Dylan Jones: How to peel testicles

Share

Last week, I ate Tony Blair's balls. It's not a dish I have ever eaten before, and I'm not sure I'm in a hurry to eat them again - but eat Blair's balls is what I did. And you know what? I liked it. Over the past six years or so, the journalist, keen shot and countryside campaigner Johnny Scott and the chef Clarissa Dickson Wright have collaborated on both television shows and books. Their projects have resulted in them appearing at many game fairs, hunt supporters' suppers, wildfowling dinners and book signings up and down the country. And, as Scott is often predisposed to scribbling "bollocks to Blair" below his name, his TV partner eventually decided that he needed his own recipe to celebrate this particularly personal expression of rebellion.

Which is where Blair's balls come in. I was round at a friend's house last Sunday, and as he was preparing to cook roe deer testicles as a starter (he'd been out shooting and had been given them as he left), I offered to assist, and then to properly prepare and cook them.

Of course, you won't find deer balls at your local Somerfield - or even at your nearest Tesco, come to that - although ordering them from a compliant butcher shouldn't be the most difficult thing in the world.

And so, having successfully tracked down your testicles, you peel off the outer skin and strip away the excess fat until you're left with the heart of the matter; two fleshy ovals the size of duck eggs.

You then heat game stock in a pan with double cream and green peppercorns. Cook this, while cooking your balls in a separate pan. This you do by slicing them in half lengthways, and then placing them in a separate sauté or frying pan with butter. Now you tip the balls into the stock and simmer until well and truly done.

You then season them with salt and cayenne, and eat your balls on rough country bread after toasting the Countryside Alliance with a large glass of claret. Clarissa has turned down several invitations to cook at Downing Street for Mr Blair, though this can hardly be surprising. "I hope one day I may cook this [recipe] in their kitchens to celebrate his departure," she says.

And, while I enjoyed my balls (they taste rather like a cross between scallops and kidneys), I believe this is likely to be a tendresse rather than a fully fledged affair. However, I think I could be tempted to try the delicacy once again, perhaps from a different source of ingredients. Without wishing to be coarse in any way, I think the authors might like to start considering a sequel, perhaps a main dish this time.

Prescott's balls, anyone?

Dylan Jones is the editor of GQ

d.jones@independent.co.uk

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

IT Services Team Leader

£35000 - £40000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client, a prog...

SEN Teaching Assistant

£45 - £50 per day: Randstad Education Group: Job opportunities for SEN Teachin...

Secondary teachers required in King's Lynn

£21000 - £35000 per annum: Randstad Education Cambridge: Secondary teachers re...

Nursery Nurse

Negotiable: Randstad Education Manchester: Room Leader PositionI am currently ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
Mark Reckless, a Tory MP, has announced he is defecting to Ukip  

Douglas Carswell and Mark Reckless are heroes – and I’m lining up more of them

Nigel Farage
This Banksy mural in Clacton has been removed by the council  

Painting over the Clacton Banksy? Does nobody understand satire any more?

Rachael Jolley
Italian couples fake UK divorce scam on an ‘industrial scale’

Welcome to Maidenhead, the divorce capital of... Italy

A look at the the legal tourists who exploited our liberal dissolution rules
Tom and Jerry cartoons now carry a 'racial prejudice' warning on Amazon

Tom and Jerry cartoons now carry a 'racial prejudice' warning on Amazon

The vintage series has often been criticised for racial stereotyping
An app for the amorous: Could Good2Go end disputes about sexual consent - without being a passion-killer?

An app for the amorous

Could Good2Go end disputes about sexual consent - without being a passion-killer?
Llansanffraid is now Llansantffraid. Welsh town changes its name, but can you spot the difference?

Llansanffraid is now Llansantffraid

Welsh town changes its name, but can you spot the difference?
Charlotte Riley: At the peak of her powers

Charlotte Riley: At the peak of her powers

After a few early missteps with Chekhov, her acting career has taken her to Hollywood. Next up is a role in the BBC’s gangster drama ‘Peaky Blinders’
She's having a laugh: Britain's female comedians have never had it so good

She's having a laugh

Britain's female comedians have never had it so good, says stand-up Natalie Haynes
Sistine Chapel to ‘sing’ with new LED lights designed to bring Michelangelo’s masterpiece out of the shadows

Let there be light

Sistine Chapel to ‘sing’ with new LEDs designed to bring Michelangelo’s masterpiece out of the shadows
Great British Bake Off, semi-final, review: Richard remains the baker to beat

Tensions rise in Bake Off's pastry week

Richard remains the baker to beat as Chetna begins to flake
Paris Fashion Week, spring/summer 2015: Time travel fashion at Louis Vuitton in Paris

A look to the future

It's time travel fashion at Louis Vuitton in Paris
The 10 best bedspreads

The 10 best bedspreads

Before you up the tog count on your duvet, add an extra layer and a room-changing piece to your bed this autumn
Arsenal vs Galatasaray: Five things we learnt from the Emirates

Arsenal vs Galatasaray

Five things we learnt from the Gunners' Champions League victory at the Emirates
Stuart Lancaster’s long-term deal makes sense – a rarity for a decision taken by the RFU

Lancaster’s long-term deal makes sense – a rarity for a decision taken by the RFU

This deal gives England a head-start to prepare for 2019 World Cup, says Chris Hewett
Ebola outbreak: The children orphaned by the virus – then rejected by surviving relatives over fear of infection

The children orphaned by Ebola...

... then rejected by surviving relatives over fear of infection
Pride: Are censors pandering to homophobia?

Are censors pandering to homophobia?

US film censors have ruled 'Pride' unfit for under-16s, though it contains no sex or violence
The magic of roundabouts

Lords of the rings

Just who are the Roundabout Appreciation Society?