Charles Nevin: My advice is to dress accordion-ly

Start the Week: You will have read about the German insurance company organising an orgy for its salesmen

Share
Related Topics

Happy Monday. Do you live in London? Good luck: Barack O'Bama, the Chelsea Flower Show and Ed Miliband's wedding. I recommend walking. And, should you encounter a busker with an accordion, do smile encouragingly, as today is the 182nd anniversary of that splendid instrument, which was invented by an Armenian living in Austria, even if it is sometimes known as the English Concertina. My favourite player, always excepting Rolf Harris, naturally, was Cherry, a grandmother who used to perform in Blackpool with nothing on. She also played the xylophone, but found the accordion the most challenging, as you could give yourself quite a nasty nip if you weren't careful.



You will have read about the German insurance company organising an orgy for its salesmen. Here in Kensington, obviously, the company prefers rather more imaginative activities. Over the years, we've had the Circle line relay race, Imaginary Paintballing, Five-a-Side Philosophy, and Fun Picnics featuring Hunt the Executive with the Sandwiches and Where is the Corkscrew Buried? I've thoroughly enjoyed all of them, apart from that unfortunate incident involving the Crossword and Fashion departments at the Gregorian Chant Karaoke Night.



Danish sperm donors, I note, are becoming increasingly popular with British women; to assuage worries about the excessive import of stereotypical Scandinavian seriousness, here is my favourite joke from Denmark: two men are lost in the Sahara. One of them is wearing skis. The other chap asks him why, and he replies: "In case it snows". There. And don't forget that Lars von Trier, either. Or Sandi Toksvig.



Should you be a liberally minded motorist with Energy interests suddenly looking for a fresh opportunity, might I suggest Venezuela? There, a driver has just lost his licence for speeding, which is the first time such a thing has ever happened. Mind you, Ramon Parra, 41, did have one of his six wheels propped up inside the bus at the time. Up the Amazon, meanwhile, the Amondawa tribe are said by investigating anthropologists to lack a concept of time. Not something, I suspect, that will survive too much contact with anthropologists. Happy Monday.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Payroll Officer - Part Time

£12047 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Part Time Payroll Officer required for t...

Recruitment Genius: Event Management and Marketing Admin Support

£16000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an opportunity to join ...

Recruitment Genius: Evening Administrator

£8 per hour: Recruitment Genius: This Pension Specialist was established early...

Recruitment Genius: Lettings Negotiator

£20000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Central London based firm loo...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

If I were Prime Minister: I'd champion the young and hold a cabinet meeting on top of Ben Nevis

Bear Grylls
 

i Editor's Letter: The five reasons why I vote

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
War with Isis: Iraq's government fights to win back Tikrit from militants - but then what?

Baghdad fights to win back Tikrit from Isis – but then what?

Patrick Cockburn reports from Kirkuk on a conflict which sectarianism has made intractable
Living with Alzheimer's: What is it really like to be diagnosed with early-onset dementia?

What is it like to live with Alzheimer's?

Depicting early-onset Alzheimer's, the film 'Still Alice' had a profound effect on Joy Watson, who lives with the illness. She tells Kate Hilpern how she's coped with the diagnosis
The Internet of Things: Meet the British salesman who gave real-world items a virtual life

Setting in motion the Internet of Things

British salesman Kevin Ashton gave real-world items a virtual life
Election 2015: Latest polling reveals Tories and Labour on course to win the same number of seats - with the SNP holding the balance of power

Election 2015: A dead heat between Mr Bean and Dick Dastardly!

Lord Ashcroft reveals latest polling – and which character voters associate with each leader
Audiences queue up for 'true stories told live' as cult competition The Moth goes global

Cult competition The Moth goes global

The non-profit 'slam storytelling' competition was founded in 1997 by the novelist George Dawes Green and has seen Malcolm Gladwell, Salman Rushdie and Molly Ringwald all take their turn at the mic
Pakistani women come out fighting: A hard-hitting play focuses on female Muslim boxers

Pakistani women come out fighting

Hard-hitting new play 'No Guts, No Heart, No Glory' focuses on female Muslim boxers
Leonora Carrington transcended her stolid background to become an avant garde star

Surreal deal: Leonora Carrington

The artist transcended her stolid background to become an avant garde star
LGBT History Month: Pupils discuss topics from Sappho to same-sex marriage

Education: LGBT History Month

Pupils have been discussing topics from Sappho to same-sex marriage
11 best gel eyeliners

Go bold this season: 11 best gel eyeliners

Use an ink pot eyeliner to go bold on the eyes with this season's feline flicked winged liner
Cricket World Cup 2015: Tournament runs riot to make the event more hit than miss...

Cricket World Cup runs riot to make the event more hit than miss...

The tournament has reached its halfway mark and scores of 300 and amazing catches abound. One thing never changes, though – everyone loves beating England
Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Heptathlete ready to jump at first major title

Katarina Johnson-Thompson: Ready to jump at first major title

After her 2014 was ruined by injury, 21-year-old Briton is leading pentathlete going into this week’s European Indoors. Now she intends to turn form into gold
Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

Climate change key in Syrian conflict

And it will trigger more war in future
How I outwitted the Gestapo

How I outwitted the Gestapo

My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
The nation's favourite animal revealed

The nation's favourite animal revealed

Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
Is this the way to get young people to vote?

Getting young people to vote

From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot