Dylan Jones: How to peel testicles

Share

Last week, I ate Tony Blair's balls. It's not a dish I have ever eaten before, and I'm not sure I'm in a hurry to eat them again - but eat Blair's balls is what I did. And you know what? I liked it. Over the past six years or so, the journalist, keen shot and countryside campaigner Johnny Scott and the chef Clarissa Dickson Wright have collaborated on both television shows and books. Their projects have resulted in them appearing at many game fairs, hunt supporters' suppers, wildfowling dinners and book signings up and down the country. And, as Scott is often predisposed to scribbling "bollocks to Blair" below his name, his TV partner eventually decided that he needed his own recipe to celebrate this particularly personal expression of rebellion.

Which is where Blair's balls come in. I was round at a friend's house last Sunday, and as he was preparing to cook roe deer testicles as a starter (he'd been out shooting and had been given them as he left), I offered to assist, and then to properly prepare and cook them.

Of course, you won't find deer balls at your local Somerfield - or even at your nearest Tesco, come to that - although ordering them from a compliant butcher shouldn't be the most difficult thing in the world.

And so, having successfully tracked down your testicles, you peel off the outer skin and strip away the excess fat until you're left with the heart of the matter; two fleshy ovals the size of duck eggs.

You then heat game stock in a pan with double cream and green peppercorns. Cook this, while cooking your balls in a separate pan. This you do by slicing them in half lengthways, and then placing them in a separate sauté or frying pan with butter. Now you tip the balls into the stock and simmer until well and truly done.

You then season them with salt and cayenne, and eat your balls on rough country bread after toasting the Countryside Alliance with a large glass of claret. Clarissa has turned down several invitations to cook at Downing Street for Mr Blair, though this can hardly be surprising. "I hope one day I may cook this [recipe] in their kitchens to celebrate his departure," she says.

And, while I enjoyed my balls (they taste rather like a cross between scallops and kidneys), I believe this is likely to be a tendresse rather than a fully fledged affair. However, I think I could be tempted to try the delicacy once again, perhaps from a different source of ingredients. Without wishing to be coarse in any way, I think the authors might like to start considering a sequel, perhaps a main dish this time.

Prescott's balls, anyone?

Dylan Jones is the editor of GQ

d.jones@independent.co.uk

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Tradewind Recruitment: KS2 Teacher

Negotiable: Tradewind Recruitment: My client is a two form entry primary schoo...

Tradewind Recruitment: English Teacher

Negotiable: Tradewind Recruitment: My client is an excellent, large partially ...

Tradewind Recruitment: Science Teacher

£90 - £140 per day: Tradewind Recruitment: I am currently working in partnersh...

Tradewind Recruitment: Year 3 Primary Teacher

£100 - £150 per day: Tradewind Recruitment: Year 3 Teacher Birmingham Jan 2015...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

i Editor's Letter: Science versus religion in the three-parent baby debate

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
Kylie has helped to boost viewing figures for the talent show  

When an Aussie calls you a ‘bastard’, you know you’ve arrived

Howard Jacobson
Isis hostage crisis: The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power

Isis hostage crisis

The prisoner swap has only one purpose for the militants - recognition its Islamic State exists and that foreign nations acknowledge its power, says Robert Fisk
Missing salvage expert who found $50m of sunken treasure before disappearing, tracked down at last

The runaway buccaneers and the ship full of gold

Salvage expert Tommy Thompson found sunken treasure worth millions. Then he vanished... until now
Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Homeless Veterans appeal: ‘If you’re hard on the world you are hard on yourself’

Maverick artist Grayson Perry backs our campaign
Assisted Dying Bill: I want to be able to decide about my own death - I want to have control of my life

Assisted Dying Bill: 'I want control of my life'

This week the Assisted Dying Bill is debated in the Lords. Virginia Ironside, who has already made plans for her own self-deliverance, argues that it's time we allowed people a humane, compassionate death
Move over, kale - cabbage is the new rising star

Cabbage is king again

Sophie Morris banishes thoughts of soggy school dinners and turns over a new leaf
11 best winter skin treats

Give your moisturiser a helping hand: 11 best winter skin treats

Get an extra boost of nourishment from one of these hard-working products
Paul Scholes column: The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him

Paul Scholes column

The more Jose Mourinho attempts to influence match officials, the more they are likely to ignore him
Frank Warren column: No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans

Frank Warren's Ringside

No cigar, but pots of money: here come the Cubans
Isis hostage crisis: Militant group stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

Isis stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

The jihadis are being squeezed militarily and economically, but there is no sign of an implosion, says Patrick Cockburn
Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action

Virtual reality: Seeing is believing

Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action
Homeless Veterans appeal: MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’

Homeless Veterans appeal

MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’ to help
Larry David, Steve Coogan and other comedians share stories of depression in new documentary

Comedians share stories of depression

The director of the new documentary, Kevin Pollak, tells Jessica Barrett how he got them to talk
Has The Archers lost the plot with it's spicy storylines?

Has The Archers lost the plot?

A growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent over the rural soap's spicy storylines; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried, says Simon Kelner
English Heritage adds 14 post-war office buildings to its protected lists

14 office buildings added to protected lists

Christopher Beanland explores the underrated appeal of these palaces of pen-pushing
Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

Scientists unearthed the cranial fragments from Manot Cave in West Galilee