Deborah Ross: If you can't afford it, then it's in fashion

If you ask me...

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, which you will persist in doing, probably because I'm wise beyond my years – according to my doctor, I am at least a decade wiser than my actual age – I think it's about time this newspaper instigated a regular More Cash Than Dash column so that we can all laugh at stupid people with too much money and thereby feel better about ourselves.

Although I am happy to take More Cash Than Dash recommendations, I would like to kick off, if I may, with the new Bugaboo "donkey" pram which costs a minimum of £1,200 and although I do not know what you get for that money exactly, I would certainly expect wi-fi, en-suite, infinity pool and a nice lady to come in morning and evening to water the plants and feed the cat*. I note, too, that the pram is "all-terrain" which is essential for why? In case you should you ever need to take your baby off-road between Whistles and JoJo Maman Bebe, or encounter black ice in Planet Organic, Muswell Hill? I'm guessing so.

There were no such prams when my son was little. Indeed, I had such a flimsy stroller that one shopping bag on the handle combined with a moment of distraction and the whole thing would go arse over tit. My son did, I admit, spend a lot of time bouncing along on his skull but no long-term hurt was done, aside from some brain damage that is barely noticeable beyond a certain slowness and lolling of the head, and as my doctor said to me: "Well, at least you saved yourself £1,200, and cannot be laughed at as a stupid person with too much money. I think you may even be 15 years wiser than your actual age. Well done!"

And my second suggestion, for now? The new Mulberry "bum-bag" which, priced at £300, proves, I think, that anything can be desirable and fashionable so long as most other people can't afford it. Next, it will be Louis Vuitton pop-socks, at £220 a throw. That said, I have always liked bum-bags. They go with my look, generally, plus are handy for keys and for money and are sometimes double-zippered for just this purpose. A word of warning, though: In America they are called fanny packs and it is never, ever wise to pack your fanny. I did it once and I couldn't get the creases out for ages, not even with the iron on "steam".

*Although you will have to buy an extra, limited-edition, £799 bag for the lady to live in, it is available in a rainbow of colours and can be attached to the pram via the built-in lady-holder.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Finance Director

£65000 - £80000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Finance Director required to jo...

Recruitment Genius: Medico-Legal Assistant

£15000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a unique opportunity fo...

Ashdown Group: (PHP / Python) - Global Media firm

£50000 per annum + 26 days holiday,pension: Ashdown Group: A highly successful...

The Jenrick Group: Quality Inspector

£27000 per annum + pension + holidays: The Jenrick Group: A Quality Technician...

Day In a Page

Read Next
William Hague with his former special adviser, Christopher Myers  

Who needs special advisers? We all do

John Rentoul
Vivienne Westwood and her son Joe Corré deliver an anti-fracking letter to No 10 last week  

From noble to narky, the fall of the open letter

DJ Taylor
The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

The week Hollywood got scared and had to grow up a bit

Sony suffered a chorus of disapproval after it withdrew 'The Interview', but it's not too late for it to take a stand, says Joan Smith
From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?

Panto dames: before and after

From Widow Twankey to Mother Goose, how do the men who play panto dames get themselves ready for the performance of a lifetime?
Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Thirties murder mystery novel is surprise runaway Christmas hit

Booksellers say readers are turning away from dark modern thrillers and back to the golden age of crime writing
Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best,' says founder of JustGiving

Anne-Marie Huby: 'Charities deserve the best'

Ten million of us have used the JustGiving website to donate to good causes. Its co-founder says that being dynamic is as important as being kind
The botanist who hunts for giant trees at Kew Gardens

The man who hunts giants

A Kew Gardens botanist has found 25 new large tree species - and he's sure there are more out there
The 12 ways of Christmas: Spare a thought for those who will be working to keep others safe during the festive season

The 12 ways of Christmas

We speak to a dozen people who will be working to keep others safe, happy and healthy over the holidays
Birdwatching men have a lot in common with their feathered friends, new study shows

The male exhibits strange behaviour

A new study shows that birdwatching men have a lot in common with their feathered friends...
Diaries of Evelyn Waugh, Virginia Woolf and Noël Coward reveal how they coped with the December blues

Famous diaries: Christmas week in history

Noël Coward parties into the night, Alan Clark bemoans the cost of servants, Evelyn Waugh ponders his drinking…
From noble to narky, the fall of the open letter

From noble to narky, the fall of the open letter

The great tradition of St Paul and Zola reached its nadir with a hungry worker's rant to Russell Brand, says DJ Taylor
A Christmas ghost story by Alison Moore: A prodigal daughter has a breakthrough

A Christmas ghost story by Alison Moore

The story was published earlier this month in 'Poor Souls' Light: Seven Curious Tales'
Marian Keyes: The author on her pre-approved Christmas, true love's parking implications and living in the moment

Marian Keyes

The author on her pre-approved Christmas, true love's parking implications and living in the moment
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef creates an Italian-inspired fish feast for Christmas Eve

Bill Granger's Christmas Eve fish feast

Bill's Italian friends introduced him to the Roman Catholic custom of a lavish fish supper on Christmas Eve. Here, he gives the tradition his own spin…
Liverpool vs Arsenal: Brendan Rodgers is fighting for his reputation

Rodgers fights for his reputation

Liverpool manager tries to stay on his feet despite waves of criticism
Amir Khan: 'The Taliban can threaten me but I must speak out... innocent kids, killed over nothing. It’s sick in the mind'

Amir Khan attacks the Taliban

'They can threaten me but I must speak out... innocent kids, killed over nothing. It’s sick in the mind'
Michael Calvin: Sepp Blatter is my man of the year in sport. Bring on 2015, quick

Michael Calvin's Last Word

Sepp Blatter is my man of the year in sport. Bring on 2015, quick