Christina Patterson: It's not isolation in old age that worries me

We may be lonely, miserable and scavenging in skips, but we won't be bored – because we'll be working

Related Topics

The other day, when I got home from work, I tried to put a bottle of pinot grigio in the washing machine. Well, it made a nice change to the time I tried to put my book in the fridge. And, indeed, the time I left the keys to my new car hanging out of the boot. I am, it seems, to quote the Jamaican poet, Lorna Goodison, "becoming my mother".

In Stockholm, we spent hours with the police, filling out forms about the theft, at the hotel breakfast buffet, of my mother's wad of Swedish kroner. Which we later found in her suitcase. Last time it happened, she didn't call the police. From the window of the train she had got on at Clandon, she just watched the navy handbag on the station platform fade into the distance. This being Surrey, she got it back.

For the most part, however, my mother's mind is still in relatively fine fettle. It's her body that's the problem: the dodgy heart and high blood pressure and glaucoma and cataracts and sore hip and sore heels. Meals are accompanied by big piles of pills. Old age, as my great aunt used to say, is not for sissies.

If my mother and her friends are battling the body's decline on a daily basis, and fuelling the profits of the pharmaceutical industry (over 60s, according to new figures, are racking up at least 42 prescription items each a year), then at least they're doing it in quite nice houses with quite nice pensions. My mother's life is an exhausting round of reading groups, coffee parties and lunches. Sometimes, like Greta Garbo,she says she just wants to be "left alone".

And then there's us. Her wonderful offspring. We may have disgraced the family name by failing to produce little Pattersons for her to pet, cuddle and display on the mantelpiece but we do, at least, visit her – even take her on the odd mini-break, the odd little holiday. We are rewarded with a mother's love and, sometimes, cheques. The half of my father's index-linked civil service pension that she received when he died is enough to pay for lunches, and bribes. It may even be enough to pay for gas.

The inconvenient truth, however, is that I am not becoming my mother. While our minds and bodies might be set on a similar trajectory, our finances are not. I am not married to a civil servant – or, indeed, anyone. By the time I have paid for the final-salary pensions of the police, the fire service, local government and the NHS and the (unsplit) mortgage and the (unsplit) utilities, there's not much left for a bag of Doritos, let alone for the bank vault of gold bullion otherwise known as a pension. According to my annual statements from Norwich Union, my (to me) gargantuan payments will get me a monthly Mars Bar and, perhaps, a Twix.

And in failing to produce the grandchildren my mother yearned for, I have, it seems, made sure that I will indeed be "left alone". If my mother's parturition got her lunches and mini-breaks in her old age, my friends' mothers (some a little older, some a little more infirm and some, sadly, now two sandwiches short of a pensioners' picnic) got them very much more. Not just grandchildren, but regular visits, shopping, taxi services to hospital appointments and, occasionally, granny flats with nursing care attached. My friends – mostly working mothers in their 40s – are exhausted. But blood is thicker than water – particularly for a daughter.

There is, however, one silver lining in the cloud hovering over the soon-to-be-silver-haired. We may be lonely, miserable, and scavenging in skips for the crumbs from the young man's table, but we will not be bored. We won't be bored because we'll be working. The answer to the question posed by the Beatles all those years ago – will you still need me, will you still feed me – is respectively yes and no. Yes, we (the young) need you to pay our pensions. And no, we won't feed you just yet. Sixty-four? A mere stripling! According to Lord Turner, the Government's pensions supremo, we'll soon need to work until we're 70. And that, of course, is not for a nice, index-linked pension, but for the stately sum of £90.70 a week.

Quite who is going to employ us remains, at this stage, vague. Human beings over 60 are rarely regarded as the hottest of properties in the employment market place – or, in our youth-obsessed culture, anywhere else. In the brave, new world of the eternal "portfolio career", working lives that started with a flourish are more than likely to end behind a till.

