Charles Nevin: My advice is to dress accordion-ly

Start the Week: You will have read about the German insurance company organising an orgy for its salesmen

Share
Related Topics

Happy Monday. Do you live in London? Good luck: Barack O'Bama, the Chelsea Flower Show and Ed Miliband's wedding. I recommend walking. And, should you encounter a busker with an accordion, do smile encouragingly, as today is the 182nd anniversary of that splendid instrument, which was invented by an Armenian living in Austria, even if it is sometimes known as the English Concertina. My favourite player, always excepting Rolf Harris, naturally, was Cherry, a grandmother who used to perform in Blackpool with nothing on. She also played the xylophone, but found the accordion the most challenging, as you could give yourself quite a nasty nip if you weren't careful.



You will have read about the German insurance company organising an orgy for its salesmen. Here in Kensington, obviously, the company prefers rather more imaginative activities. Over the years, we've had the Circle line relay race, Imaginary Paintballing, Five-a-Side Philosophy, and Fun Picnics featuring Hunt the Executive with the Sandwiches and Where is the Corkscrew Buried? I've thoroughly enjoyed all of them, apart from that unfortunate incident involving the Crossword and Fashion departments at the Gregorian Chant Karaoke Night.



Danish sperm donors, I note, are becoming increasingly popular with British women; to assuage worries about the excessive import of stereotypical Scandinavian seriousness, here is my favourite joke from Denmark: two men are lost in the Sahara. One of them is wearing skis. The other chap asks him why, and he replies: "In case it snows". There. And don't forget that Lars von Trier, either. Or Sandi Toksvig.



Should you be a liberally minded motorist with Energy interests suddenly looking for a fresh opportunity, might I suggest Venezuela? There, a driver has just lost his licence for speeding, which is the first time such a thing has ever happened. Mind you, Ramon Parra, 41, did have one of his six wheels propped up inside the bus at the time. Up the Amazon, meanwhile, the Amondawa tribe are said by investigating anthropologists to lack a concept of time. Not something, I suspect, that will survive too much contact with anthropologists. Happy Monday.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Marketing Manager - Leicestershire - £35,000

£30000 - £35000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager (CIM, B2B, MS Offi...

Marketing Executive (B2B and B2C) - Rugby, Warwickshire

£22000 - £25000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A highly successful organisation wit...

SEN Coordinator + Teacher (SENCO)

£1 per day: Randstad Education Leeds: Job Purpose To work closely with the he...

Research Manager - Quantitative/Qualitative

£32000 - £42000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client is curr...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Piper Ryan Randall leads a pro-Scottish independence rally in the suburbs of Edinburgh  

i Editor's Letter: Britain survives, but change is afoot

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
Some believe that David Cameron is to blame for allowing Alex Salmond a referendum  

Scottish referendum: So how about the English now being given a chance to split from England?

Mark Steel
Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

Scrambled eggs and LSD

Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

New leading ladies of dance fight back

How female vocalists are now writing their own hits
Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
How to make a Lego masterpiece

How to make a Lego masterpiece

Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam