Deborah Ross: Helpful tips if you want to avoid spring-cleaning the house

If you ask me: This special issue comes with a cover-mount of 16 dead batteries to keep in a drawer for the next 23 years

Share

If you ask me, this month's issue of Not-OK! Magazine – my publication for women who would be into self-improvement, if only they could self-improve enough to give it a go – focuses on spring cleaning, as well as housekeeping generally, and is an absolute must-buy for anyone who has thought to themselves: as a woman's work is never done, why even get started? And: nature abhors a vacuum, which has to be sensible, as so do I.

This special issue, which comes with a cover-mount of 16 dead batteries to keep in a drawer for the next 23 years, as well as six urgent letters you'll never get round to posting, contains the following features: How To Ignore A Dustball The Size of Your Head (It's Easy When You Know How!) and Odd Socks: The Fight Back Begins (Let's Just Bin Them!) and Clutter: Why It Will Always Work its Way Back By Morning, So What's The Point? ("None," said our panel, unanimously, "a total waste of time.")

We will also be offering our usual moving, real-life exclusives, including one woman's brave but losing battle against limescale – "The kettle, the dishwasher, the taps, the pipes... it's probably growing between my toes as I speak" – and, from another, a first-person account of defrosting the freezer with dynamite. "Alas, it took the house with it," she says, "but at least I can now cross that job off my list, and can sleep at night again."

Naturally, you will also find several of our cut-out-and-probably-lose "How To" guides, designed to talk you through the most common household problems, like how to call a tradesperson who won't turn up, or how to kill all your houseplants, or how to defrost a chicken in the bath, or how to call a second tradesperson who also won't turn up and could be the same as the first (how would you ever know?) and how to think you've beaten limescale, only for it to return. "I can see now," says one woman, "that I was only ever in remission. I'm back on the Viakal again, but hold out very little hope."

So, do purchase this month's edition which, aside from anything else, is excellent value and also comes with a free guide to not sorting books by taking them all down, getting lost in a few long-forgotten titles – Old Yeller, Forever Amber – and then putting them all back exactly as they were. This may not count for much in most circles but here, at Not OK!, there is little we admire more.

(Subscribe to Not OK! this month and you could win a free, unidentified something-or-other that you'd best not throw away, because you might need it one day, to do something-or-other with, whatever it is).

d.ross@independent.co.uk

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
SPONSORED FEATURES
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Guru Careers: Financial Director / FD / Senior Finance Manager

Up to 70k DOE: Guru Careers: We are seeking an experienced Financial Director ...

Ashdown Group: IT Support Analyst - Luton - £24,000

£20000 - £24000 per annum: Ashdown Group: IT Support Analyst vacancy with a we...

Recruitment Genius: Instructional Training Designer

£30000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic and interes...

Recruitment Genius: Warehouse & Stores Supervisor

£16224 - £20280 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Warehouse & Stores Supervisor...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

No more big characters or Tory clowns like Boris Johnson. London desperately needs a boring mayor

Rachel Holdsworth
Cilla Black lived her life in front of the lens, whether on television or her earlier pop career  

Cilla Black death: A sad farewell to the singer who gave us a 'lorra, lorra laughs'

Gerard Gilbert
Turkey-Kurdish conflict: Obama's deal with Ankara is a betrayal of Syrian Kurds and may not even weaken Isis

US betrayal of old ally brings limited reward

Since the accord, the Turks have only waged war on Kurds while no US bomber has used Incirlik airbase, says Patrick Cockburn
VIPs gather for opening of second Suez Canal - but doubts linger over security

'A gift from Egypt to the rest of the world'

VIPs gather for opening of second Suez Canal - but is it really needed?
Jeremy Corbyn dresses abysmally. That's a great thing because it's genuine

Jeremy Corbyn dresses abysmally. That's a great thing because it's genuine

Fashion editor, Alexander Fury, applauds a man who clearly has more important things on his mind
The male menopause and intimations of mortality

Aches, pains and an inkling of mortality

So the male menopause is real, they say, but what would the Victorians, 'old' at 30, think of that, asks DJ Taylor
Man Booker Prize 2015: Anna Smaill - How can I possibly be on the list with these writers I have idolised?

'How can I possibly be on the list with these writers I have idolised?'

Man Booker Prize nominee Anna Smaill on the rise of Kiwi lit
Bettany Hughes interview: The historian on how Socrates would have solved Greece's problems

Bettany Hughes interview

The historian on how Socrates would have solved Greece's problems
Art of the state: Pyongyang propaganda posters to be exhibited in China

Art of the state

Pyongyang propaganda posters to be exhibited in China
Mildreds and Vanilla Black have given vegetarian food a makeover in new cookbooks

Vegetarian food gets a makeover

Long-time vegetarian Holly Williams tries to recreate some of the inventive recipes in Mildreds and Vanilla Black's new cookbooks
The haunting of Shirley Jackson: Was the gothic author's life really as bleak as her fiction?

The haunting of Shirley Jackson

Was the gothic author's life really as bleak as her fiction?
Bill Granger recipes: Heading off on holiday? Try out our chef's seaside-inspired dishes...

Bill Granger's seaside-inspired recipes

These dishes are so easy to make, our chef is almost embarrassed to call them recipes
Ashes 2015: Tourists are limp, leaderless and distinctly UnAustralian

Tourists are limp, leaderless and distinctly UnAustralian

A woefully out-of-form Michael Clarke embodies his team's fragile Ashes campaign, says Michael Calvin
Blairites be warned, this could be the moment Labour turns into Syriza

Andrew Grice: Inside Westminster

Blairites be warned, this could be the moment Labour turns into Syriza
HMS Victory: The mystery of Britain's worst naval disaster is finally solved - 271 years later

The mystery of Britain's worst naval disaster is finally solved - 271 years later

Exclusive: David Keys reveals the research that finally explains why HMS Victory went down with the loss of 1,100 lives
Survivors of the Nagasaki atomic bomb attack: Japan must not abandon its post-war pacifism

'I saw people so injured you couldn't tell if they were dead or alive'

Nagasaki survivors on why Japan must not abandon its post-war pacifism
Jon Stewart: The voice of Democrats who felt Obama had failed to deliver on his 'Yes We Can' slogan, and the voter he tried hardest to keep onside

The voter Obama tried hardest to keep onside

Outgoing The Daily Show host, Jon Stewart, became the voice of Democrats who felt the President had failed to deliver on his ‘Yes We Can’ slogan. Tim Walker charts the ups and downs of their 10-year relationship on screen