"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple," wrote Jenny Joseph in her anthem for defiant old age, "Warning". "And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves/ and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter." When I first read it, I thought it was funny. Now, I'm beginning to think that wearing purple might be one of the few pleasures we can afford.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: SAGE Bookkeeper & PA to Directors

£18000 - £24000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An exciting opportunity has ari...

Recruitment Genius: Online Sales and Customer Services Executive

£15000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An On-line Sales & Customer Ser...

Recruitment Genius: Accounts Assistant - Fixed Term Contract - 6 Months

£15000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: One of the largest hospitality companies...

Recruitment Genius: Electricians - Fixed Wire Testing

£28000 - £32000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: As a result of significant cont...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Neo-Nazis march in London  

I'm taking my Jewish kids to a vile neo-Nazi rally in London this weekend because I want them to learn about free speech

Richard Ferrer
A police officer carries a casualty to safety  

Tunisia attack proves that we cannot stop terrorists carrying out operations against Britons in Muslim countries

Robert Verkaik
Seifeddine Rezgui: What motivated a shy student to kill 38 holidaymakers in Tunisia?

Making of a killer

What motivated a shy student to kill 38 holidaymakers in Tunisia?
UK Heatwave: Temperatures on the tube are going to exceed the legal limit for transporting cattle

Just when you thought your commute couldn't get any worse...

Heatwave will see temperatures on the Tube exceed legal limit for transporting cattle
Exclusive - The Real Stories of Migrant Britain: Swapping Bucharest for London

The Real Stories of Migrant Britain

Meet the man who swapped Romania for the UK in a bid to provide for his family, only to discover that the home he left behind wasn't quite what it seemed
Cheaper energy on the way, but it's not all sunshine and rainbows

Cheaper energy on the way, but it's not all sunshine and rainbows

Solar power will help bring down electricity prices over the next five years, according to a new report. But it’s cheap imports of ‘dirty power’ that will lower them the most
Katy Perry prevented from buying California convent for $14.5m after nuns sell to local businesswoman instead

No grace of God for Katy Perry as sisters act to stop her buying convent

Archdiocese sues nuns who turned down star’s $14.5m because they don’t approve of her
Ajmer: The ancient Indian metropolis chosen to be a 'smart city' where residents would just be happy to have power and running water

Residents just want water and power in a city chosen to be a ‘smart’ metropolis

The Indian Government has launched an ambitious plan to transform 100 of its crumbling cities
Michael Fassbender in 'Macbeth': The Scottish play on film, from Welles to Cheggers

Something wicked?

Films of Macbeth don’t always end well - just ask Orson Welles... and Keith Chegwin
10 best sun creams for body

10 best sun creams for body

Make sure you’re protected from head to toe in the heatwave
Wimbledon 2015: Nick Bollettieri - Milos Raonic has ability to get to the top but he must learn to handle pressure in big games

Nick Bollettieri's Wimbledon files

Milos Raonic has ability to get to the top but he must learn to handle pressure in big games
Women's World Cup 2015: How England's semi-final success could do wonders for both sexes

There is more than a shiny trophy to be won by England’s World Cup women

The success of the decidedly non-famous females wearing the Three Lions could do wonders for a ‘man’s game’ riddled with cynicism and greed
How to stop an asteroid hitting Earth: Would people co-operate to face down a global peril?

How to stop an asteroid hitting Earth

Would people cooperate to face a global peril?
Just one day to find €1.6bn: Greece edges nearer euro exit

One day to find €1.6bn

Greece is edging inexorably towards an exit from the euro
New 'Iron Man' augmented reality technology could help surgeons and firefighters, say scientists

'Iron Man' augmented reality technology could become reality

Holographic projections would provide extra information on objects in a person's visual field in real time
Sugary drinks 'are killing 184,000 adults around the world every year'

Sugary drinks are killing 184,000 adults around the world every year

The drinks that should be eliminated from people's diets
Pride of Place: Historians map out untold LGBT histories of locations throughout UK

Historians map out untold LGBT histories

Public are being asked to help improve the map