Deborah Ross: Who are you calling grannyish? In a pair of boots like these?

If you ask me...

Share

If you ask me, you know life's come to a pretty pass when you proudly show your new winter boots to your teenage niece who then describes them as "grannyish". Grannyish, you query. Grannyish? What do you mean, grannyish? These are not grannyish. I am not grannyish.

Last week, for example, I didn't go to John Lewis for nearly a whole morning. How ungrannyish is that? Take back what you said about my boots being grannyish and, by implication, that I might be grannyish. Take it back right now.

"But they are grannyish," she said. "A bit." A bit grannyish? A bit grannyish? How much of "a bit" grannyish? Can you be more specific? This is important. Are they 17 per cent grannyish, for instance, or 89 per cent grannyish? Are you saying they are a little bit grannyish, or quite a lot of a "bit" grannyish, if they are grannyish at all, which they are not.

"Where are they from?" she asked. Clarks, I told her. "Clarks is grannyish," she said. Clarks? Grannyish? What planet are you from? Clarks is not grannyish. Barratts? I'll give you Barratts. But Clarks?

Alexa Chung has been photographed wearing Clarks. Clarks was grannyish once but now it is not grannyish any more. Clarks is where it is happening. Clarks is for edgy go-getters. Clarks is for cool style-setters, such as myself. If you ever got your head out of Topshop or H&M you would know this. Plus, these boots are waterproof and have a thermal lining.

"That is very grannyish," she said. Very grannyish? Very grannyish? We've gone from "a bit" grannyish to "very grannyish" in a single stroke? How does that work? Can anyone have a go? What's next? Spectacularly grannyish. Ginormously grannyish? Are we up to 99.9 per cent grannyish? The most grannyish boots that ever existed?

And one other thing: they were reduced from £120 to £70. "That's because they are grannyish, and they ran out of grannies to sell them to," she said. No, that's because I am smart and can spot a bargain, I said. "A grannyish bargain," she said. I am not a granny, I said, and there is nothing grannyish about these boots.

Readers, I tell you what, why don't you settle this business? Will you Google "Clarks" and "Un Gabi", which is the name of the boots, and pass on your thoughts either by email (d.ross@independent.co.uk) or twitter (@deborahross)?

I am sure you will come out on my side because these boots are not grannyish, just as I am not grannyish, and also are elasticated at the back for fit and comfort, which is heavenly, and not grannyish at all. I'm even thinking these boots may be very Cheryl Cole.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Guru Careers: Software Developer / C# Developer

£40-50K: Guru Careers: We are seeking an experienced Software / C# Developer w...

Guru Careers: Software Developer

£35 - 40k + Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking a Software Developer (JavaS...

SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultant / Resourcer

£18000 - £23000 per annum + Commission: SThree: As a Trainee Recruitment Consu...

Ashdown Group: UI Developer - (UI, HTML, CSS, JavaScript, AngularJS)

£25000 - £40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: UI Developer - (UI, JavaScript, HTML...

Day In a Page

Read Next
An Indian bookseller waits for customers at a roadside stall on World Book and Copyright Day in Mumbai  

Novel translation lets us know what is really happening in the world

Boyd Tonkin
 

Nature Studies: The decline and fall of the nightingale, poetry’s most famous bird

Michael McCarthy
Abuse - and the hell that came afterwards

Abuse - and the hell that follows

James Rhodes on the extraordinary legal battle to publish his memoir
Why we need a 'tranquility map' of England, according to campaigners

It's oh so quiet!

The case for a 'tranquility map' of England
'Timeless fashion': It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it

'Timeless fashion'

It may be a paradox, but the industry loves it
If the West needs a bridge to the 'moderates' inside Isis, maybe we could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive after all

Could have done with Osama bin Laden staying alive?

Robert Fisk on the Fountainheads of World Evil in 2011 - and 2015
New exhibition celebrates the evolution of swimwear

Evolution of swimwear

From bathing dresses in the twenties to modern bikinis
Sun, sex and an anthropological study: One British academic's summer of hell in Magaluf

Sun, sex and an anthropological study

One academic’s summer of hell in Magaluf
From Shakespeare to Rising Damp... to Vicious

Frances de la Tour's 50-year triumph

'Rising Damp' brought De la Tour such recognition that she could be forgiven if she'd never been able to move on. But at 70, she continues to flourish - and to beguile
'That Whitsun, I was late getting away...'

Ian McMillan on the Whitsun Weddings

This weekend is Whitsun, and while the festival may no longer resonate, Larkin's best-loved poem, lives on - along with the train journey at the heart of it
Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath in a new light

Songs from the bell jar

Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath
How one man's day in high heels showed him that Cannes must change its 'no flats' policy

One man's day in high heels

...showed him that Cannes must change its 'flats' policy
Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

Dominic Rossi of Fidelity says his pressure on business to control rewards is working. But why aren’t other fund managers helping?
The King David Hotel gives precious work to Palestinians - unless peace talks are on

King David Hotel: Palestinians not included

The King David is special to Jerusalem. Nick Kochan checked in and discovered it has some special arrangements, too
More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years

End of the Aussie brain drain

More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years
Meditation is touted as a cure for mental instability but can it actually be bad for you?

Can meditation be bad for you?

Researching a mass murder, Dr Miguel Farias discovered that, far from bringing inner peace, meditation can leave devotees in pieces
Eurovision 2015: Australians will be cheering on their first-ever entrant this Saturday

Australia's first-ever Eurovision entrant

Australia, a nation of kitsch-worshippers, has always loved the Eurovision Song Contest. Maggie Alderson says it'll fit in fine