Deborah Ross: The secret of my success? Ask the tricky question last and flee

If you ask me...
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The Independent Online

If you ask me, now that I am INTERVIEWER OF THE YEAR and am AN AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST of the AWARD-WINNING KIND who WINS AWARDS, AWARD-WINNINGLY, I feel it is the right time to interview myself about my AWARD-WINNING career, which has been recognised with AN AWARD.

I visited myself at home, where I found myself to not only be extremely lovely, but also pretty, bright-eyed, with a good figure, and just a really nice way about me. Plus, I liked my hair. Here is the interview:

Deborah, how would you describe your interviewing style?

I would say I'm from the Cowardly School of Interviewing, which was founded by Nancy Coward in 1862, and followed by a substantial number of journalists ever since, and mostly involves saving the trickiest question for last and then going all red and running like the wind*.

Do you enjoy transcribing taped interviews?

Love it, as I have a very special gift for craven arsery, which I never tire of hearing, plus I always like the way I interrupt interviewees just as they are about to say something interesting. Alternatively, I might simply talk over them in a very loud voice. I believe the AWARD, that I WON, was partly in recognition of these unique skills.

If I met you at a party and asked you who was your favourite/worst interviewee of all time, would you go blank and just stand there, looking like an idiot?

I would. How did you know that? Are you a smarty pants of the kind Dennis Waterman would like to punch?

How can women avoid being punched by Dennis Waterman?

They can take my "Am I Too Smart For Dennis Waterman?" test, which involves asking themselves these questions: Can I tie my own shoe laces? Can I tell a trifle from a pen? Did I always think Minder was shite? The woman who answers "yes" to any of the above is too smart for Dennis Waterman.

Who was your scariest interview?

Vinnie Jones, who would not look up from some boating magazine. He said he was about to buy "a horse and boat". I talked on and on about barges and canals and the big horses that pull them, as he got angrier and angrier and then left the room. I later worked out he'd said "awesome boat".

Have your family been supportive?

Not in the least, but that is the cross I have to bear.

Who have you yet to interview?

A hunk of cheese. One day you're milk, the next you are not. Fascinating.

*(If you would like further information on how to go red and run like the wind, please contact The Cowardly School of Interviewing, Kidderminster, Worcs. )

Deborah Ross won Interviewer of the Year at the 2012 Press Awards