Deborah Ross: How would we cope without celebrity mums?

If you ask me...

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, thank God for Denise Van Outen's just-published book, Bumpalicious, because, even though Myleene Klass, Tess Daley, Jools Oliver and Melanie Sykes have already put out books on their own pregnancy and childbirth experiences, it's not as if you can ever have too much of this sort of thing.

In fact, if it weren't for these celebrity new mothers, where would non-celebrity new mothers get their information from? Obstetricians, midwives, health visitors, respected experts and other non-celebrity mothers? Perhaps, even, non-celebrity mothers of the kind who do not have full-time nannies or Disney murals hand-painted on the nursery walls? What could they have to say of any interest, whereas Denise?

When her pregnancy test proved positive after almost 10 minutes of trying, she writes: "I looked at the two pink lines and shrieked with delight." This is helpful advice for anyone who discovers they've finally conceived after not very long, and might otherwise respond by making an origami swan, putting a wash on, or forcing a whole tangerine up their nose.

Each time a celebrity has a baby it's as if no one has ever had a baby before, which is interesting, as scientific research actually indicates babies may pre-date the iPod, as well as, possibly, the Breville sandwich toaster, although we don't know for certain. Who had the first baby? Again, scientists can't say for sure, but think it might have been Myleene Klass, judging by the way she carries on, the quantity of books she has produced, the number of OK! pages she has filled, and her blog at the Mothercare website, Gurgle, where she wrote, on discovering she was pregnant for the second time: "I went around grinning like a mad woman for a day or two." See? See? And you forced a tangerine up your nose? I bet you're feeling silly now.

So it's not as if babies have been around since the beginning of humankind, or that several hundred billion women have, to date, given birth and just got on with it without thinking they had anything uniquely fascinating to say. Don't be daft. If anything, we owe a big thank-you to these celebrity mums or, as one non-celebrity mum puts it: "I find being a mum hard enough as it is and I don't have nannies, muralists, cleaners, fitness trainers, housekeepers, drivers or a hefty annual income to think about. I don't know how they do it."

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Project Manager (upgrades, rollouts, migrations)

£350 - £425 Per Day: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Project Manager - 3 mont...

IT Administrator - Graduate

£18000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: ***EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY FO...

Primary Teachers needed in Winsford

£85 - £130 per day: Randstad Education Chester: Key Stage 2 Teachers needed in...

Exam Invigilators needed in North Wales

£45 - £50 per day: Randstad Education Chester: Randstad Education are currentl...

Day In a Page

Read Next
The colours of autumn leaves are among the many pleasures of the coming season  

In Sickness and in Health: As autumn arrives, more of us should wear high-vis clothes

Rebecca Armstrong
 

Daily catch-up: Scottish polls, canvass returns and arguments. And Top 10 Tweets

John Rentoul
Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
How to make a Lego masterpiece

How to make a Lego masterpiece

Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam
'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

Exclusive extract from Janis Winehouse's poignant new memoir
Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

The Imitation Game, film review
England and Roy Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption in Basel

England and Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption

Welbeck double puts England on the road to Euro 2016
Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

Pictures removed from public view as courts decide ownership
‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

Donatella Versace at New York Fashion Week