Deborah Ross: The Big Society is too small for Boden mothers

If you ask me...
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The Independent Online

If you ask me, I'm wondering if anyone can have a go at proposing those sections of our "big society" which should be disenfranchised. I mention this in response to a recent Daily Telegraph blog which said those who don't pay taxes – the unemployed, benefit claimants, anyone who may have suffered from the job cuts but is obviously "work-shy" all the same – shouldn't be allowed to vote, although surely it would be fairer if their votes carried six times the weight and the following were banned, if only out of spite: Vogue "recessionistas" who keep telling us how to save money as if it were an amusing adventure (Vogue fashion assistant Annabel Parker had her Chanel bag rejuvenated for just £150"); rich people who would pay lots of tax if they weren't up to funny business offshore (nice); Boden/Toast/Whistles mothers who double-park 4x4s outside schools and think putting their hazard lights on makes it all right (it doesn't, love: also, I hate your swishy, flirty, dotty skirt); Vogue recessionistas who tell us how to clean chandeliers without having to call a man in (vinegar is probably the answer, Annabel; it usually is); young estate agents who cut you up in their Mini Coopers (my car may only have the one wing mirror, but at least I own it, dearie); MPs who say that without expenses the job won't attract the "right" kind of person (good).

They can all go to hell, as well as: local parents who diss the local school even though your kids did fine there, and can steal cars to order (only kidding, although I'm still half-hoping for something with a second wing mirror); PRs who begin emails with "I hope you are well" even when you have just spoken to them (what do they think? That you might have contracted the pox in the meantime?); politicians who have never had to get proper jobs or fret about making ends meet (put a bit aside every month, and you'll be amazed how often you have to raid it and how little it adds up to); plus all Daily Telegraph journalists and anyone who went to Eton and although these last two certainly shouldn't be allowed the vote, they would still be encouraged to turn up at polling stations so we can give them the slipper before dispatching them to be buggered at boarding school, in keeping with traditional family values. (Part Two on Thursday because, seriously, I'm really feeling this, and it's exceptionally moreish, like cheese.)