Education Leeds: Secondary Maths Teacher for spe...

Business Analyst - Surrey - Permanent - Up to £50k DOE

£40000 - £50000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...

***ASP.NET Developer - Cheshire - £35k - Permanent***

£30000 - £35000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...

***Solutions Architect*** - Brighton - £40k - Permanent

£35000 - £40000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Taking on Ukip requires a delicate balancing act for both main parties

Andrew Grice
Today is a bigger Shabbes than usual in the Jewish world because it has been chosen to launch the Shabbos Project  

Shabbes exerts a pull on all Jews, and today is bigger than ever

Howard Jacobson
Wilko Johnson, now the bad news: musician splits with manager after police investigate assault claims

Wilko Johnson, now the bad news

Former Dr Feelgood splits with manager after police investigate assault claims
Mark Udall: The Democrat Senator with a fight on his hands ahead of the US midterm elections

Mark Udall: The Democrat Senator with a fight on his hands

The Senator for Colorado is for gay rights, for abortion rights – and in the Republicans’ sights as they threaten to take control of the Senate next month
New discoveries show more contact between far-flung prehistoric humans than had been thought

New discoveries show more contact between far-flung prehistoric humans than had been thought

Evidence found of contact between Easter Islanders and South America
Cerys Matthews reveals how her uncle taped 150 interviews for a biography of Dylan Thomas

Cerys Matthews on Dylan Thomas

The singer reveals how her uncle taped 150 interviews for a biography of the famous Welsh poet
DIY is not fun and we've finally realised this as a nation

Homebase closures: 'DIY is not fun'

Homebase has announced the closure of one in four of its stores. Nick Harding, who never did know his awl from his elbow, is glad to see the back of DIY
The Battle of the Five Armies: Air New Zealand releases new Hobbit-inspired in-flight video

Air New Zealand's wizard in-flight video

The airline has released a new Hobbit-inspired clip dubbed "The most epic safety video ever made"
Pumpkin spice is the flavour of the month - but can you stomach the sweetness?

Pumpkin spice is the flavour of the month

The combination of cinnamon, clove, nutmeg (and no actual pumpkin), now flavours everything from lattes to cream cheese in the US
11 best sonic skincare brushes

11 best sonic skincare brushes

Forget the flannel - take skincare to the next level by using your favourite cleanser with a sonic facial brush
Paul Scholes column: I'm not worried about Manchester United's defence - Chelsea test can be the making of Phil Jones and Marcos Rojo

Paul Scholes column

I'm not worried about Manchester United's defence - Chelsea test can be the making of Jones and Rojo
Frank Warren: Boxing has its problems but in all my time I've never seen a crooked fight

Frank Warren: Boxing has its problems but in all my time I've never seen a crooked fight

While other sports are stalked by corruption, we are an easy target for the critics
Jamie Roberts exclusive interview: 'I'm a man of my word – I'll stay in Paris'

Jamie Roberts: 'I'm a man of my word – I'll stay in Paris'

Wales centre says he’s not coming home but is looking to establish himself at Racing Métro
How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?

A crime that reveals London's dark heart

How could three tourists have been battered within an inch of their lives by a burglar in a plush London hotel?
Meet 'Porridge' and 'Vampire': Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker

Lost in translation: Western monikers

Chinese state TV is offering advice for citizens picking a Western moniker. Simon Usborne, who met a 'Porridge' and a 'Vampire' while in China, can see the problem
Handy hacks that make life easier: New book reveals how to rid your inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone

Handy hacks that make life easier

New book reveals how to rid your email inbox of spam, protect your passwords and amplify your iPhone with a loo-roll
KidZania lets children try their hands at being a firefighter, doctor or factory worker for the day

KidZania: It's a small world

The new 'educational entertainment experience' in London's Shepherd's Bush will allow children to try out the jobs that are usually undertaken by adults, including firefighter, doctor or factory worker