Deborah Ross: How would we cope without celebrity mums?

If you ask me...
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The Independent Online

If you ask me, thank God for Denise Van Outen's just-published book, Bumpalicious, because, even though Myleene Klass, Tess Daley, Jools Oliver and Melanie Sykes have already put out books on their own pregnancy and childbirth experiences, it's not as if you can ever have too much of this sort of thing.

In fact, if it weren't for these celebrity new mothers, where would non-celebrity new mothers get their information from? Obstetricians, midwives, health visitors, respected experts and other non-celebrity mothers? Perhaps, even, non-celebrity mothers of the kind who do not have full-time nannies or Disney murals hand-painted on the nursery walls? What could they have to say of any interest, whereas Denise?

When her pregnancy test proved positive after almost 10 minutes of trying, she writes: "I looked at the two pink lines and shrieked with delight." This is helpful advice for anyone who discovers they've finally conceived after not very long, and might otherwise respond by making an origami swan, putting a wash on, or forcing a whole tangerine up their nose.

Each time a celebrity has a baby it's as if no one has ever had a baby before, which is interesting, as scientific research actually indicates babies may pre-date the iPod, as well as, possibly, the Breville sandwich toaster, although we don't know for certain. Who had the first baby? Again, scientists can't say for sure, but think it might have been Myleene Klass, judging by the way she carries on, the quantity of books she has produced, the number of OK! pages she has filled, and her blog at the Mothercare website, Gurgle, where she wrote, on discovering she was pregnant for the second time: "I went around grinning like a mad woman for a day or two." See? See? And you forced a tangerine up your nose? I bet you're feeling silly now.

So it's not as if babies have been around since the beginning of humankind, or that several hundred billion women have, to date, given birth and just got on with it without thinking they had anything uniquely fascinating to say. Don't be daft. If anything, we owe a big thank-you to these celebrity mums or, as one non-celebrity mum puts it: "I find being a mum hard enough as it is and I don't have nannies, muralists, cleaners, fitness trainers, housekeepers, drivers or a hefty annual income to think about. I don't know how they do it."