Deborah Ross: How would we cope without celebrity mums?

If you ask me...

Related Topics

If you ask me, thank God for Denise Van Outen's just-published book, Bumpalicious, because, even though Myleene Klass, Tess Daley, Jools Oliver and Melanie Sykes have already put out books on their own pregnancy and childbirth experiences, it's not as if you can ever have too much of this sort of thing.

In fact, if it weren't for these celebrity new mothers, where would non-celebrity new mothers get their information from? Obstetricians, midwives, health visitors, respected experts and other non-celebrity mothers? Perhaps, even, non-celebrity mothers of the kind who do not have full-time nannies or Disney murals hand-painted on the nursery walls? What could they have to say of any interest, whereas Denise?

When her pregnancy test proved positive after almost 10 minutes of trying, she writes: "I looked at the two pink lines and shrieked with delight." This is helpful advice for anyone who discovers they've finally conceived after not very long, and might otherwise respond by making an origami swan, putting a wash on, or forcing a whole tangerine up their nose.

Each time a celebrity has a baby it's as if no one has ever had a baby before, which is interesting, as scientific research actually indicates babies may pre-date the iPod, as well as, possibly, the Breville sandwich toaster, although we don't know for certain. Who had the first baby? Again, scientists can't say for sure, but think it might have been Myleene Klass, judging by the way she carries on, the quantity of books she has produced, the number of OK! pages she has filled, and her blog at the Mothercare website, Gurgle, where she wrote, on discovering she was pregnant for the second time: "I went around grinning like a mad woman for a day or two." See? See? And you forced a tangerine up your nose? I bet you're feeling silly now.

So it's not as if babies have been around since the beginning of humankind, or that several hundred billion women have, to date, given birth and just got on with it without thinking they had anything uniquely fascinating to say. Don't be daft. If anything, we owe a big thank-you to these celebrity mums or, as one non-celebrity mum puts it: "I find being a mum hard enough as it is and I don't have nannies, muralists, cleaners, fitness trainers, housekeepers, drivers or a hefty annual income to think about. I don't know how they do it."

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Senior Digital Marketing Consultant

£28000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Senior Digital Marketing Cons...

Recruitment Genius: Assistant Stores Keeper

£16640 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An Assistant Stores Keeper is r...

Recruitment Genius: Claims Administrator

£16000 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an excellent opportunit...

Recruitment Genius: Software Developer - C# / ASP.NET / SQL

£17000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Developer required to join a bu...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Nicola Sturgeon could have considerable influence over David Cameron in a hung parliament  

General Election 2015: What if Cameron were to end up in hock to the SNP?

Steve Richards
Fishing for votes with Nigel Farage: The Ukip leader shows how he can work an audience as he casts his line to the disaffected of Grimsby

Fishing is on Nigel Farage's mind

Ukip leader casts a line to the disaffected
Who is bombing whom in the Middle East? It's amazing they don't all hit each other

Who is bombing whom in the Middle East?

Robert Fisk untangles the countries and factions
China's influence on fashion: At the top of the game both creatively and commercially

China's influence on fashion

At the top of the game both creatively and commercially
Lord O’Donnell: Former cabinet secretary on the election and life away from the levers of power

The man known as GOD has a reputation for getting the job done

Lord O'Donnell's three principles of rule
Rainbow shades: It's all bright on the night

Rainbow shades

It's all bright on the night
'It was first time I had ever tasted chocolate. I kept a piece, and when Amsterdam was liberated, I gave it to the first Allied soldier I saw'

Bread from heaven

Dutch survivors thank RAF for World War II drop that saved millions
Britain will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power - Labour

How 'the Axe' helped Labour

UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power
Rare and exclusive video shows the horrific price paid by activists for challenging the rule of jihadist extremists in Syria

The price to be paid for challenging the rule of extremists

A revolution now 'consuming its own children'
Welcome to the world of Megagames

Welcome to the world of Megagames

300 players take part in Watch the Skies! board game in London
'Nymphomaniac' actress reveals what it was really like to star in one of the most explicit films ever

Charlotte Gainsbourg on 'Nymphomaniac'

Starring in one of the most explicit films ever
Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers

Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi

The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers
Vince Cable interview: Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'

Vince Cable exclusive interview

Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'
Iwan Rheon interview: Game of Thrones star returns to his Welsh roots to record debut album

Iwan Rheon is returning to his Welsh roots

Rheon is best known for his role as the Bastard of Bolton. It's gruelling playing a sadistic torturer, he tells Craig McLean, but it hasn't stopped him recording an album of Welsh psychedelia
Morne Hardenberg interview: Cameraman for BBC's upcoming show Shark on filming the ocean's most dangerous predator

It's time for my close-up

Meet the man who films great whites for a living
Increasing numbers of homeless people in America keep their mobile phones on the streets

Homeless people keep mobile phones

A homeless person with a smartphone is a common sight in the US. And that's creating a network where the 'hobo' community can share information - and fight stigma - like never before