Deborah Ross: Not sleeping with George Clooney... one of many resolutions I'll be sure to keep

If you ask me: And, to think, some have always written me off a loser!

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, I am delighted to report that, unlike in previous years, I am doing extremely well with my resolutions for 2012 and have shown very little sign of veering off, cheating or sabotaging myself. My resolutions include:

I will not sleep with George Clooney or pose nude for Playboy: I am so confident about sticking to this resolution that if you were to ask me at the end of this year if I had slept with George Clooney, or posed nude for Playboy I'll bet you all the money there is that my answer will be: "No."

I will wear the correct shoe on the correct foot at all times: If you see me doing otherwise, please, please pull me up on it.

I will be a complete sucker for all those expensive face creams that promise to reverse the signs of ageing: I will buy these creams on an almost monthly basis even though I know, deep down, I've more chance of reversing a tank up my arse. This is how committed I am.

I will not cut down my smoking: I may even strive to up it by smoking in hitherto untried places, like in the shower, down into babies' cots, and up Paul McKenna's trouser leg.

I will not sneak up on people and poke them with a big stick: Aside from a momentary lapse yesterday, when I did sneak up on someone and did poke them with a big stick, I have been as good as gold in this respect. I think one momentary lapse can be forgiven.

I will not lose weight: I am already on track and have just clawed at the leftover Christmas pudding in the fridge. Shortly, I will be revisiting the fridge for three chipolatas and a handful of stuffing. I am being most strict about this.

I will not harass my teenage son about never returning towels to the bathroom: This is a bit of a cheat as I actually stopped doing this in 2009; the year I realised it was pointless and a complete waste of breath.

I will be full-on creepy around important people: As it stands, I am only quasi-creepy as something within stops me going the whole hog, but I will attempt to do better, and creep like there's no tomorrow.

I will eat a tomato as if it were an apple: I will, and I will do it a week on Thursday. Just see if I don't.

Aside from not sneaking up on people and poking them with a big stick, which is always a hard habit to break, I believe I am well on course to succeeding with these resolutions. And, to think, some have always written me off a loser! Ha!

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Property Manager

£25000 - £29000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This independent, growing Sales...

Recruitment Genius: Graphic Designer

£16000 - £20000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Multi-skilled graphic designer ...

Austen Lloyd: Court of Protection Solicitor

£30000 - £50000 per annum + EXCELLENT: Austen Lloyd: Court of Protection Solic...

Recruitment Genius: Senior Supervisor / Housewares / Furniture

£17000 - £20000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a fantastic opportunity...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

David Mellor has been exposed as an awful man, but should he have been?

Simon Kelner
Tony Blair speaks on stage at the 2nd Annual Save The Children Illumination Gala  

Tony Blair's award from Save the Children raises an important question: are they joking?

Chris Maume
Homeless Veterans Christmas Appeal: Drifting and forgotten - turning lives around for ex-soldiers

Homeless Veterans Christmas Appeal: Turning lives around for ex-soldiers

Our partner charities help veterans on the brink – and get them back on their feet
Putin’s far-right ambition: Think-tank reveals how Russian President is wooing – and funding – populist parties across Europe to gain influence in the EU

Putin’s far-right ambition

Think-tank reveals how Russian President is wooing – and funding – populist parties across Europe to gain influence in the EU
Tove Jansson's Moominland: What was the inspiration for Finland's most famous family?

Escape to Moominland

What was the inspiration for Finland's most famous family?
Nightclubbing with Richard Young: The story behind his latest book of celebrity photographs

24-Hour party person

Photographer Richard Young has been snapping celebrities at play for 40 years. As his latest book is released, he reveals that it wasn’t all fun and games
Michelle Obama's school dinners: America’s children have a message for the First Lady

A taste for rebellion

US children have started an online protest against Michelle Obama’s drive for healthy school meals by posting photos of their lunches
Colouring books for adults: How the French are going crazy for Crayolas

Colouring books for adults

How the French are going crazy for Crayolas
Jack Thorne's play 'Hope': What would you do as a local politician faced with an impossible choice of cuts?

What would you do as a local politician faced with an impossible choice of cuts?

Playwright Jack Thorne's latest work 'Hope' poses the question to audiences
Ed Harcourt on Romeo Beckham and life as a court composer at Burberry

Call me Ed Mozart

Paloma Faith, Lana del Ray... Romeo Beckham. Ed Harcourt has proved that he can write for them all. But it took a personal crisis to turn him from indie star to writer-for-hire
10 best stocking fillers for foodies

Festive treats: 10 best stocking fillers for foodies

From boozy milk to wasabi, give the food-lover in your life some extra-special, unusual treats to wake up to on Christmas morning
Phil Hughes head injury: He had one weakness – it has come back to haunt him

Phil Hughes had one weakness – it has come back to haunt him

Prolific opener had world at his feet until Harmison and Flintoff bounced him
'I have an age of attraction that starts as low as four': How do you deal with a paedophile who has never committed a crime?

'I am a paedophile'

Is our approach to sex offenders helping to create more victims?
How bad do you have to be to lose a Home Office contract?

How bad do you have to be to lose a Home Office contract?

Serco given Yarl’s Wood immigration contract despite ‘vast failings’
Green Party on the march in Bristol: From a lost deposit to victory

From a lost deposit to victory

Green Party on the march in Bristol
Putting the grot right into Santa's grotto

Winter blunderlands

Putting the grot into grotto
'It just came to us, why not do it naked?' London's first nude free runner captured in breathtaking images across capital

'It just came to us, why not do it naked?'

London's first nude free runner captured in breathtaking images across capital