Nevin's Notes (14/04/10)

An alternative take on the election

Share
Related Topics

* Is it me, or is nostalgia now the main theme of this campaign? Labour's slogan might be "A Future Fair For All", but it is accompanied by a picture of a family clearly from the Fifties. David Cameron's "We're All In This Together" cries out for those celebrated riders, "Don't panic!" from
Dad's Army's Corporal Jones, and "Doomed!" from Private Fraser. UKIP's "Sod The Lot" has a similar feel, which is perhaps not surprising from a party whose leader has ringingly declared: "If the Germans turn nasty to get their way in Europe, we'll do it again, we'll beat them. I don't see any difficulty with it, as long as we retain our nuclear deterrent". Crikey. But then Lord Pearson is an interesting chap: he can stalk, kill and gralloch a deer by himself and in 1977 God appeared to him during a varicose vein operation. I doubt even Vince Cable can match that.



* Stars! I'm not sure that Alan Johnson, the only kaftan-wearing, keyboard-playing member of Sixties band The In-Betweens to become a postman and Home Secretary, should be making enemies of one of our most forward-looking faith groups. But read this: "Looking at Cameron is like reading a horoscope – at first glance it tells you want you want to see but when you delve deeper it's all superficial." Well, naturally I turned to Mystic Meg (did you know she's from Accrington?) to discover the outlook for Alan. It cost me £9.95. Hmmm. Not entirely encouraging, I fear. Alan: have you still got that kaftan?

* Soap! There was talk of John Major and his soapbox making a dramatic return in this election. And this, let me tell you, is a man who appreciates drama: to make one important announcement during his time in office, for example, he changed from his grey suit into another grey suit. But what is this? Jack Straw, owner of the second-most famous soap box in British politics, has been in Reading with it, refreshments being handed up to him by candidates during the course of a speech described by one onlooker as "interminable". Come on, Sir John, you can easily beat that! (And no, I haven't forgotten my promise to tell you about Jack and the ice-cream van before 6 May).



* Stars (2)! Hold everything, more faith group news – from the Jedi Knights! I had asked them if they were going to endorse any of the parties, no small matter considering that, according to the 2001 census, there are 390,000 in this country, making Jediism our fourth-largest religion. The reply is from Master Zemba, of the Order of the Jedi, replies: "There is no official position regarding the election in our organisation". Which means, sadly, that in May the force will be with no one in particular.



* Canvas opportunity. An occasional service for anyone worried about being at a loose end on 7 May: Halford's is advertising for a sleeping bag tester at £600 a week. The tester will have to sleep under canvas for five days, testing a range of bags for warmth and strength. Former MPs may worry that they do not have the credentials for the job, what with their second homes, but a spokesman for Halfords says: "Previous camping experience would be a bonus but we're not ruling out a novice." More as I have them.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Ashdown Group: Helpdesk Analyst

£25000 per annum: Ashdown Group: An established media firm based in Surrey is ...

Ashdown Group: Java Developer - Hertfordshire - £47,000 + bonus + benefits

£40000 - £470000 per annum + bonus: Ashdown Group: Java Developer / J2EE Devel...

Ashdown Group: Head of Finance - Financial Director - London - £70,000

£70000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Head of Finance - Financial Controller - Fina...

Recruitment Genius: Business Development Executive - Nationwide - OTE £65,000

£30000 - £65000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This small technology business ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Ice skating in George Square, Glasgow  

How many Christmas cards have you sent this year?

Simon Kelner
 

Al-Sweady Inquiry: An exercise in greed that blights the lives of brave soldiers

Richard Kemp
Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton: The power dynamics of the two first families

Jeb Bush vs Hillary Clinton

Karen Tumulty explores the power dynamics of the two first families
Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley with a hotbed of technology start-ups

Stockholm is rivalling Silicon Valley

The Swedish capital is home to two of the most popular video games in the world, as well as thousands of technology start-ups worth hundreds of millions of pounds – and it's all happened since 2009
Did Japanese workers really get their symbols mixed up and display Santa on a crucifix?

Crucified Santa: Urban myth refuses to die

The story goes that Japanese store workers created a life-size effigy of a smiling "Father Kurisumasu" attached to a facsimile of Our Lord's final instrument of torture
Jennifer Saunders and Kate Moss join David Walliams on set for TV adaptation of The Boy in the Dress

The Boy in the Dress: On set with the stars

Walliams' story about a boy who goes to school in a dress will be shown this Christmas
La Famille Bélier is being touted as this year's Amelie - so why are many in the deaf community outraged by it?

Deaf community outraged by La Famille Bélier

The new film tells the story of a deaf-mute farming family and is being touted as this year's Amelie
10 best high-end laptops

10 best high-end laptops

From lightweight and zippy devices to gaming beasts, we test the latest in top-spec portable computers
Michael Carberry: ‘After such a tough time, I’m not sure I will stay in the game’

Michael Carberry: ‘After such a tough time, I’m not sure I will stay in the game’

The batsman has grown disillusioned after England’s Ashes debacle and allegations linking him to the Pietersen affair
Susie Wolff: A driving force in battle for equality behind the wheel

Susie Wolff: A driving force in battle for equality behind the wheel

The Williams driver has had plenty of doubters, but hopes she will be judged by her ability in the cockpit
Adam Gemili interview: 'No abs Adam' plans to muscle in on Usain Bolt's turf

'No abs Adam' plans to muscle in on Usain Bolt's turf

After a year touched by tragedy, Adam Gemili wants to become the sixth Briton to run a sub-10sec 100m
Calls for a military mental health 'quality mark'

Homeless Veterans campaign

Expert calls for military mental health 'quality mark'
Racton Man: Analysis shows famous skeleton was a 6ft Bronze Age superman

Meet Racton Man

Analysis shows famous skeleton was a 6ft Bronze Age superman
Garden Bridge: St Paul’s adds to £175m project’s troubled waters

Garden Bridge

St Paul’s adds to £175m project’s troubled waters
Stuff your own Christmas mouse ornament: An evening class in taxidermy with a festive feel

Stuff your own Christmas mouse ornament

An evening class in taxidermy with a festive feel
Joint Enterprise: The legal doctrine which critics say has caused hundreds of miscarriages of justice

Joint Enterprise

The legal doctrine which critics say has caused hundreds of miscarriages of justice
Freud and Eros: Love, Lust and Longing at the Freud Museum: Objects of Desire

Freud and Eros

Love, Lust and Longing at the Freud Museum