Deborah Ross: Too much time on your hands? This is the book for you

If you ask me... Chapter 1: Overnight Pasta The Overnight Way, Chapter 2: Planning Meals A Minimum of 50 Hours In Advance

Share

If you ask me, and if you are interested, I would like to tell you about a book I am currently putting together and this book is called The Big Bumper Book Of Things To Do For People With Too Much Time On Their Hands. I first thought of this as a possible best-seller when I watched Lorraine Pascale's TV show, Baking Made Easy, during which she made tagliatelle from scratch and then hung the pasta ribbons on coat-hangers overnight to dry – "See? Easy," she said – and then thought of it again when I saw Heston Blumenthal's programme on meat and noted his instruction that you should never cook a steak without removing it from the packaging, airing it for two days (on metal rack, in the fridge) and then taking it out of the fridge in time to bring it up to room temperature.

Obviously, this has given me my first three chapters – Chapter 1: Overnight Pasta The Overnight Way, Chapter 2: Planning Meals A Minimum of 50 Hours In Advance, and Chapter 3: Watching Cookery Shows With The Sole And Pointless Intention Of Sneering .

But I believe I can happily extend the concept to book length with the following... Chapter 4: Arranging And Rearranging Your Fruit Bowl To Its Best Advantage (Grapes on top? Mangoes, just showing off? Fully illustrated, with advice from experts); Chapter 5: Hooking Your Own Rugs; Chapter 6: Hoovering In Corners; Chapter 7: Hand-Making Greeting Cards For Every Occasion; Chapter 8: Hanging On To BT In Expectation Of Actually Talking To A Human Being; Chapter 9: Hand Washing Handwash Items Instead Of Throwing Them In The Machine And Hoping For The Best; Chapter Ten: Building A Pyramid Of Decorative Cushions For Your Bed And Rebuilding Them Every Morning; Chapter 11: Thinking Of Those Less Fortunate; Chapter 12: Dusting Where No One Can See; Chapter 13: Following Every Recipe To A T (why not browning meat first puts you and your family at risk); Chapter 14: Shaving Your Legs In Winter; Chapter 15: Picking The Fluff Out Of Your Keyboard With A Pin; Chapter 16: Teaching Your Old Dog New Tricks.

Indeed, as one person who tried to teach their old dog a new trick told me: "I spent hours trying to teach Mr Woofie a new trick and got nowhere. Luckily, though, I had time on my hands, as did he."

Anyway, I hope you will buy this book which concludes nicely with Chapter 17 and the posing of a question: Is This The Perfect Gift For Someone With Too Much Time On their Hands? And the answer? You bet. There may even be nothing to beat it.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

IT Services Team Leader

£35000 - £40000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client, a prog...

Newly Qualified Primary Teacher

£90 - £100 per day: Randstad Education Leicester: Randstad Education is the UK...

Y6 Teacher

£90 - £120 per day: Randstad Education Leicester: We are currently recruiting ...

Corporate Tax Solicitor - City

Highly Competitive Salary: Austen Lloyd: A rare high quality opportunity for a...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Mark Reckless, a Tory MP, has announced he is defecting to Ukip  

Douglas Carswell and Mark Reckless are heroes – and I’m lining up more of them

Nigel Farage
This Banksy mural in Clacton has been removed by the council  

Painting over the Clacton Banksy? Does nobody understand satire any more?

Rachael Jolley
Italian couples fake UK divorce scam on an ‘industrial scale’

Welcome to Maidenhead, the divorce capital of... Italy

A look at the the legal tourists who exploited our liberal dissolution rules
Tom and Jerry cartoons now carry a 'racial prejudice' warning on Amazon

Tom and Jerry cartoons now carry a 'racial prejudice' warning on Amazon

The vintage series has often been criticised for racial stereotyping
An app for the amorous: Could Good2Go end disputes about sexual consent - without being a passion-killer?

An app for the amorous

Could Good2Go end disputes about sexual consent - without being a passion-killer?
Llansanffraid is now Llansantffraid. Welsh town changes its name, but can you spot the difference?

Llansanffraid is now Llansantffraid

Welsh town changes its name, but can you spot the difference?
Charlotte Riley: At the peak of her powers

Charlotte Riley: At the peak of her powers

After a few early missteps with Chekhov, her acting career has taken her to Hollywood. Next up is a role in the BBC’s gangster drama ‘Peaky Blinders’
She's having a laugh: Britain's female comedians have never had it so good

She's having a laugh

Britain's female comedians have never had it so good, says stand-up Natalie Haynes
Sistine Chapel to ‘sing’ with new LED lights designed to bring Michelangelo’s masterpiece out of the shadows

Let there be light

Sistine Chapel to ‘sing’ with new LEDs designed to bring Michelangelo’s masterpiece out of the shadows
Great British Bake Off, semi-final, review: Richard remains the baker to beat

Tensions rise in Bake Off's pastry week

Richard remains the baker to beat as Chetna begins to flake
Paris Fashion Week, spring/summer 2015: Time travel fashion at Louis Vuitton in Paris

A look to the future

It's time travel fashion at Louis Vuitton in Paris
The 10 best bedspreads

The 10 best bedspreads

Before you up the tog count on your duvet, add an extra layer and a room-changing piece to your bed this autumn
Arsenal vs Galatasaray: Five things we learnt from the Emirates

Arsenal vs Galatasaray

Five things we learnt from the Gunners' Champions League victory at the Emirates
Stuart Lancaster’s long-term deal makes sense – a rarity for a decision taken by the RFU

Lancaster’s long-term deal makes sense – a rarity for a decision taken by the RFU

This deal gives England a head-start to prepare for 2019 World Cup, says Chris Hewett
Ebola outbreak: The children orphaned by the virus – then rejected by surviving relatives over fear of infection

The children orphaned by Ebola...

... then rejected by surviving relatives over fear of infection
Pride: Are censors pandering to homophobia?

Are censors pandering to homophobia?

US film censors have ruled 'Pride' unfit for under-16s, though it contains no sex or violence
The magic of roundabouts

Lords of the rings

Just who are the Roundabout Appreciation Society?