Charlotte Philby's Parental Leave: "IT'S THE WRONG AIRPORT," my husband notes on the eve of our trip

A mother's weekly dispatch from the pre-school frontline

Share

We've been to Spain for the weekend. I know, aren't we the lucky ones? Indeed we are, although marginally less lucky than we might have been had I not booked the flights so that we land at the wrong airport.

"IT'S THE WRONG AIRPORT," my husband notes at midnight on the eve of our trip, while clutching his forehead with two palms like a very cross baboon.

"What does that even mean?" I retort with a casual shrug indicating, a) I am much more emotionally liberated than he is – less a captive to rigid concepts such as time and distance to which he is misguidedly shackled and, b) I'm a bit confused about where we're going.

While desperately concentrating on not accidentally booking Grenada, the Caribbean, rather than Granada, southern Spain (although now I'm obviously thinking, bloody hell, I wish we were going to Grenada) it turns out this was not the right potential pitfall to be watching out for.

For Granada, the one in Spain, is not always Granada; sometimes it's also Malaga. And when it's supposed to be Malaga-Granada but you book Granada-Granada, the difference in actual terms means very little apart from the journey being three times more expensive and involving four cars, two trains and four airplanes – a total of nine hours' travel in each direction, for two days' holiday. And still you're nowhere near the Caribbean.

But at least we've got two very small, loud children to keep us company. "In Despicable Me, the lady falls out of the airplane window and she doesn't get any lunch," the three-year-old announces three hours into our journey, while lobbing herself repeatedly against the chair in front.

"That's nice dear, if you're quiet for the next 20 minutes I'll buy you something," I reply before being swept by a wave of guilt. It's not her fault I'm an idiot, I concede. "I'm sorry," I say. "I love you, please talk as much as you like. I love it when you talk."

Without tearing her eyes away from her pencil sharpener, she says: "Mummy, why do sometimes on planes the wings fall off and then they crash together and then you die?"

@philbycharlotte

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Office Administrator

£14000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An Office Administrator is requ...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive - Commercial Vehicles - OTE £40,000

£12000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Due to expansion and growth of ...

Ashdown Group: Senior PHP Developer - Sheffield - £50,000

£40000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Senior PHP Developer position with a...

Recruitment Genius: Operations Leader - Plasma Processing

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: An Operations Leader is required to join a lea...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

i Editor's Letter: Most powerful woman in British politics

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
All the major parties are under pressure from sceptical voters to spell out their tax and spending plans  

Yet again, the economy is the battleground on which the election will be fought

Patrick Diamond
Revealed: Why Mohammed Emwazi chose the 'safe option' of fighting for Isis, rather than following his friends to al-Shabaab in Somalia

Why Mohammed Emwazi chose Isis

His friends were betrayed and killed by al-Shabaab
'The solution can never be to impassively watch on while desperate people drown'
An open letter to David Cameron: Building fortress Europe has had deadly results

Open letter to David Cameron

Building the walls of fortress Europe has had deadly results
Tory candidates' tweets not as 'spontaneous' as they seem - you don't say!

You don't say!

Tory candidates' election tweets not as 'spontaneous' as they appear
Mubi: Netflix for people who want to stop just watching trash

So what is Mubi?

Netflix for people who want to stop just watching trash all the time
The impossible job: how to follow Kevin Spacey?

The hardest job in theatre?

How to follow Kevin Spacey
Armenian genocide: To continue to deny the truth of this mass human cruelty is close to a criminal lie

Armenian genocide and the 'good Turks'

To continue to deny the truth of this mass human cruelty is close to a criminal lie
Lou Reed: The truth about the singer's upbringing beyond the biographers' and memoirists' myths

'Lou needed care, but what he got was ECT'

The truth about the singer's upbringing beyond
Migrant boat disaster: This human tragedy has been brewing for four years and EU states can't say they were not warned

This human tragedy has been brewing for years

EU states can't say they were not warned
Women's sportswear: From tackling a marathon to a jog in the park, the right kit can help

Women's sportswear

From tackling a marathon to a jog in the park, the right kit can help
Hillary Clinton's outfits will be as important as her policies in her presidential bid

Clinton's clothes

Like it or not, her outfits will be as important as her policies
NHS struggling to monitor the safety and efficacy of its services outsourced to private providers

Who's monitoring the outsourced NHS services?

A report finds that private firms are not being properly assessed for their quality of care
Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

The Tory MP said he did not want to stand again unless his party's manifesto ruled out a third runway. But he's doing so. Watch this space
How do Greek voters feel about Syriza's backtracking on its anti-austerity pledge?

How do Greeks feel about Syriza?

Five voters from different backgrounds tell us what they expect from Syriza's charismatic leader Alexis Tsipras
From Iraq to Libya and Syria: The wars that come back to haunt us

The wars that come back to haunt us

David Cameron should not escape blame for his role in conflicts that are still raging, argues Patrick Cockburn
Sam Baker and Lauren Laverne: Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

A new website is trying to declutter the internet to help busy women. Holly Williams meets the founders