Deborah Ross: I just wish I could give to everyone

If you ask me...

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, I won't be contributing to the Dahl family's £500,000 appeal to help restore and shift Roald's shed, if only because I am already contributing towards the shifting of Sir Paul McCartney's pergola, which, sadly, is currently north-facing whereas south-facing would be more the ticket. Indeed, as his daughter, Stella, so movingly put it when she launched the Sir Paul McCartney Pergola Appeal and before rushing off to design a great deal of over-priced sportswear: "Dad does like to feel the sun on his face and, after all he has done, who would wish to deny him?"

Ideally, I would contribute to both, but times are tight, I'm afraid, plus I've also just donated quite a sum to Simon Cowell, whose tumble-drier is on the blink, and heaven knows how much that is going to cost. An arm and a leg, I suspect. Parts are never cheap, nor is labour and, blow me, if it didn't break down the day after the warranty ran out. Isn't that always the way? ("It is," sighed Cowell, morosely).

I feel bad about Dahl's shed, I seriously do, and bad for his grand-daughter, Sophie, who referred to it so heart-rendingly as "the poor little hut" and has far better things to do than try to offload the cost on to the nation. She has her grandfather's royalties to count. She is a TV star. She is a global supermodel. She is the wife of a multi-millionaire musician, to whom she probably says, on her return home in the evenings: "Jamie, I'm pooped, and don't need this, but that poor little hut. I can't just stand by while the British public do nothing about it. What sort of person would that make me?"

If asked, I think I would say to Ms Dahl what I say to "chuggers" on the street when I'm not quick enough to avoid eye contact. I would say: "I can't afford to give to everybody" and it's true. In fact, JK Rowling was onto me just a few days ago saying she dearly wants a new fitted kitchen and has her eye on Poggenpohl so I had to give it to her straight: "I'm afraid Sir Paul's pergola got in first, love. And if they decide to also move his bench, that's going to be an extra £800,000 at least."

So I feel bad – terrible! – but what can you do, if rich celebrities keep coming at you, cap in hand? Or, as I said to Victoria Beckham who is seeking funds for side-return extension and a new set of saucepans: "What if Sir Paul wants to reposition his little faux wishing well? Had you thought of that?"

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Account Manager

£20000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This full service social media ...

Recruitment Genius: Data Analyst - Online Marketing

£24000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: We are 'Changemakers in retail'...

Austen Lloyd: Senior Residential Conveyancer

Very Competitive: Austen Lloyd: Senior Conveyancer - South West We are see...

Austen Lloyd: Residential / Commercial Property Solicitor

Excellent Salary: Austen Lloyd: DORSET MARKET TOWN - SENIOR PROPERTY SOLICITOR...

Day In a Page

Read Next
RIP Voicemail?  

Voicemail has got me out of some tight corners, so let's not abandon it

Simon Kelner
A sculpture illustrating the WW1 Christmas Truce football match in Liverpool  

It's been 100 years since the Christmas Truce, but football is still changing the world

Jim Murphy and Dan Jarvis
Isis in Iraq: Yazidi girls killing themselves to escape rape and imprisonment by militants

'Jilan killed herself in the bathroom. She cut her wrists and hanged herself'

Yazidi girls killing themselves to escape rape and imprisonment
Ed Balls interview: 'If I think about the deficit when I'm playing the piano, it all goes wrong'

Ed Balls interview

'If I think about the deficit when I'm playing the piano, it all goes wrong'
He's behind you, dude!

US stars in UK panto

From David Hasselhoff to Jerry Hall
Grace Dent's Christmas Quiz: What are you – a festive curmudgeon or top of the tree?

Grace Dent's Christmas Quiz

What are you – a festive curmudgeon or top of the tree?
Nasa planning to build cloud cities in airships above Venus

Nasa planning to build cloud cities in airships above Venus

Planet’s surface is inhospitable to humans but 30 miles above it is almost perfect
Surrounded by high-rise flats is a little house filled with Lebanon’s history - clocks, rifles, frogmen’s uniforms and colonial helmets

Clocks, rifles, swords, frogmen’s uniforms

Surrounded by high-rise flats is a little house filled with Lebanon’s history
Return to Gaza: Four months on, the wounds left by Israel's bombardment have not yet healed

Four months after the bombardment, Gaza’s wounds are yet to heal

Kim Sengupta is reunited with a man whose plight mirrors the suffering of the Palestinian people
Gastric surgery: Is it really the answer to the UK's obesity epidemic?

Is gastric surgery really the answer to the UK's obesity epidemic?

Critics argue that it’s crazy to operate on healthy people just to stop them eating
Homeless Veterans appeal: Christmas charity auction Part 2 - now LIVE

Homeless Veterans appeal: Christmas charity auction

Bid on original art, or trips of a lifetime to Africa or the 'Corrie' set, and help Homeless Veterans
Pantomime rings the changes to welcome autistic theatre-goers

Autism-friendly theatre

Pantomime leads the pack in quest to welcome all
The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

Sony suffered a chorus of disapproval after it withdrew 'The Interview', but it's not too late for it to take a stand, says Joan Smith
From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?

Panto dames: before and after

From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?
Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Booksellers say readers are turning away from dark modern thrillers and back to the golden age of crime writing
Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best,' says founder of JustGiving

Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best'

Ten million of us have used the JustGiving website to donate to good causes. Its co-founder says that being dynamic is as important as being kind
The botanist who hunts for giant trees at Kew Gardens

The man who hunts giants

A Kew Gardens botanist has found 25 new large tree species - and he's sure there are more out there