Deborah Ross: At long last! A new body part to hate

If you ask me...

Related Topics

If you ask me, and as a treat for all women who feel there are moments in the day when they are just not hating their bodies enough – I know someone who sat through an entire film the other week without fretting about her body once, can you believe – I would like to introduce you to the "ninkle", as identified by Emily Sheffield, Deputy Editor of British Vogue.

"Ninkles are not to be confused with cankles (fat ankles where calf and ankle become one)," she writes. "Ninkles are wrinkles on our knees and they are the beginning of the end of the short skirt." This is exciting news particularly if, like me, you feared you might one day run out of new body parts to police and also feared that, one day, people would stop instructing you as to what you should and should not wear. Thank you, Emily!

As it happens, I do not know Ms Sheffield personally but, if I did, I would shake her by the hand or, if her wrists and hands had fattened and merged in a way that was deemed unsightly, by the "wrand". I certainly hope I would be polite enough not to add "it's knees, love, not nees" and: "Where did you get your education?" (Marlborough, apparently, but I think they are only taught not to faint at the prices in the Brora catalogue, and order one in every colour before giving them to the dog to sleep on.)

So, having feared I might have to like myself for a while (imagine!), and could actually get on with other things (fancy!), I am glad for the ninkle and the cankle and even the wrankle which isn't, in fact, slated to be named and shamed until the summer of 2013 but is, I can exclusively reveal, the wrinkled cankle, and with such a devastating combo you may have to sign a form saying you will never leave your house again. (FYI: the fat ninkle – the finkle – is due to come out around Christmas, if you want to clear space in your diary.) And I can now, of course, also look forward to the advent of a specialised "ninkle cream" which is handy, as some days I fear running out of useless nonsense to waste my hard-earned money on.

So thanks, Emily, for giving us a new body part to hate, and the new expensive lotions to purchase, and to all those who find they have cankles and ninkles and wrankles and finkles? Your best bet is to jump off a cliff, preferably while wearing trousers. There was no easy way of saying it.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

KS1 Teacher

£21500 - £31500 per day: Randstad Education Chelmsford: Would you like to work...

Java Developer - web services, XML and API

£330 - £350 Per Day: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client based in Lond...

Maths Teacher

Negotiable: Randstad Education Reading: Maths Teacher required to teach Furthe...

Primary teachers required for schools in Norwich

£21000 - £35000 per annum: Randstad Education Cambridge: Primary teachers requ...

Day In a Page

Read Next

Cyclists v the rest of the world – can we please call a truce?

Philip Hoare
Brooks Newmark  

If Brooks Newmark is ‘sick’ what does that say about the rest of us?

Simon Kelner
Isis is an hour from Baghdad, the Iraq army has little chance against it, and air strikes won't help

Isis an hour away from Baghdad -

and with no sign of Iraq army being able to make a successful counter-attack
Turner Prize 2014 is frustratingly timid

Turner Prize 2014 is frustratingly timid

The exhibition nods to rich and potentially brilliant ideas, but steps back
Last chance to see: Half the world’s animals have disappeared over the last 40 years

Last chance to see...

The Earth’s animal wildlife population has halved in 40 years
So here's why teenagers are always grumpy - and it's not what you think

Truth behind teens' grumpiness

Early school hours mess with their biological clocks
Why can no one stop hackers putting celebrities' private photos online?

Hacked photos: the third wave

Why can no one stop hackers putting celebrities' private photos online?
Royal Ballet star dubbed 'Charlize Theron in pointe shoes' takes on Manon

Homegrown ballerina is on the rise

Royal Ballet star Melissa Hamilton is about to tackle the role of Manon
Education, eduction, education? Our growing fascination with what really goes on in school

Education, education, education

TV documentaries filmed in classrooms are now a genre in their own right
It’s reasonable to negotiate with the likes of Isis, so why don’t we do it and save lives?

It’s perfectly reasonable to negotiate with villains like Isis

So why don’t we do it and save some lives?
This man just ran a marathon in under 2 hours 3 minutes. Is a 2-hour race in sight?

Is a sub-2-hour race now within sight?

Dennis Kimetto breaks marathon record
We shall not be moved, say Stratford's single parents fighting eviction

Inside the E15 'occupation'

We shall not be moved, say Stratford single parents
Air strikes alone will fail to stop Isis

Air strikes alone will fail to stop Isis

Talks between all touched by the crisis in Syria and Iraq can achieve as much as the Tornadoes, says Patrick Cockburn
Nadhim Zahawi: From a refugee on welfare to the heart of No 10

Nadhim Zahawi: From a refugee on welfare to the heart of No 10

The Tory MP speaks for the first time about the devastating effect of his father's bankruptcy
Witches: A history of misogyny

Witches: A history of misogyny

The sexist abuse that haunts modern life is nothing new: women have been 'trolled' in art for 500 years
Shona Rhimes interview: Meet the most powerful woman in US television

Meet the most powerful woman in US television

Writer and producer of shows like Grey's Anatomy, Shonda Rhimes now has her own evening of primetime TV – but she’s taking it in her stride
'Before They Pass Away': Endangered communities photographed 'like Kate Moss'

Endangered communities photographed 'like Kate Moss'

Jimmy Nelson travelled the world to photograph 35 threatened tribes in an unashamedly glamorous style