Deborah Ross: I just wish I could give to everyone

If you ask me...

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, I won't be contributing to the Dahl family's £500,000 appeal to help restore and shift Roald's shed, if only because I am already contributing towards the shifting of Sir Paul McCartney's pergola, which, sadly, is currently north-facing whereas south-facing would be more the ticket. Indeed, as his daughter, Stella, so movingly put it when she launched the Sir Paul McCartney Pergola Appeal and before rushing off to design a great deal of over-priced sportswear: "Dad does like to feel the sun on his face and, after all he has done, who would wish to deny him?"

Ideally, I would contribute to both, but times are tight, I'm afraid, plus I've also just donated quite a sum to Simon Cowell, whose tumble-drier is on the blink, and heaven knows how much that is going to cost. An arm and a leg, I suspect. Parts are never cheap, nor is labour and, blow me, if it didn't break down the day after the warranty ran out. Isn't that always the way? ("It is," sighed Cowell, morosely).

I feel bad about Dahl's shed, I seriously do, and bad for his grand-daughter, Sophie, who referred to it so heart-rendingly as "the poor little hut" and has far better things to do than try to offload the cost on to the nation. She has her grandfather's royalties to count. She is a TV star. She is a global supermodel. She is the wife of a multi-millionaire musician, to whom she probably says, on her return home in the evenings: "Jamie, I'm pooped, and don't need this, but that poor little hut. I can't just stand by while the British public do nothing about it. What sort of person would that make me?"

If asked, I think I would say to Ms Dahl what I say to "chuggers" on the street when I'm not quick enough to avoid eye contact. I would say: "I can't afford to give to everybody" and it's true. In fact, JK Rowling was onto me just a few days ago saying she dearly wants a new fitted kitchen and has her eye on Poggenpohl so I had to give it to her straight: "I'm afraid Sir Paul's pergola got in first, love. And if they decide to also move his bench, that's going to be an extra £800,000 at least."

So I feel bad – terrible! – but what can you do, if rich celebrities keep coming at you, cap in hand? Or, as I said to Victoria Beckham who is seeking funds for side-return extension and a new set of saucepans: "What if Sir Paul wants to reposition his little faux wishing well? Had you thought of that?"

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
SPONSORED FEATURES
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive or Senior Sales Executive - B2B Exhibitions

£18000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Sales Executive or Senior Sal...

Recruitment Genius: Head of Support Services

£40000 - £55000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...

Recruitment Genius: Warehouse Team Leader

£22000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This industry leading company produces h...

Recruitment Genius: Business Development Manager / Sales - OTE £40,000

£20000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This IT provider for the educat...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Errors & Omissions: the strange case of the errant royal pronoun

Guy Keleny
Flowers and candles are placed at the site where a refrigerated truck with decomposing bodies was found by an Austrian motorway  

EU migrant crisis: The 71 people found dead in a lorry should have reached sanctuary

Charlotte Mcdonald-Gibson
The Silk Roads that trace civilisation: Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places

The Silk Roads that trace civilisation

Long before the West rose to power, Asian pathways were connecting peoples and places
House of Lords: Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled

The honours that shame Britain

Outcry as donors, fixers and MPs caught up in expenses scandal are ennobled
When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race

'When it comes to street harassment, we need to talk about race'

Why are black men living the stereotypes and why are we letting them get away with it?
International Tap Festival: Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic

International Tap Festival comes to the UK

Forget Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers - this dancing is improvised, spontaneous and rhythmic
War with Isis: Is Turkey's buffer zone in Syria a matter of self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

Turkey's buffer zone in Syria: self-defence – or just anti-Kurd?

Ankara accused of exacerbating racial division by allowing Turkmen minority to cross the border
Doris Lessing: Acclaimed novelist was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show

'A subversive brothel keeper and Communist'

Acclaimed novelist Doris Lessing was kept under MI5 observation for 18 years, newly released papers show
Big Blue Live: BBC's Springwatch offshoot swaps back gardens for California's Monterey Bay

BBC heads to the Californian coast

The Big Blue Live crew is preparing for the first of three episodes on Sunday night, filming from boats, planes and an aquarium studio
Austin Bidwell: The Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England with the most daring forgery the world had known

Victorian fraudster who shook the Bank of England

Conman Austin Bidwell. was a heartless cad who carried out the most daring forgery the world had known
Car hacking scandal: Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked

Car hacking scandal

Security designed to stop thieves hot-wiring almost every modern motor has been cracked
10 best placemats

Take your seat: 10 best placemats

Protect your table and dine in style with a bold new accessory
Ashes 2015: Alastair Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

Cook not the only one to be caught in The Oval mindwarp

Aussie skipper Michael Clarke was lured into believing that what we witnessed at Edgbaston and Trent Bridge would continue in London, says Kevin Garside
Can Rafael Benitez get the best out of Gareth Bale at Real Madrid?

Can Benitez get the best out of Bale?

Back at the club he watched as a boy, the pressure is on Benitez to find a winning blend from Real's multiple talents. As La Liga begins, Pete Jenson asks if it will be enough to stop Barcelona
Athletics World Championships 2015: Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jessica Ennis-Hill and Katarina Johnson-Thompson heptathlon rivalry

Beijing witnesses new stage in the Jess and Kat rivalry

The last time the two British heptathletes competed, Ennis-Hill was on the way to Olympic gold and Johnson-Thompson was just a promising teenager. But a lot has happened in the following three years
Jeremy Corbyn: Joining a shrewd operator desperate for power as he visits the North East

Jeremy Corbyn interview: A shrewd operator desperate for power

His radical anti-austerity agenda has caught the imagination of the left and politically disaffected and set a staid Labour leadership election alight
Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief: Defender of ancient city's past was killed for protecting its future

Isis executes Palmyra antiquities chief

Robert Fisk on the defender of the ancient city's past who was killed for protecting its future