Charles Nevin: What we can all learn from Lord Cardigan

Start the week: Thousands of children are being given Cameron as a first name. No, really
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The Independent Online

Happy Monday. And today, as we spring into another great working week, there's special inspiration: the 143rd anniversary of the death of Lord Cardigan, leader of the Charge of the Light Brigade. Forward! Some of you may prefer the relaxing pleasures associated with His Lordship's eponymous knitwear: if so, you must be among the half of British workers who, according to research, take a lunch break. Now do come on; this isn't giving Mr Osborne the backing he wants. Yes, yes, here we know all about the dizzying fatigue that creeps in around 4.30 pm: that's why we have a quick game of musical chairs to the barbershop company song by the Obituaries department before the drum beat starts again. Happy days! His Lordship died after falling off his horse, by the way.

* Thousands of children are being given Cameron as a first name. No, really: 26,401 in the last decade. Besides the naked attempt to curry favour, this reflects a trend of choosing last names as first. You'll have your own favourites, but of Mr Cameron's colleagues, I like the ring of Pickles and Fox, but remain unsure on May, Maude, Herbert and Alexander.

Michael Green, the Lucasian professor of Maths at Cambridge, no less, thinks our maths and science teaching is "tedious". Well, I watch television and there seems a pretty simple solution: teachers should play loud music, breaking off regularly to stare up out of the window with an awed enigmatic smile; if that fails, call in Jamie Oliver.

You will have read about Blackberry Thumb, caused by too much hand-held action. But look out too for: 1 Nintendo Toes – crushed in crazed artificially stimulated rush (see also Apple Turnover); 2 Diesel Eye, caused by constant scrutiny of LED display for any sign of price drop; 3 Lib Dem Nose led by; 4 Pig's Ear – see Metropolitan Police, investigations, various; 5 Banker's Prostate – result of taking too much piss; 6 Middleton's Prostrate (see 8); 7 Clarkonapsia – dreamlike, confused state. See also Coalition Arselbow; 8 Billimia – brought on by excessive royal wedding coverage; 9 Capello's Foot in Mouth – incurable, apparently; 10 Mondaze.