Deborah Ross: You can never have enough giant Toblerone

If you ask me...

Share
Related Topics

If you ask me, and having only just made it home after being stuck at Geneva airport for nearly three days, I would say being stranded at an airport isn't so bad. There are plenty of ways to pass the time between, for example, queuing at the BA re-booking desk for five hours at a stretch so they can entirely misinform you, or lying across a bit of hard floor, using your jacket for a pillow, and wishing you were dead. You can, for instance, go to the toilet even when you don't need to, and then wash and dry your hands very slowly. You can tour the airport gift shops for the 987th time and still not buy a stuffed St Bernard or a giant Toblerone; the chocolate bar that thinks it's a mountain range but has all the mouth-feel of a gum-jutting toast rack.

You can confer with fellow BA passengers, thereby ensuring a good flow of misinformation at all times. (It is always very important to keep up with the latest misinformation). You can keep saying "I will never fly BA again" even though you probably will, and BA knows it, the bastards. You can shake your fist at the passenger at security who appears to have no idea what metal is. You can spend £20 to enter a competition to win a yellow sports car, if you are that stupid. You can upset "iPad Man" by not looking at him admiringly while he is on his iPad or asking him to talk you through its many wonders.

You can be told the flight is "boarding" and go all the way to gate B34 where you will be kept for several hours before the captain comes out to say "this flight is leaving today" just before it's cancelled, the evil, lying, creep in a stupid cap. You can then wait for two hours in baggage reclaim while your luggage is offloaded from the plane. (If this happens to you three times, as it did to me, you can actually kill a good six hours just waiting for bags that haven't actually been anywhere).

You can then fantasise about stabbing anyone who works for BA, has worked for BA, or might work for BA at any point in the future and is still a small child, but has a BA-ish look about him or her. You can... See? See? There are so many ways to kill time in an airport, it's impossible to even fit them all in. So it can't be all that bad, can it?

(If you are stranded and this is yesterday's newspaper, do cheer up as you will, at least, get today's newspaper tomorrow...)

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Graphic Web Designer

£23000 - £27000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Due to expansion, this leading ...

Recruitment Genius: Web Developer

£23000 - £27000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Due to expansion, this leading ...

Recruitment Genius: Retirement Coordinator - Financial Services

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: To provide a prompt, friendly and efficient se...

Recruitment Genius: Annuities / Pensions Administrator

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: You will be the first point of contact for all...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Now’s the time to bring back Top Of The Pops

David Lister
Amanda Knox will learn today if her conviction for murdering British student Mereditch Kercher has been upheld  

Amanda Knox: A retrial, two films and endless speculation - will the fascination with Meredith Kercher's murder ever end?

Peter Popham
The saffron censorship that governs India: Why national pride and religious sentiment trump freedom of expression

The saffron censorship that governs India

Zareer Masani reveals why national pride and religious sentiment trump freedom of expression
Prince Charles' 'black spider' letters to be published 'within weeks'

Prince Charles' 'black spider' letters to be published 'within weeks'

Supreme Court rules Dominic Grieve's ministerial veto was invalid
Distressed Zayn Malik fans are cutting themselves - how did fandom get so dark?

How did fandom get so dark?

Grief over Zayn Malik's exit from One Direction seemed amusing until stories of mass 'cutting' emerged. Experts tell Gillian Orr the distress is real, and the girls need support
The galaxy collisions that shed light on unseen parallel Universe

The cosmic collisions that have shed light on unseen parallel Universe

Dark matter study gives scientists insight into mystery of space
The Swedes are adding a gender-neutral pronoun to their dictionary

Swedes introduce gender-neutral pronoun

Why, asks Simon Usborne, must English still struggle awkwardly with the likes of 's/he' and 'they'?
Disney's mega money-making formula: 'Human' remakes of cartoon classics are part of a lucrative, long-term creative plan

Disney's mega money-making formula

'Human' remakes of cartoon classics are part of a lucrative, long-term creative plan
Lobster has gone mainstream with supermarket bargains for £10 or less - but is it any good?

Lobster has gone mainstream

Anthea Gerrie, raised on meaty specimens from the waters around Maine, reveals how to cook up an affordable feast
Easter 2015: 14 best decorations

14 best Easter decorations

Get into the Easter spirit with our pick of accessories, ornaments and tableware
Paul Scholes column: Gareth Bale would be a perfect fit at Manchester United and could turn them into serious title contenders next season

Paul Scholes column

Gareth Bale would be a perfect fit at Manchester United and could turn them into serious title contenders next season
Inside the Kansas greenhouses where Monsanto is 'playing God' with the future of the planet

The future of GM

The greenhouses where Monsanto 'plays God' with the future of the planet
Britain's mild winters could be numbered: why global warming is leaving UK chillier

Britain's mild winters could be numbered

Gulf Stream is slowing down faster than ever, scientists say
Government gives £250,000 to Independent appeal

Government gives £250,000 to Independent appeal

Donation brings total raised by Homeless Veterans campaign to at least £1.25m
Oh dear, the most borrowed book at Bank of England library doesn't inspire confidence

The most borrowed book at Bank of England library? Oh dear

The book's fifth edition is used for Edexcel exams
Cowslips vs honeysuckle: The hunt for the UK’s favourite wildflower

Cowslips vs honeysuckle

It's the hunt for UK’s favourite wildflower
Child abuse scandal: Did a botched blackmail attempt by South African intelligence help Cyril Smith escape justice?

Did a botched blackmail attempt help Cyril Smith escape justice?

A fresh twist reveals the Liberal MP was targeted by the notorious South African intelligence agency Boss