Ellie Levenson: Such cheap snobbery about Wayne's wedding

Share
Related Topics

I'm getting married in eight days' time. We would have done it yesterday, but Westlife had already been booked by Wayne and Coleen. Actually, that's not true. Our mate James is DJing for us instead, and we're having a slightly less glamorous ceremony than theirs on the Italian Riviera, by opting for Walthamstow Register Office instead.

But despite being convinced that my own nuptials are in the best possible taste, as opposed to all the other weddings that are far less classy than my own, I'm not going to join in the snobbery when it comes to Wayne and Coleen. For why shouldn't they get married the way they want to? After all, much as the many interested parties around a couple about to get married think the big day is as much about them as the two tying the knot, weddings are actually just about the couple getting married.

And while it's nice to have family and friends observe as you make a public proclamation of loving someone, and celebrate with you afterwards, that's what they are – observers.

In fact, getting married myself has made me regret the time spent telling one old friend that he should buy a new suit for his wedding and not wear one he already owned. He was far too nice to tell me to butt out and mind my own business, but I did apologise to him once I started getting married and people kept making similarly "helpful" suggestions to me.

For when it comes to weddings there is only one way to get married, and that is to do it exactly the way you want to. As one of my friends who got married last year wrote in the engagement card she sent: "The only worthwhile wedding advice is to decide what you want and ignore anyone who has a contrary opinion." This pearl of wisdom had been passed on to her by another friend who got married 18 months ago, and is one I shall be passing on to the next friend of ours to tie the knot.

The thing is, of course, that weddings are all inherently in bad taste, rubbing the noses of people yet to find love or who have fallen out of love that it is you that is happy, not them. Is there a way to stand at the front of a room with styled hair, over the top make-up and a silly frock screaming "look at me, look at me" without being tasteless? I doubt it.

I do, it is fair to say, make a habit out of defending WAGs. I've written in the past about why Victoria Beckham should be held up as a feminist icon, defending her from attack by men and women, and when Roy Keane spouted off about the footballers who won't move to Sunderland because their wives and girlfriends wouldn't leave behind the shops of London of Manchester, I defended them too.

This isn't because I see being a WAG as a valid career choice. Nor, I hasten to add, because of snobbery over shopping all day, eating lunch and having a generally nice time, but because it upsets me that anybody would define themselves by their man's job, be it the prime minister's wife or the butcher's girlfriend. But Coleen has never done this.

Having met her man when she was just a schoolgirl, and facing media interest that may have made it very difficult to do anything other than the mix of modelling and pseudo-journalism that she currently does, she has made quite a name for herself, to the point that some commentators have said that when Rooney's career is over he may be known as Coleen's husband, not the other way, which, if the implicit misogyny of the word didn't offend me, would make the rather nice acronym of HAG (Husbands and Girlfriends).

We're having a reading at our wedding from Jane Austen's Emma. It is the very last paragraph of the book: "The wedding was very much like other weddings, where the parties have no taste for finery or parade... 'Very little white satin, very few lace veils; a most pitiful business! ...' But, in spite of these deficiencies, the wishes, the hopes, the confidence, the predictions of the small band of true friends who witnessed the ceremony, were fully answered in the perfect happiness of the union."

As per the reading, I am not wearing white at my wedding, and nor will there be lace or satin. And while there was plenty of finery and parade for Wayne and Coleen's day, I hope the same holds true for them, that they have a very happy union and that they stick two fingers up at all the snobs who, under the guise of knowing what is classy, have forgotten that the least classy thing of all is snobbery.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

BI Developer - Sheffield - £35,000 ~ £40,000 DOE

£35000 - £40000 per annum + competitive: Progressive Recruitment: My client is...

Employment Solicitor

Highly Competitive Salary: Austen Lloyd: MANCHESTER - Senior Employment Solici...

Senior Risk Manager - Banking - London - £650

£600 - £650 per day: Orgtel: Conduct Risk Liaison Manager - Banking - London -...

Commercial Litigation Associate

Highly Attractive Package: Austen Lloyd: CITY - COMMERCIAL LITIGATION - GLOBAL...

Day In a Page

 

Opponents of Israel's military operation in Gaza are the real enemies of Middle Eastern peace

Gabriel Sassoon
Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business, from Sarah Millican to Marcus Brigstocke

Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business

For all those wanting to know how stand-ups keep standing, here are some of the best moments
Jokes on Hollywood: 'With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on'

Jokes on Hollywood

With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on
Edinburgh Fringe 2014: The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee

Edinburgh Fringe 2014

The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee
Evan Davis: The BBC’s wolf in sheep’s clothing to take over at Newsnight

The BBC’s wolf in sheep’s clothing

What will Evan Davis be like on Newsnight?
Finding the names for America’s shame: What happens to the immigrants crossing the US-Mexico border without documents who never make it past the Arizona desert?

Finding the names for America’s shame

The immigrants crossing the US-Mexico border without documents who never make it past the Arizona desert
Inside a church for Born Again Christians: Speaking to God in a Manchester multiplex

Inside a church for Born Again Christians

As Britain's Anglican church struggles to establish its modern identity, one branch of Christianity is booming
Rihanna, Kim Kardashian and me: How Olivier Rousteing is revitalising the house of Balmain

Olivier Rousteing is revitalising the house of Balmain

Parisian couturier Pierre Balmain made his name dressing the mid-century jet set. Today, Olivier Rousteing – heir to the house Pierre built – is celebrating their 21st-century equivalents. The result? Nothing short of Balmania
Cancer, cardiac arrest, HIV and homelessness - and he's only 39

Incredible survival story of David Tovey

Tovey went from cooking for the Queen to rifling through bins for his supper. His is a startling story of endurance against the odds – and of a social safety net failing at every turn
Backhanders, bribery and abuses of power have soared in China as economy surges

Bribery and abuses of power soar in China

The bribery is fuelled by the surge in China's economy but the rules of corruption are subtle and unspoken, finds Evan Osnos, as he learns the dark arts from a master
Commonwealth Games 2014: Highland terriers stole the show at the opening ceremony

Highland terriers steal the show at opening ceremony

Gillian Orr explores why a dog loved by film stars and presidents is finally having its day
German art world rocked as artists use renowned fat sculpture to distil schnapps

Brewing the fat from artwork angers widow of sculptor

Part of Joseph Beuys' 1982 sculpture 'Fettecke' used to distil schnapps
BBC's The Secret History of Our Streets reveals a fascinating window into Britain's past

BBC takes viewers back down memory lane

The Secret History of Our Streets, which returns with three films looking at Scottish streets, is the inverse of Benefits Street - delivering warmth instead of cynicism
Joe, film review: Nicolas Cage delivers an astonishing performance in low budget drama

Nicolas Cage shines in low-budget drama Joe

Cage plays an ex-con in David Gordon Green's independent drama, which has been adapted from a novel by Larry Brown
How to make your own gourmet ice lollies, granitas, slushy cocktails and frozen yoghurt

Make your own ice lollies and frozen yoghurt

Think outside the cool box for this summer's tempting frozen treats
Ford Fiesta is UK's most popular car of all-time, with sales topping 4.1 million since 1976

Fiesta is UK's most popular car of all-time

Sales have topped 4.1 million since 1976. To celebrate this milestone, four Independent writers recall their Fiestas with pride