Deborah Ross: You can never have enough giant Toblerone

If you ask me...

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If you ask me, and having only just made it home after being stuck at Geneva airport for nearly three days, I would say being stranded at an airport isn't so bad. There are plenty of ways to pass the time between, for example, queuing at the BA re-booking desk for five hours at a stretch so they can entirely misinform you, or lying across a bit of hard floor, using your jacket for a pillow, and wishing you were dead. You can, for instance, go to the toilet even when you don't need to, and then wash and dry your hands very slowly. You can tour the airport gift shops for the 987th time and still not buy a stuffed St Bernard or a giant Toblerone; the chocolate bar that thinks it's a mountain range but has all the mouth-feel of a gum-jutting toast rack.

You can confer with fellow BA passengers, thereby ensuring a good flow of misinformation at all times. (It is always very important to keep up with the latest misinformation). You can keep saying "I will never fly BA again" even though you probably will, and BA knows it, the bastards. You can shake your fist at the passenger at security who appears to have no idea what metal is. You can spend £20 to enter a competition to win a yellow sports car, if you are that stupid. You can upset "iPad Man" by not looking at him admiringly while he is on his iPad or asking him to talk you through its many wonders.

You can be told the flight is "boarding" and go all the way to gate B34 where you will be kept for several hours before the captain comes out to say "this flight is leaving today" just before it's cancelled, the evil, lying, creep in a stupid cap. You can then wait for two hours in baggage reclaim while your luggage is offloaded from the plane. (If this happens to you three times, as it did to me, you can actually kill a good six hours just waiting for bags that haven't actually been anywhere).

You can then fantasise about stabbing anyone who works for BA, has worked for BA, or might work for BA at any point in the future and is still a small child, but has a BA-ish look about him or her. You can... See? See? There are so many ways to kill time in an airport, it's impossible to even fit them all in. So it can't be all that bad, can it?

(If you are stranded and this is yesterday's newspaper, do cheer up as you will, at least, get today's newspaper tomorrow...)

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