Deborah Ross: How would we cope without celebrity mums?

If you ask me...

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, thank God for Denise Van Outen's just-published book, Bumpalicious, because, even though Myleene Klass, Tess Daley, Jools Oliver and Melanie Sykes have already put out books on their own pregnancy and childbirth experiences, it's not as if you can ever have too much of this sort of thing.

In fact, if it weren't for these celebrity new mothers, where would non-celebrity new mothers get their information from? Obstetricians, midwives, health visitors, respected experts and other non-celebrity mothers? Perhaps, even, non-celebrity mothers of the kind who do not have full-time nannies or Disney murals hand-painted on the nursery walls? What could they have to say of any interest, whereas Denise?

When her pregnancy test proved positive after almost 10 minutes of trying, she writes: "I looked at the two pink lines and shrieked with delight." This is helpful advice for anyone who discovers they've finally conceived after not very long, and might otherwise respond by making an origami swan, putting a wash on, or forcing a whole tangerine up their nose.

Each time a celebrity has a baby it's as if no one has ever had a baby before, which is interesting, as scientific research actually indicates babies may pre-date the iPod, as well as, possibly, the Breville sandwich toaster, although we don't know for certain. Who had the first baby? Again, scientists can't say for sure, but think it might have been Myleene Klass, judging by the way she carries on, the quantity of books she has produced, the number of OK! pages she has filled, and her blog at the Mothercare website, Gurgle, where she wrote, on discovering she was pregnant for the second time: "I went around grinning like a mad woman for a day or two." See? See? And you forced a tangerine up your nose? I bet you're feeling silly now.

So it's not as if babies have been around since the beginning of humankind, or that several hundred billion women have, to date, given birth and just got on with it without thinking they had anything uniquely fascinating to say. Don't be daft. If anything, we owe a big thank-you to these celebrity mums or, as one non-celebrity mum puts it: "I find being a mum hard enough as it is and I don't have nannies, muralists, cleaners, fitness trainers, housekeepers, drivers or a hefty annual income to think about. I don't know how they do it."

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Austen Lloyd: Private Client Solicitor - Oxford

Excellent Salary : Austen Lloyd: OXFORD - REGIONAL FIRM - An excellent opportu...

Austen Lloyd: Clinical Negligence Associate / Partner - Bristol

Super Package: Austen Lloyd: BRISTOL - SENIOR CLINICAL NEGLIGENCE - An outstan...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Consultant - Solar Energy - OTE £50,000

£15000 - £50000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Fantastic opportunities are ava...

Recruitment Genius: Compute Engineer

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: A Compute Engineer is required to join a globa...

Day In a Page

Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah ibn Abd al-Aziz Al Saud back in 2010  

The media cannot ignore tricky questions when someone dies. But it must stick to the facts

Will Gore
Iraq invasion 2003: The bloody warnings six wise men gave to Tony Blair as he prepared to launch poorly planned campaign

What the six wise men told Tony Blair

Months before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, experts sought to warn the PM about his plans. Here, four of them recall that day
25 years of The Independent on Sunday: The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century

25 years of The Independent on Sunday

The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century
Homeless Veterans appeal: 'Really caring is a dangerous emotion in this kind of work'

Homeless Veterans appeal

As head of The Soldiers' Charity, Martin Rutledge has to temper compassion with realism. He tells Chris Green how his Army career prepared him
Wu-Tang Clan and The Sexual Objects offer fans a chance to own the only copies of their latest albums

Smash hit go under the hammer

It's nice to pick up a new record once in a while, but the purchasers of two latest releases can go a step further - by buying the only copy
Geeks who rocked the world: Documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry

The geeks who rocked the world

A new documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry
Belle & Sebastian interview: Stuart Murdoch reveals how the band is taking a new direction

Belle & Sebastian is taking a new direction

Twenty years ago, Belle & Sebastian was a fey indie band from Glasgow. It still is – except today, as prime mover Stuart Murdoch admits, it has a global cult following, from Hollywood to South Korea
America: Land of the free, home of the political dynasty

America: Land of the free, home of the political dynasty

These days in the US things are pretty much stuck where they are, both in politics and society at large, says Rupert Cornwell
A graphic history of US civil rights – in comic book form

A graphic history of US civil rights – in comic book form

A veteran of the Fifties campaigns is inspiring a new generation of activists
Winston Churchill: the enigma of a British hero

Winston Churchill: the enigma of a British hero

A C Benson called him 'a horrid little fellow', George Orwell would have shot him, but what a giant he seems now, says DJ Taylor
Growing mussels: Precious freshwater shellfish are thriving in a unique green project

Growing mussels

Precious freshwater shellfish are thriving in a unique green project
Diana Krall: The jazz singer on being friends with Elton John, outer space and skiing in Dubai

Diana Krall interview

The jazz singer on being friends with Elton John, outer space and skiing in Dubai
Pinstriped for action: A glimpse of what the very rich man will be wearing this winter

Pinstriped for action

A glimpse of what the very rich man will be wearing this winter
Russell T Davies & Ben Cook: 'Our friendship flourished online. You can share some very revelatory moments at four in the morning…'

Russell T Davies & Ben Cook: How we met

'Our friendship flourished online. You can share some very revelatory moments at four in the morning…'
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef serves up his favourite Japanese dishes

Bill Granger's Japanese recipes

Stock up on mirin, soy and miso and you have the makings of everyday Japanese cuisine
Michael Calvin: How we need more Eric Cantonas to knock some sense into us

Michael Calvin's Last Word

How we need more Eric Cantonas to knock some sense into us